this post was submitted on 16 Dec 2024
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[–] pyre@lemmy.world 70 points 5 days ago (6 children)

we enshrined his torture and put it literally everywhere. you think that might have anything to do with it?

[–] LifeInMultipleChoice@lemmy.world 21 points 5 days ago (12 children)

Well people said if he comes back he's going to slaughter all of us, maybe making him afraid to come back is the point? Haha

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[–] GladiusB@lemmy.world 7 points 5 days ago (4 children)

It's not like all humankind suffers and he is a relatable representation of our own suffering. Kind of like Iron Man or other heroes.

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[–] Blackmist@feddit.uk 2 points 4 days ago

"you think if JFK comes back he wants to see sniper rifles everywhere?"

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[–] smeg@feddit.uk 113 points 6 days ago (2 children)

I feel I've seen this exact joke in an SMBC or something several years ago

[–] drolex@sopuli.xyz 110 points 6 days ago (1 children)
[–] smeg@feddit.uk 34 points 6 days ago

Even more similar than I remembered!

[–] MossyFeathers@pawb.social 24 points 6 days ago (1 children)

The joke has been around a while, so they probably have made the same joke.

[–] Sergio@slrpnk.net 64 points 6 days ago (2 children)

That joke's been around since 1750 BC

Tell Ea-nasir: Nanni sends the following message:

When Jesus came, Jesus said to you as follows : "I will return when the time is right." Jesus left then but has not yet returned to you as promised. Now you look to my messenger (Sit-Sin) and ask: "Why, then, has Jesus not returned?"

What do you take me for, that Jesus would not return to me after visiting? Would you treat somebody like Jesus with such contempt? I have sent as messengers gentlemen like ourselves to invite Jesus to return several times, and that through enemy territory. Is there anyone among the merchants who trade with Telmun to whom Jesus has not returned?

You alone ask why this is so! Take cognizance that (from now on) Jesus shall exercise against you the right of rejection if you have treated him with contempt. How did you treat Jesus when he visited?

Translated from the original Akkadian: https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/complaint-tablet-to-ea-nasir (er... this is a joke btw)

[–] acockworkorange@mander.xyz 16 points 6 days ago

Top tier joke, mate.

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[–] Kolanaki@yiffit.net 85 points 6 days ago* (last edited 6 days ago) (1 children)

Jesus ain't coming back until people stop wearing crosses around their neck, scaring him away.

[–] TacoSocks@infosec.pub 15 points 5 days ago (5 children)
[–] AlecSadler@sh.itjust.works 24 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago) (1 children)

I think they mean because Jesus was supposedly murdered on a cross, and then his followers wear said cross as a symbol of their love for him or some shit - which is honestly kind of weird.

[–] Alexstarfire@lemmy.world 16 points 5 days ago (2 children)

You think that's weird? They drink his blood and eat his flesh too.

[–] Agent641@lemmy.world 10 points 5 days ago

I wouldn't come back either

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[–] intensely_human@lemm.ee 27 points 5 days ago

It’s so interesting to see reactions of horror triggered by a mention of kindness suddenly putting one’s own actions into perspective.

[–] Magnetic_dud@discuss.tchncs.de 40 points 5 days ago (2 children)

A press conference with aliens? I don't think so. They'll be killed and get a very detailed autopsy as soon as they put their feet on the ground

[–] pfm@scribe.disroot.org 8 points 5 days ago

Then I hope they have no feet! 🤪

[–] Piemanding@sh.itjust.works 8 points 5 days ago

Unless we were threatened with overwhelming power.

[–] undergroundoverground@lemmy.world 23 points 5 days ago (1 children)

More like "what didn't we do?"

Am I right?

[–] SkyezOpen@lemmy.world 18 points 5 days ago (2 children)

Like 90% of what he told us to do, for starters.

[–] Kellenved@sh.itjust.works 8 points 5 days ago

That 10% is doing a lot of work here

[–] jubilationtcornpone@sh.itjust.works 3 points 4 days ago (1 children)

Jesus: "Love one another."

Everyone else: "We're gonna kill that son of a bitch."

[–] Subverb@lemmy.world 37 points 5 days ago (3 children)

There's a sci-fi book series called Hyperion where one of the main fucuses of the far-future theocratic government is to search for signs and symbolism of Jesus on other planets. Since if you find an alien species worshipping Jesus or using cross symbolism, you've all but proven that God exists.

[–] cuerdo@lemmy.world 15 points 5 days ago (6 children)

You will prove that one god exists?

Or even less, you will prove that someone with god-like powers exists?

Or even less, you will prove tat we live in a simulation written by some christian sect.

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[–] theangryseal@lemmy.world 10 points 5 days ago (8 children)

Will be reading this if you think it’s worth it.

I’m a huge fan of classic sci-fi (Asimov, Heinlein). How does it hold up?

And before someone eats me alive about Heinlein, I’ve heard it all. Been a fan since I was a kid and the ideological side of it doesn’t matter to me as much as the stories these days. I’m an atheist because of authors like him. I wouldn’t take it back for anything.

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[–] Diplomjodler3@lemmy.world 46 points 6 days ago (48 children)

TBF, his (hypothetical) dad planned the whole thing.

[–] Anticorp@lemmy.world 13 points 6 days ago (15 children)

Yes, but only because he knew our nature, and still wanted to love and forgive us, despite being quite unforgivable.

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[–] Lucidlethargy@sh.itjust.works 29 points 6 days ago (2 children)

Yeah, but wait until you hear what these green guys did to Santa.

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[–] MossyFeathers@pawb.social 27 points 6 days ago (2 children)

We killed God. And we'd do it again if given the chance.

[–] Gerudo@lemm.ee 27 points 6 days ago

Oh, I know a good chunk of this country seeing a brown skinned guy helping out the poor and being all woke and shit, would put him right back up on that cross.

[–] Lost_My_Mind@lemmy.world 17 points 6 days ago (1 children)

God creates earth. God creates dinosaurs. God destroys dinosaurs. God creates man. Man destroys god. Man creates dinosaurs. Dinosaurs eat man. Woman inherits the earth.

[–] deadbeef79000@lemmy.nz 11 points 6 days ago

Life, uh, finds a way.

[–] samus12345@lemm.ee 23 points 6 days ago
[–] whotookkarl@lemmy.world 3 points 4 days ago

I can't read these comics without being reminded of a character in Community reading "Warren Piece"

[–] Sam_Bass@lemmy.world 7 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago)

If y'all think Jesus is so good you should meet his hermanito lupe.

[–] SaharaMaleikuhm@feddit.org 12 points 6 days ago

Explanation: humans suck

[–] Flax_vert@feddit.uk 7 points 5 days ago (1 children)

If Jesus were to show up on an alien planet would He be incarnate as an alien

[–] Knock_Knock_Lemmy_In@lemmy.world 6 points 5 days ago (2 children)

Yes.

The question is, would he be alien to us or them.

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