memes

Careful running those at night. Depending on local wildlife, you might end up waking up to a mowed hedgehog.

Don't mow nearly that often, you need to give the grass time to grow so local wildlife can try to go through a lifecycle when it can. Constantly mowing your grass is terrible for overall biodiversity, lowers soil quality and is bad for pollinators. Only mow like every two weeks if you can.

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I'd need three of those because my yard -- or rather yards -- are three discontinuous chunks.

But then, that may qualify as my own robot army. Hmm...

They're all functionally interchangeable as far as I can tell, but only conceptually and not in the sense that your batteries will fit all the different machines because the manufacturers have seen to it that it doesn't work this way (because fuck you, that's why).

If your machine is dying in minutes the issue is probably that the battery is roached, not the machine. Lithium-whatever batteries do not last forever, and generally the ones in outdoor equipment are not charged or stored with much care, or in ideal temperature conditions, etc.

The secret is to just buy Chinese knockoff off-brand batteries. "But," all the oldheads will cry, "Those are Chinese garbage!"

Yes, they are. But so are the "OEM" batteries. The only real difference is the audacity of the markup; you may as well pay what they're actually worth rather than what your local big box store thinks people ought to believe they're worth. Before you throw away your weedwhacker, get a knockoff battery pack from Aliexpress or Amazon or whatever and give it a shot. Worst case you're out thirty bucks, but the gamble is probably better than buying a whole new weedwhacker.

I have all Ryobi crap, for the most part, because that's where I got roped in initially and that way I only have to stock one kind of battery. I have two genuine batteries that came with my stuff, but all the rest are knockoffs. The knockoffs are everything the genuine batteries are, but 1/6 of the cost. Actually, due to the perpetual slow march of battery tech improvements, one of my knockoffs is legitimately a noticeably higher capacity than my oldest genuine Ryobi batteries were even when they were brand new.

CRANK THAT HOG BROTHER