this post was submitted on 05 Jul 2024
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Our DnD discord group has a whole ass 'out of context' channel. Best decision we've ever made, granted half of them is my character, the party clown. Here are some other bangers over the years:

  • "She knows how to ride a clippity clop."
  • "Ah so you want it so when you die there's a magical turfwar over your body."
  • "the horse is a horse....i dont think he understands the concepts"
  • "It's not Delivery, it's Human Trafficking!"
  • "Don't tell my dad I died for toenails"
  • "It's pulsating. It shouldn't be because it's a fucking rock."
  • "Jesus Christ! I mean... Bahamut Jr!"
  • "There was a scary forest!" "SCARY FOREST IS NOT AN ANSWER"
  • "That's Renn! He's like a dead squirrel."
  • "Who wants to do coke with the illithid?"
  • "I agree, other voice in my head."
  • "When a corpse bee and another corpse bee love each other and don't dance..."
  • "I emotionally abuse you and you bring me waffles. Thanks babe."
  • "Does your house have a garden?" "Probably."
  • "Should I go... unwhisk it?"
  • "I heard it from the Oracle Beyoncé."
  • "HOW DO YOU LISTEN TO AN EAR?!"
  • "I'm sorry Renn, I love you, but fuck the rich."
  • "I forgot that we have one brain cell in the party and it currently blinked away."
  • "We can have one little terrorism. As a treat."
  • "Hey, it's not our fault this Earth Elemental is made of door."
  • "Roll a d20." "10." "...fuck." "Does that fuck up your plans or mine? (Panicking)" "Yours." "...fuck!"
  • "If you would be inclined for a little adventure today, would you mind following me? Oh and it's mandatory because I've already made arrangements."
  • "Can we just like acknowledge that she just did the anime "Oh ho ho ho!" laugh when you called her out on that?"
  • "You ripping peoples faces off, that's entirely on you. Get some help."
  • "I'm-uh-w-Lady.... I'm not above hitting a woman."
  • "I have cocaine, does that count?"
  • You ate a goodberry so you should be full for the rest of the day" "True" "Well you can be full and a fatass" "Just shut up and play your silly little game with your silly little characters and don't come for me like that"
  • "Does a 26 hit?" "... fuck you.".
  • "Why doesn't Misty have a mustache?"
  • "No matter who you play you gotta either fuck with his body or his heart!"
  • "The undead not dead thing is right" "Please call me Renn" "I'll never remember that" "It's literally shorter"
  • "Why must I be surrounded by lesbians? ... I fear your kind." (For the record this was said by both a gay character and player)
  • "Can I pick up Renn? He's a twink, right?"
  • "You're a second rate duelist with a third rate meal"
  • "Just gives me the confidence that she would choke me"

Okay sorry I ended up pasting way more in than I expected.... I just love this group and don't get to share these with anyone. Just such ridiculous nonsense.

Edit: Also I just remembered. I actually do have the context for that 'no no thing' line. That one is mine from my 7'2 barbarian aarakocra jokey boy. We recorded parts of sessions and caught the no no thing bit. Here if you wanna listen to it. although I don't blame you the slightest if you don't.

I've also got a stupidly long soundcloud clip of highlights from a game a couple months ago here. It includes a bunch of the quotes pasted above.

Check out !outofcontextdnd@lemmy.world for more!

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[–] jjjalljs@ttrpg.network 56 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) (1 children)
  • "if I die, I die holding vampire smut"

  • "I guess he's going to fist fight the helicopter"

[–] chemical_cutthroat@lemmy.world 52 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) (1 children)

"But I don't have a cloaca."

Context, if you want it:

spoilerI was playing a frost giant fighter, and I found a dragon egg. I asked the town vet (who the DM made up on the spot) how I could hatch the egg and raise the dragon as my own. The vet told me that dragons cannot be tamed, and that dragons bond with their mothers in the womb, and then, the egg must be laid. My line, "But I don't have a cloaca", and the vet shrugs. Queue Always Sunny theme music, "The Gang Kidnaps a Druid". In the end, I gave birth to my dragon buddy, and I named him Pellinore, and we had many great adventures until I found a bell that reversed aging, and Pellinore turned back into an egg, and the campaign ended before he hatched, again. I'm GMing the new campaign that is all homebrew, and Pellinore is making a comeback, though.

[–] Delphia@lemmy.world 51 points 5 months ago (1 children)

From Shadowrun but still...

"Its not terrorism, its a distract spell thats materials involve C4 and a bridge"

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[–] stoneparchment@possumpat.io 50 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago)

I guess this isn't NO context but:

Innkeeper married to a nixie: “The Fey never do anything without a price...”

“... How much did you pay for your wife?”

[–] zakobjoa@lemmy.world 33 points 5 months ago (1 children)

"How is this bow cursed? We built it ourselves... with sinew from a drow... that we tortured to death. Yeah, okay. It's cursed."

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[–] rtxn@lemmy.world 32 points 5 months ago

From Divinity Original Sin 2 co-op. Not my campaign, but I was wheezing for five minutes from this:

"So are we the bad guys?"
"I don't know, but I'm about to kill her with her own dad."

[–] Enkrod@feddit.org 32 points 5 months ago
  • "I think that Ashenthroat guy might be a Dragon in disguise"
  • "Kill it!!! But don't hurt it, awwww."
  • "Don't worry GM, I wont make you improvise info on every single soldier NPC. - Ok, so you there, what's your name and why are you here?"
  • "If we take every hostile NPC we come across prisoner to await a 100% death-sentence, instead of killing them here and now, we'll have to start building concentration camps soon and I don't know if that's actually better or worse."
  • "Maybe don't kill the beast?" - "Too late, running now!"
  • "Gentlemen, can't we solve this peacefully?" - "Yes, of course, we're always ready to talk. But only if it ends with you dead." - "You seemed to have missed the point there."
[–] Vaggumon@lemm.ee 30 points 5 months ago (3 children)

"Is this because we didn't have sex yet?"

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[–] spittingimage@lemmy.world 28 points 5 months ago

"If he seduces something from the mineral kingdom now, he's collected the whole set."

[–] Laurentide@pawb.social 28 points 5 months ago (2 children)

"I cast longsword!"

"Does the paladin's piss count as holy water?"

"You described the mech as being similar to a Gundam. So it's a mobile suit? Does that mean I'm technically wearing it on my person?"

"Watch out for the ass-grabbing ghosts!"

"I struggle like a dog being given a pill."

"No, don't activate your telepathy! I don't want your mind-herpes!"

"Wait, why is a duck that lays eggs named Mr. Quackers?" "Mr. Quackers can be whatever he wants!"

"I cast Prestidigitation and pee his pants."

"Hey Nyarlathotep, wanna see something funny?"

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[–] PugJesus@lemmy.world 26 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) (1 children)

"Is it okay if I have an anger problem?"

"I shout at the door."

"I lift the spyglass so my rat can see."

"Does the rat look through the spyglass?"

"It's hard to tell."

"I aim the paper airplane at the crowd."

"IS CHILD ABUSE WRONG? LIKE ME CHECK MY CHAIM.

...

NO."

"Is there a cat nearby?"

"Like, a normal cat?"

"Yeah."

"It's a mansion, I don't see why not. Yeah, let's say there's a cat."

"Is anyone looking?"

[DM, suddenly filled with concern] "... no...?"

"I will teach these halfling savages the meaning of private property!"

[–] MajorHavoc@programming.dev 17 points 5 months ago (1 children)

I can hear the worried concern in that DM "...no...?"

[–] PugJesus@lemmy.world 15 points 5 months ago

He was appalled by my decision to punt the cat, and the 17 I rolled before he could object, but in my defense, I was playing a ratman.

[–] VinesNFluff@pawb.social 26 points 5 months ago (1 children)
  • "Does my gaydar tell me anything about how to get back to civilisation?"
  • "Listen up, Poundland-Sundowner"
  • "So wait, I blew up the mayor's house and my punishment is I'm made into a college professor?"
  • "Now back to mare's milk"
[–] Stamets@lemmy.world 11 points 5 months ago (2 children)

DOES MY GAYDAR TELL ME ANYTHING ABOUT HOW TO GET BACK TO CIVILIZATION.

FUCK.

Okay this i s my favorite one out of this thread by a fucking mile

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[–] edgemaster72@lemmy.world 23 points 5 months ago

"I could feed him my candy cane to revive him"

[–] skulblaka@sh.itjust.works 22 points 5 months ago
  • Can the bread make a will save?

  • No, you're still prone. You used Dimension Slide, not Dimension Rotate.

  • Will a Limited Wish spell prevent you from being brain damaged?

[–] theDuesentrieb@feddit.org 21 points 5 months ago

My character hasn't noticed the living bushes and decides to take his morning shit behind them

DM: not sure if I should count this as an attack

[–] Lemming421@lemmy.world 21 points 5 months ago

“Shut the door, things are gonna get weird”

[–] PM_Your_Nudes_Please@lemmy.world 19 points 5 months ago (2 children)

I’m a mod over at !outofcontextdnd@lemmy.world and would love to see some activity! I started it to keep track of some of my own group’s quotes, but the group has been on a two week break for the past four or five months now.

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[–] TacticsConsort@yiffit.net 18 points 5 months ago
[–] Zarek2472@lemmy.world 18 points 5 months ago

What kind of man buys another man juice?!

[–] ThisIsAManWhoKnowsHowToGling@lemmy.dbzer0.com 18 points 5 months ago (2 children)

"Come on, I know you have a soul for some fucking reason! Fess up! Who's your daddy?"

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[–] Console_Modder@sh.itjust.works 17 points 5 months ago

"In my experience, magic doesn't like metal. It needs to be flesh."

[–] shani66@ani.social 17 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago)
  • "there are no werewolves in the god damn park"
  • "Fuck you I'm going to the Prince for this"..."ow hey why are you hitting me!?"
  • "This has been a weirdly sexual night"
  • "The sword of Cain has fallen and it fell where it pleased!"
  • "If you do that you're gonna have to drop your alignment to chaotic evil"
  • "Turns out i can afford a rocket launcher"
[–] Sanctus@lemmy.world 16 points 5 months ago

"Well, you see, the dragon killed thousands, indirectly through their cold buns"

[–] MimicJar@lemmy.world 15 points 5 months ago

Me: So my hands are bound?

DM: Yes.

Me: And I'm under the influence of a "Command"-like spell?

DM: Yes.

Me: And the command is to follow them to the prison?

DM: Yes.

Me: I'd like to try and fall on my face, beard first.

[–] ninjabard@lemmy.world 15 points 5 months ago

I'm sorry you were born pretty!

[–] Kolanaki@yiffit.net 14 points 5 months ago

"The troll bouncer is gay. Your attempt to seduce him fails and he puts you in a headlock."

[–] runningromeo@aussie.zone 13 points 5 months ago

"why are you so blessedly free of snot?"

We used to keep a quote book of these random acts of hilarity... Good times.

[–] Brocon@lemmy.world 13 points 5 months ago

"It's just a rocket launcher inside a small room. How bad can the results be?"

[–] Knossos@lemmy.world 13 points 5 months ago

This isn't strictly no context, but it blew me away and I wanted to share it anyway.

I started D&D with the family over quarantine. They had a quest to clear the goblins out of a mine. They got inside and dealt with most of them. They over powered three of them and tied them up, so that they could be interrogated.

My 9 year old then decides he wants to murder them.

Our faces when we realised our child was a murderhobo.

[–] LMagicalus@discuss.tchncs.de 13 points 5 months ago

"You are now using a piece of shit like a bar of soap while humming a tune." "Dave swings his hammer at you, misses, and hits himself in the face, dying instantly."

[–] CptEnder@lemmy.world 12 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Roll 9

DM: Ok you have a 9", ribbed pink Zeltronian cock

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[–] Iron_Lynx@lemmy.world 12 points 5 months ago (2 children)

In a oneshot of Monster Of The Week:

"Did The Organisation^TM^ supply us with a flamethrower?"

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[–] nothacking@discuss.tchncs.de 12 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) (1 children)

"it's not a nuke, is just a AOE building remover"

"we need a bigger nuke"

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[–] PoolloverNathan@programming.dev 11 points 5 months ago

“Yes, I know the door is locked. I open it anyway.”

[–] A7thStone@lemmy.world 11 points 5 months ago (1 children)

If all four of us work together we could drag the door.

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[–] voik@ttrpg.network 9 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago)

Man, we ended up setting up a wiki for all the ones from my last campaign... it's down at the moment, but here are a few I have saved on my phone:

"My companions and I are professional adventurers"

"Some of us more professional than others..."

"For no sexy reason, what does the pope look like?"

"Also, I'm not doing terrible! But I definitely just got stabbed."

Bard: "No, this is wholesome [Bard] moment! Anyway, how much money do you have?"

Sorcerer: "[Ranger], we are about to do some wacky-ass magic"

Ranger: "In that case, I would like to watch it from over there."

Sorcerer: "I will not be doing it. I will be joining you."

GM: "Divine and wild magic start pouring into and it's like... Have you ever licked a battery?"

GM: "Divine, chaos, and dragon magic flows through you—"

Bard: "And bardic from the inspiration!"

Ranger: "Oh I can add some ranger nature!"

Sorcerer: "And I have one that can help! I cast minor illusion to make a "do not disturb" sign."

"If I take one more step, it'll be the furthest I've ever been from home..."

"You didn't even have to step."

"If I take one more interdimensional vortex..."

"Your left or my left? You're an orb."

"I am."

"Float like a flowerpot, sting like a school bus."

[–] BluJay320@lemmy.blahaj.zone 9 points 5 months ago

“Would a handjob be a dexterity roll?”

[–] CobblerScholar@lemmy.world 9 points 5 months ago

I never said that ring was for your finger

[–] leosin@lemmy.ca 9 points 5 months ago

"I'm going to walk back to the lake to have an existential crisis. Oh and on the way I cast Polymorph and turn our Ranger into a spider."

[–] Susaga@sh.itjust.works 9 points 5 months ago (2 children)

In a Palpatine voice: "Spicy beef"
"Have you ever thought 'I'm kinda hungry, but not hungry enough to eat a whole potato'?"
"I don't like the wanking corner"

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[–] azrendelmare@ttrpg.network 9 points 5 months ago

I have several, but my favorite is probably "I am this group's current resident expert on whatever the hell that thing is!"

[–] MouseKeyboard@ttrpg.network 9 points 5 months ago

"i thought this plan was foolproof, but i genuinely forgot about doors"

[–] NakariLexfortaine@lemm.ee 9 points 5 months ago

"No, I'm annoyed. But the guy eating my arm? He's pissed. Meet the Flaming Asshole of Azzazoth."

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