this post was submitted on 20 Apr 2025

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Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

Anon is often crazy.
Anon is often depressed.
Anon frequently shares thoughts that are immature, offensive, or incomprehensible.

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

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418

Anon contracts herpes (sh.itjust.works)

submitted 2 weeks ago by Gullible@sh.itjust.works to c/greentext@sh.itjust.works

78 comments fedilink hide all child comments

>Get BJ on prom night 
>Week later massive red spot on cock
>Herpes
>Fuck
>doctor say this shit is
uncurable
>No woman will want me
>Struggle with shame and depression
>Lose all interest in sex
>Go years without being with a woman
>Finally regain some self confidence
>Brainwave.exe
>Need woman who already has the disease
>Find old hooker on craigslist
>Looks pretty ragged on the blurred photo
>Has probably had a million diseased cocks in her
>Call her up
>Explain I have herpes
>Tell her I presume she has it too
>Silence
>Then she hangs up

I dont know where to go from here bros

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[–] superkret@feddit.org 260 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)

Be careful with those greentexts.
Now that the source has run out, they're irreplaceable artifacts.

[–] SkaveRat@discuss.tchncs.de 142 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

I'm rationing my greentexts. I only read one line a day

[–] Gullible@sh.itjust.works 95 points 2 weeks ago (4 children)

It’s fine, I can easily search 8chan and find greentexts an order of magnitude more deranged. This isn’t even the tip of the iceberg, thankfully/unfortunately

[–] superkret@feddit.org 77 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

[–] Mim@lemmy.zip 34 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Back in the day I thought that of /b/.
Those were simpler times. A more… civilized age.

[–] spooky2092@lemmy.blahaj.zone 31 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Back when /b/ was a containment board, not the whitehouse

[–] ICastFist@programming.dev 9 points 2 weeks ago

[–] match@pawb.social 55 points 2 weeks ago

"why savor a fine bordeux when the local liquor store has horse tranquilizer in plastic jugs" mfer

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[–] errer@lemmy.world 26 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

I’m surprised it’s still down (just checked)

[–] spooky2092@lemmy.blahaj.zone 26 points 2 weeks ago

I'm not. The site was running on old software a decade ago and hasn't been touched. I'd be surprised if they don't swipe another chan software and just slapped a coat of paint on it, but I don't expect them to be rushing to get the site back online after they got entirely rinsed.

[–] Opisek@lemmy.world 84 points 2 weeks ago (11 children)

Literally ⅔ of all humanity has at least one type of HSV. It is not the end of the world.

[–] Tar_alcaran@sh.itjust.works 34 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

And it's not infectious when it's asymptomatic.

[–] Two2Tango@lemmy.ca 29 points 2 weeks ago

And it's asymptomatic most of the time. 😚

[–] rirus@feddit.org 15 points 2 weeks ago

Thats false! “Transmission may still occur when symptoms are not present.” https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Herpes

[–] Turret3857@infosec.pub 21 points 2 weeks ago (14 children)

Where can I find more info on this? You've peaked my curiosity and I want to learn more about HSV and how it works.

[–] PrettyFlyForAFatGuy@feddit.uk 29 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (1 children)

It works by making fucking ugly sore blisters on/around my mouth a couple times a year. they dry out and crust off after a week or so and i get on with my life.

https://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/herpes-simplex-virus

[–] Turret3857@infosec.pub 18 points 2 weeks ago (6 children)

Huh, either I dont know I have it or I got lucky. Thats crazy. I imagine an STD test would pick up HSV-2 but I wonder if it also picks up the oral variant. Ive never actually noticed any symptoms on myself. This is actually crazy though I didnt know this, I feel like more people should. TIL lol

[–] Opisek@lemmy.world 29 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

You can totally also be asymptomatic for your whole life and not know it. It is also useful to know that "oral herpes" doesn't exclusively affect your mouth, and "genital herpes" doesn't exclusively affect your genitals. Just more often. Both types can appear in both locations. The hypothetical person from the greentext would likely have contracted oral herpes. I'm not sure how that works with STD tests, though.

[–] Pacattack57@lemmy.world 20 points 2 weeks ago

I got tested once and the doctor told me testing for herpes is pointless because most everyone has the antibodies in their body due to how common it is. The test gives false positives most of the time.

[–] LustyArgonianMana@lemmy.world 17 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

No one tests for HSV1 ever unless you have a bad active outbreak.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK47447/

Worldwide, ∼90% of people have one or both viruses. HSV-1 is the more prevalent virus, with 65% of persons in the United States having antibodies to HSV-1 (Xu et al., 2002). The epidemiology in Europe is similar, with at least half of the population seropositive for HSV-1. In the developing world, HSV-1 is almost universal, and usually acquired from intimate contact with family in early childhood

2/3 of the population UNDER 50 have some form of HSV, but virtually every person autopsied that died over the age of 60 will have HSV-1. It's THAT common. That's why they don't test.

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[–] LOLseas@sh.itjust.works 18 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

piqued my curiosity...

https://www.merriam-webster.com/grammar/pique-vs-peak-vs-peek

[–] sugar_in_your_tea@sh.itjust.works 22 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

Nah, OP has reached peak curiosity, it's all downhill from here.

[–] Turret3857@infosec.pub 9 points 2 weeks ago

i choose this explanation. nothing is or will be as interesting as this question I asked at 3am

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[–] Skullgrid@lemmy.world 9 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

Tell me you have herpes without saying you have herpes.

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[–] Sandal6823@sh.itjust.works 9 points 2 weeks ago

1/3 club 😎🤏

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[–] Rivalarrival@lemmy.today 79 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Anon, who'd you get the BJ from? They can't give it to you again...

[–] Cheradenine@sh.itjust.works 86 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

This is a common misconception and the leading cause of Turbo herpes outbreaks.

Stay safe kids

[–] rirus@feddit.org 16 points 2 weeks ago (4 children)

Source?

[–] Cheradenine@sh.itjust.works 32 points 2 weeks ago

Um, it happened to a friend of mine

[–] Acinonyx@lemmy.sdf.org 21 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

it's the same with turbo aids and turbo autism

[–] sugar_in_your_tea@sh.itjust.works 9 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

I had two autistic roommates in college, and somehow I got out of there with only a mild infection.

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[–] southsamurai@sh.itjust.works 13 points 2 weeks ago

Source? The same cock they sucked the first time, obviously

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[–] Kit@lemmy.blahaj.zone 65 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

I got HSV-2 after my longtime partner cheated on me, and it's absolutely miserable. I wouldn't recommend anyone take it as lightly as some people do. During the first outbreak I couldn't pee at all because it was blocking my urinary tract, and it felt like I had a horrible flu. I get outbreaks constantly and they're so painful that it's hard to sit at my computer at work. The daily pills are massive and give me a stomach ache, and only reduce the frequency of the outbreaks but don't prevent them entirely.

I never asked for this, I was never promiscuous, I only did not use protection because we were in a monogamous relationship for 4 years. Dating is hard enough because I'm trans and ugly, so I've resigned myself to just never having sex again.

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[–] lowleekun@ani.social 59 points 2 weeks ago

Fake: Anon getting a blowjob Gay: Anon pretending to have a disease as explanation of never touching a women

[–] FartsWithAnAccent@fedia.io 34 points 2 weeks ago

Pretty sure there are sites specifically for and sites that have filters for people who have certain STDs (HSV1, HSV2, AIDS, etc.) so affected people can still get together without worrying about spreading diseases.

I forget which one it is, but even one of the mainstream sites had an option for this years ago when I was dating. OK Cupid? Plenty of Fish? I think it might've been one of those.

[–] ShittDickk@lemmy.world 23 points 2 weeks ago

HSV2 dating sites be lit though.

[–] ieatpwns@lemmy.world 18 points 2 weeks ago

Finally some actually rare Pepe’s

[–] rirus@feddit.org 15 points 2 weeks ago

Also there are different Herpes strains.

[–] rirus@feddit.org 15 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

Do you ask a woman before kissing here if she has any diseases?

[–] TwoBeeSan@lemmy.world 30 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (3 children)

I ask to inspect her anus with a flashlight. Halogen preferred.

[–] Sidyctism2@discuss.tchncs.de 10 points 2 weeks ago

thats hot!

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[–] FartsWithAnAccent@fedia.io 12 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

If they don't have a sore, they ~~aren't infectious~~ are less infectious, but frankly, if this isn't something she tells you before it gets intimate, that's a red flag in my book. One of my exes had HSV and she disclosed everything to me beforehand. I kinda freaked out internally at first and considered breaking it off, but then I actually researched it and found out there's not a risk if they're not having a breakout (still use protection of course).

Things didn't work out because of other reasons, but it was a pretty good relationship while it lasted and I don't regret it. I still have a clean bill of health, no infections so if you meet someone that has HSV, try to keep in mind it doesn't necessarily have to be a deal breaker as long as your partner is honest with you and you take precautions.

Edited to correct a factual error.

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