this post was submitted on 20 Sep 2024
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AskReddit (lemmy.today)
submitted 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) by LodeMike@lemmy.today to c/lemmyshitpost@lemmy.world
 

Image description:

screenshot of r/AskReddit post by u/CriticalGeode . Title only. official phone app. Light mode.

How would you hide the body of a 165 Ib, 78 year-old white male who is approximately 6 feet tall?

Upvoted by screenshoter. No shown score.

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[–] edgemaster72@lemmy.world 91 points 3 months ago (7 children)

Apparently the best thing to do is cut up a corpse into six pieces and pile it all together. And when you got your six pieces, you gotta get rid of them, because it's no good leaving it in the deep freeze for your mum to discover, now is it? Then I hear the best thing to do is feed them to pigs. You got to starve the pigs for a few days, then the sight of a chopped-up body will look like curry to a pisshead.

You gotta shave the heads of your victims, and pull the teeth out for the sake of the piggies' digestion. You could do this afterwards, of course, but you don't want to go sievin' through pig shit, now do you? They will go through bone like butter. You need at least sixteen pigs to finish the job in one sitting, so be wary of any man who keeps a pig farm.

They will go through a body that weighs 200 pounds in about eight minutes. That means that a single pig can consume two pounds of uncooked flesh every minute. Hence the expression, "as greedy as a pig".

[–] ChillPill@lemmy.world 44 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Well, thank you for that. That's a great weight off me mind. Now, if you wouldn't mind telling me who the fuck you are, apart from someone who feeds people to pigs of course?

[–] AngryCommieKender@lemmy.world 6 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (1 children)

That's a quote from the movie Snatch

[–] Empricorn@feddit.nl 15 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Vinny: "Well, thank you for that. That's a great weight off me mind. Now, if you wouldn't mind telling me who the fuck you are, apart from someone who feeds people to pigs of course?"

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0208092/characters/nm0285495

[–] NikkiDimes@lemmy.world 5 points 3 months ago

Well, that's just painful.

[–] tacosanonymous@lemm.ee 7 points 3 months ago
[–] kemsat@lemmy.world 5 points 3 months ago

I just rewatched that classic yesterday

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[–] Fuck_u_spez_@sh.itjust.works 59 points 3 months ago (10 children)

You're always gonna have problems lifting a body in one piece. Apparently the best thing to do is cut up a corpse into six pieces and pile it all together. And when you got your six pieces, you gotta get rid of them, because it's no good leaving it in the deep freeze for your mum to discover, now is it? Then I hear the best thing to do is feed them to pigs. You got to starve the pigs for a few days, then the sight of a chopped-up body will look like curry to a pisshead. You gotta shave the heads of your victims, and pull the teeth out for the sake of the piggies' digestion. You could do this afterwards, of course, but you don't want to go sievin' through pig shit, now do you? They will go through bone like butter. You need at least sixteen pigs to finish the job in one sitting, so be wary of any man who keeps a pig farm. They will go through a body that weighs 200 pounds in about eight minutes. That means that a single pig can consume two pounds of uncooked flesh every minute. Hence the expression, "as greedy as a pig".

[–] rimmedalpha@lemmynsfw.com 18 points 3 months ago (2 children)

Second best monolog in that movie. The Desert Eagle vs Replica scene is still my favorite.

[–] rob_t_firefly@lemmy.world 4 points 3 months ago (1 children)

I like the part when Brad Pitt says "aslkdjhgfaledkjfhgawserlfkjhawuigh?"

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[–] Lemminary@lemmy.world 9 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Damn, this guy crimes. I'm impressed.

[–] Snowcano@startrek.website 12 points 3 months ago

It’s from the movie Snatch. Banger of a classic!

[–] ben_dover@lemmy.ml 6 points 3 months ago
[–] dependencyinjection@discuss.tchncs.de 5 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Someone else posted the same comment 4 hours before.

[–] Fuck_u_spez_@sh.itjust.works 5 points 3 months ago

I'm not sure how I didn't notice that but thanks.

[–] frigidaphelion@lemmy.world 4 points 3 months ago (2 children)

Do you know what "nemesis" means?

"A righteous infliction of retribution, manifested by an appropriate agent. Personified in this case by an 'orrible cunt; me."

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[–] Spoilt@jlai.lu 51 points 3 months ago (1 children)

"light mode"

Well done, you have managed to dazzle the blind.

[–] Cyberbatman@lemmings.world 30 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Very obvious...You hide the body at the cemetery

wait I've never thought about this

[–] mwproductions@lemmy.world 23 points 3 months ago (2 children)

IIRC from last time, someone on Reddit suggested digging a vertical hole (smaller visual footprint in an aerial search), covering the body with yogurt (to speed up decomp), and then burying a dead animal above the body (to throw off the cadaver dog's handlers).

[–] mipadaitu@lemmy.world 13 points 3 months ago

Cadaver (or HRD) dog handler here. It'll only confuse the cops, not the dog handler.

[–] teamevil@lemmy.world 8 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Gotta put crushed up glass between the body and what ever dead thing you buried close to the surface to discourage digging

[–] Krzd@lemmy.world 10 points 3 months ago (3 children)

Fuck no, that would only encourage digging because it's too suspicious.

[–] CatZoomies@lemmy.world 10 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Good point. Perhaps we also put up a cautionary sign that reads, “Warning: Crushed glass below. Do not dig. No corpses buried at this site.”

[–] Krzd@lemmy.world 3 points 3 months ago

Yeah that seems like it should work :D

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[–] lowleveldata@programming.dev 21 points 3 months ago (1 children)

I too, want to hide my body. Try wearing some clothes.

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[–] Letstakealook@lemm.ee 20 points 3 months ago

Depending on climate and soil type, you will need to dig a 3'wx6'lx3-6d hole. USFS land is great for this. Place nude cadaver in hole and coat with 10-15lbs of lye. Refill hole with excavated soil to approximate level of surrounding area. Disperse excess soil thinly over a wide area. Finally, cover disturbed soil with natural debris from the surrounding area, such as pine needles, leaves, twigs, etc.

[–] Kolanaki@yiffit.net 17 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Prop him up beside the jukebox. Fill his boots up with sand, put a stiff drink in his hand... Nobody will even suspect he's dead!

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[–] Lemminary@lemmy.world 15 points 3 months ago (1 children)

I love how if this were a serious post people would be up in arms. But since it's a shitpost everyone's ok with sharing their expertise. 😂

[–] Zozano@lemy.lol 7 points 3 months ago

New meta: be as specific as possible so that others think you're being ironic.

[–] A_Random_Idiot@lemmy.world 15 points 3 months ago

If I answer that, then you'll find all the other ones.

[–] Valmond@lemmy.world 14 points 3 months ago (1 children)

It would take a couple of weeks but if you go out and vote it could function.

[–] LodeMike@lemmy.today 3 points 3 months ago (1 children)
[–] Valmond@lemmy.world 8 points 3 months ago (1 children)

I guessed it was about a certain person who's in the news a lot right now before the american election... I'm potentially totally wrong.

[–] gravitas_deficiency@sh.itjust.works 22 points 3 months ago (2 children)

There is absolutely zero likelihood Trump is 165lbs. Try 1.5x that, at the very least.

Also he is not nearly as tall as he claims to be.

[–] solsangraal@lemmy.zip 25 points 3 months ago

Also he is not nearly as ________ as he claims to be.

fill in the blank with anything he's ever claimed to be

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[–] DudeImMacGyver@sh.itjust.works 12 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Just tow it outside of the environment

[–] aulin@lemmy.world 4 points 3 months ago (1 children)
[–] HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 8 points 3 months ago (3 children)

No, no, no, it was towed beyond the environment. It’s not in the environment.

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[–] ulterno@lemmy.kde.social 11 points 3 months ago

Depends upon what your are hiding it from.

If the white male is a human and understands your language, maybe you can convince it to hide - in your closet / behind a tree / under a bed / behind some bushes etc.

[–] Schmeckinger@lemmy.world 10 points 3 months ago

We do a bit of pension fraud

[–] Feelfold@lemm.ee 7 points 3 months ago (1 children)

The "Weekend at Bernie's" method seems to be working well enough already.

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[–] BreadOven@lemmy.world 5 points 3 months ago

I'd tell you, but I don't want to be on another list.

[–] SubArcticTundra@lemmy.ml 3 points 3 months ago

Wow, Reddit's gotten really dark since last time I checked

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