Not being kind to people in the service industry.
this post was submitted on 12 Aug 2023
80 points (93.5% liked)
Asklemmy
44149 readers
1244 users here now
A loosely moderated place to ask open-ended questions
Search asklemmy π
If your post meets the following criteria, it's welcome here!
- Open-ended question
- Not offensive: at this point, we do not have the bandwidth to moderate overtly political discussions. Assume best intent and be excellent to each other.
- Not regarding using or support for Lemmy: context, see the list of support communities and tools for finding communities below
- Not ad nauseam inducing: please make sure it is a question that would be new to most members
- An actual topic of discussion
Looking for support?
Looking for a community?
- Lemmyverse: community search
- sub.rehab: maps old subreddits to fediverse options, marks official as such
- !lemmy411@lemmy.ca: a community for finding communities
~Icon~ ~by~ ~@Double_A@discuss.tchncs.de~
founded 5 years ago
MODERATORS
lack of curiosity
That's a big one. Also lack of hobbies or passions.
That's a sign of depression.
To be fair, I'd understand if someone don't want to be close friends with someone with depression. In my worst days (depression and other stuff on top of it), I don't want to be in the company of anyone either. It would be very taxing to someone wanting to be close friends with me, so yeah, I'd understand why they'd just opt out of it and stay away.
That's fair, hurtful but fair. I've found that I tend to become frustrated or ashamed due to my lack of ability to help. Certainly completely blaming oneself isn't ideal, and yet the personal investment gets me all sentimental :/
I'll reach out and invite them and try to have talks in depth, there's only so much one can do given the circumstances and I operate in the grey area of 'not knowing where' to justify the extent of my involvement. This isn't well received by others, rightfully so, and though they'll admit I mean well how amenable is someone to someone else who they've known only for a bit to their excessive interest in themselves? I try to focus on providing bits of information as that is closer to being evidence-based rather than rhetoric to persuade them but it doesn't seem to work and I'm a bit clueless on how to continue. Working with orgs makes it much easier, I don't like the depersonalized approach and would like to find some way to incorporate it.
load more comments
(5 replies)
This is exactly what tanked a potential relationship for me a few years ago.
Being "vetted" by them...
Maybe you don't like the wording, but everyone does this. Unless you know if someone will be a close friend the moment you lay eyes on them, or are friends with literally everyone you've spent time with.
load more comments
(2 replies)
For real this seems like a major red flag.
Do people really do that? I just kind of meet people and whatever happens happens.
Right?
That they vetted me
- Belief in nonsense, such as astrology
- Celebrity worship
- Excessive social media usage, especially Twitter
you're on lemmy
What about excessive lemmy usage?
That would be really weird. Thereβs not enough content for excessive Lemmy usage.
load more comments
(1 replies)
- Serious belief in pseudosciences
- Conspiracy theorist
- Right-wing ideology
- Sex prude
If they are cheap/stingy but when someone else is paying they get the more expensive things. If someone is consistently frugal in all situations I don't mind.
load more comments
(2 replies)
Who are these people who have so many choices in friends that they can afford to vet them?
Its not so much having friends to vet them.
its meeting new people that seem, for all intents and purposes, cool and mellow people.
Then you make the mistake of sending them an off-platform friend request and are quickly brought to realization that the only thing keeping them cool and mellow was the platforms rules and reporting.
I got duped like that once in a game, Kept running into eachother and playing together, so sent them an out of game friend request.. Immediately received a massive tirade about what they really thought about trans people, and gays, and other various topics. 100% unprompted, and out of the blue 0-100 in .00237 second.
The only reason I didnt immediately block them was because I was too stupified and took me a solid minute to gather myself. Ended up having to block them in game, too.. Which I think resulted in them being banned, since they sent me a huge message in game about i must be one of those liberal trans homosexuals since i blocked him after his "truth" or whatever bullshit. Reported his ass, and never saw him again.
Crazy is super good at concealing itself, until it thinks you are a compatriot.
Someone who identifies very closely with hustle & grind culture. Someone who claims a personal brand. Someone who kisses up and kicks down.
Inability to follow instructions. Lack of problem solving skills. No common sense.
Anyone who dislikes animals.
Refusing to participate in a civil discussion, but instead resorting to ad hominem (attacking the person not the argument) or refusing to consider the other sides argument. If they do this any minor dispute will escalate to a flame war.
You probably got machine-corrected, that's ad hominem. But yes, not being able to handle an argument healthily is a big handicap in life
load more comments
(1 replies)
If they treat service workers poorly, that's already a red flag for me. Even if the service is disappointing somehow, being an asshole to them is still a red flag to me.
How they treat people who disagree with them politically. If they immediately hate/cut off people for political disagreements, we're not going to be friends any deeper than surface level.
What if they hate/cut off fascists though?
I know a lot of people who are close friends with BJP fans and I always thought that was fucking weird
load more comments
(4 replies)
Depends on the disagreement... if the topic under discussion is as inflammatory as abortion or trans rights, I'm sure you can understand why some folks can't agree to disagree.
load more comments
(2 replies)
load more comments
(1 replies)
Unimpactful trait? I'd say if they put the toilet paper the wrong way, if you have to ask which way is the right way we can't be friends. Also if they don't return the shopping cart, instant way for me to lose respect for you.
Both ways can be right, depending on if you have cats or not.
Nope, I have cats and it's still only one way. I'm sorry but we can't be friends with that attitude.
Both have cats and have fostered cats. This person is right; there's still only one correct way.
load more comments
(1 replies)
Oddly enough your rigity on this is why we could not be friends.
load more comments
(2 replies)
Gossiping about other people. Venting is fine, but when you start pointing out weird random unflattering traits from people we know just to giggled I just lose interest
Listens to pop music
I'd go with people who refuse to admit to listening to pop music and/or center their entire personality around a music genre. I like jazz, I like classical and more, but I find the weird superiority complex specifically punk/rock/metal listeners have towards pop music very, very and I mean VERY cringe. This said, fuck Swifties, the woman alone is murdering the planet with how much she flies for no apparent reason.
Yeah, you gotta be more than a single thread carpet.
Same for any pop media. Some is fine, but if they think every current trending show or movies is "the best" than I know they don't have a system of standard.
Almost forgot this place is filled with redditors
view more: next βΊ