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this post was submitted on 28 Apr 2024
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...and 1001 other jokes you can tell yourself
A wise man once said:
You never finish a program, you just stop working on it.
When you stop looking for bugs you can honestly say you haven't found any. That's how how the pandemic ended.
Covid is now a feature. Sounds about right.
There are no bugs. Just happy little accidental features.
This is what I'm telling my boss from now on.
I often incorporate features into my software that ensure it shuts down automatically on certain actions, or when you’ve used it for too long. So you can go out and see some nature. It’s totally not crashes.
As a senior dev I can confidently tell you that isn't a bug. The code was written to do it that way, and the code is right, so it must be right. Maybe there is a bug in what you think it should do.
The only difference between bugs and features is documentation.
But there is no documentation
It sounds like a joke but as another senior dev, one of the big lessons I've learned is getting really good at capturing all the requests that come in and who approved them.
It's a bit of cya, but mostly so I can say "I can change that but it's not a bug. It's what was requested for this to do last year. Here's the discussion" It's surprising how often that results in "Oh yeah, that was for x. Let's not touch it." Or "oh that's not a quick fix, let me come back with more information" etc
In my own workplace, it's sometimes resulted in massive rabbithole searches along the lines of "this doesn't seem right. Why would this even be designed this way if it wasn't intentional?" Which then becomes asking even more senior devs who had been there for decades to scour decades old emails and/or hitting up another decades senior dev who's now on another project on the other side of the country to check their emails until we eventually figure out why it was, in fact, intentional.
…so far.
How I felt 10 minutes ago when I fixed a bug just after zipping it for release.
Must have deleted the entire program.
In some interpretations of "bug-driven" programming, no file, or perhaps an empty file, is an instance of the zeroth-bug: The project does not exist.
One could argue that this bug zero is the true ancestor of all other bugs. There's something satisfyingly set-theoretic about it.
Too philosophical for me.
And they lived happily ever after. The end.
We all got into this mess because some scientists from a long time ago figured out how to put lightning into a slab of rock to trick it into thinking.
I like it. Sounds like Douglas Adams.
congratz
Thank you! Nobody else acknowledged my achievement!!
Haha
Debugging my hello world be like:
The bug you’ll fix that will spawn 3 more somewhere else in the code
FTFY
Zarro boogs found.