this post was submitted on 12 Mar 2024
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Please dont take this seriously guys its just a dumb meme I haven't written a single line of code in half of these languages

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[–] smileyhead@discuss.tchncs.de 140 points 1 year ago (5 children)

Every programming language has it's place.

JavaScript's place is in hell.

[–] Bishma@discuss.tchncs.de 55 points 1 year ago

I used to think Javascript was hell when I barely used it. Now I have to build with it regularly and... once in a while I'm just right about things.

[–] Da_Boom@iusearchlinux.fyi 27 points 1 year ago

Ever wanted to be somewhere inbetween java and JavaScript?

Yeah, that's Groovy. Only it's the wrong groove

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[–] bort@sopuli.xyz 114 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (3 children)

Latex: Problem --> \def\please@#1#2#3#4{\e@kill#2#3{\me#1}#4@now} -->

[–] renzev@lemmy.world 62 points 1 year ago (15 children)

Accurate. LaTeX is great, it makes you feel like you have superpowers compared to "office suite"-style software. But every once in a while you just run into some bullshit that feels like it's stuck in 1985 and it completely breaks your flow. I remember wanting to make a longtable where text in the "date" column would be rotated by 90 degrees to leave more horizontal room for the other columns. It took me two rotateboxes, a phantom, a vspace, a hspace and 40 minutes of my life to get the alignment right. Would probably have taken a duckduckgo search and three clicks in Libreoffice.

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[–] bitwolf@lemmy.one 22 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I got way too excited Lemmy parsed LaTeX for a second

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[–] xlash123@sh.itjust.works 110 points 1 year ago (4 children)

PHP: Problem -> real_solution_for_real_this_time() (real_solution_i_swear() is unsafe and deprecated)

[–] xmunk@sh.itjust.works 25 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Eh, your statement is accurate for PHP4 and still relevant up to PHP5.2... We're on PHP8.3 now and PHP8.0 is now out of security updates. I know it's trend to hate on PHP but you've got to at least update your materials to var-vars... it's like knocking node for having substr() and substring().

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[–] Swedneck@discuss.tchncs.de 106 points 1 year ago (5 children)

missing the stage of C where it's all incomprehensible bitfucking with comments like "this works, i do not know why it works, do not touch this"

[–] sheepishly@kbin.social 37 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Real fast inverse square root algorithm hours

[–] PlexSheep@feddit.de 18 points 1 year ago (3 children)

That one is not that complicated if you don't think about the math. It's basically just if we interpret the float as int and add a magic number we have a good estimation.

From what I remember at least, it's been a little while since I implemented it.

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[–] neidu2@feddit.nl 90 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (10 children)

Perl:

Problem -> $ @ % <=> <> =()= => ; qw() ])} select(undef, undef, undef, 0.25) =~ tr/.?\w\sREg3xfr0mhe|l/foo/g; $|++ &homebrewedFunction(%$ref, $_ , @_ ) -> solution

Source: I mainly code in perl. I like it, but I'll be the first to admit that it's not a beautiful language.

I was about to make an entry for lisp here, but I don't have enough parentheses to draw the path to the solution.

[–] MonsiuerPatEBrown@reddthat.com 37 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

https://www.foo.be/docs/tpj/issues/vol4_4/tpj0404-0015.html

The Perl Poetry Contest - The Perl Journal, Winter 1999

#!/usr/bin/perl
#
# asylum.pl
# by Harl

close (youreyes);
bind (yourself, fast);

while ($narcosis) {
   exists $to($calm);
   not calm;
}

accept the, anesthesia;
seek the, $granted, $asylum'
and wait;

stat ically;

unlink and listen (in, $complicity);

for (a, little) {
   system ("sync hronicity");
}

[–] mindbleach@sh.itjust.works 23 points 1 year ago (5 children)

Perl is write-only code. Larry Wall raised a monkey's paw and asked for a language that works the way programmers want. So most Perl is the first thing someone tried, unfiltered by rigid syntax putting your thoughts in order, compiler warnings bringing side effects to mind, or even names forcing you to decide what a variable is. An uncommented Perl script is raw brain patterns displayed as ASCII.

Thank god it runs like crap. We'd be in so much trouble if it was fast. Optimized C isn't exactly gorgeous, but any project that compiles proves someone looked at the code more than once.

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[–] RageAgainstTheRich@lemmy.world 87 points 1 year ago (3 children)

C: "Segmentation fault."

Where?

C: 🤷🏻

[–] Classy@sh.itjust.works 54 points 1 year ago (1 children)

C: gestures vaguely everywhere

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[–] BeigeAgenda@lemmy.ca 33 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Then you open the core file with GDB and hope the stack is not smashed.

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[–] vox@sopuli.xyz 17 points 1 year ago

gdb -> where

[–] Shady_Shiroe@lemmy.world 75 points 1 year ago
[–] turkishdelight@lemmy.ml 63 points 1 year ago (2 children)

python is like that. someone waay smarter than you have already done this 10 years ago.

[–] stevedidwhat_infosec@infosec.pub 26 points 1 year ago (31 children)

Idk I still like writing my own stuff purely pythonic when I can. Pythons syntax is the most “fun” and “natural” for me so I find it fun. Like doin a sudoku puzzle

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[–] Hotzilla@sopuli.xyz 60 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

C# Solution -> .sln

(brought to you by .net gang)

[–] xantoxis@lemmy.world 60 points 1 year ago (7 children)
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[–] onlinepersona@programming.dev 52 points 1 year ago (1 children)

C --> segfault --> new problem

[–] fl42v@lemmy.ml 37 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (2 children)

ResizedImage_2024-03-12_22-25-43_1

Sry, the best I can do on mobile

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[–] underisk@lemmy.ml 51 points 1 year ago (3 children)

The line between problem and solution for C should be 30 miles long.

[–] kevincox@lemmy.ml 29 points 1 year ago (1 children)

...with 19 bugs 9 of which are exploitable.

[–] witty_username@feddit.nl 19 points 1 year ago (2 children)

And one bug that one person found once but is not reproducible

[–] Rodeo@lemmy.ca 18 points 1 year ago

So the developers claim, but the users still encounter it, and the bug report stays open for 22 years ... possibly more.

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[–] affiliate@lemmy.world 48 points 1 year ago

i feel like javascript could also be

Problem -> solution -> 3 days pass -> all dependencies had breaking changes made -> problem

[–] NocturnalMorning@lemmy.world 42 points 1 year ago (4 children)

Python one is accurate. Most of our problems are solved by importing a library and writing the line, librarySolver.importedFunction.SolveMyProblem()

def main(): Print('thanks librarySolver')

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[–] leaky_shower_thought@feddit.nl 40 points 1 year ago (7 children)

for the ones missing the marvelous HTML, I gotchu bro:

<problem />

[–] Mr_Fish@lemmy.world 25 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Add css, and the problem looks really pretty now

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[–] xigoi@lemmy.sdf.org 35 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Actual C: Problem → Segmentation fault

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[–] loweffortname@lemmy.blahaj.zone 29 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] theherk@lemmy.world 16 points 1 year ago

I’ve seen this before but don’t accept it myself. There are cases where you just wanted to cat. In this case, maybe to review the problem. Then you want to extend the command. Preserving it in the next commands where you start stacking on pipes is useful since it can be fewer strokes and maintain a habit.

[–] nintendiator@feddit.cl 26 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (4 children)

C:

Problemreturn Solution;

C++:

Problem

const [auto]&& (Problem&& problem) noexcept(noexcept( Solution<Problem>{}(std::forward<Problem>(problem)) )) { return Solution<Problem>{}(std::forward<Problem>(problem)); } -> decltype( Solution<Problem>{}(std::forward<Problem>(problem)) )
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[–] idunnololz@lemmy.world 20 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (7 children)

It's ironic that the illustration for JavaScript is probably the most realistic and best solution IRL. In the sense that a lot of what problem solving is (which is a big part of software engineer) is breaking a big problem into smaller problems. And you continue doing this until each problem is solvable in a short period of time.

JavaScript sucks though as a language.

[–] CaptainSpaceman@lemmy.world 19 points 1 year ago (2 children)

I thought it was a jab at all the NPM packages

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[–] wabafee@lemm.ee 19 points 1 year ago

JS is basically the Hydra from the Greek Mythology.

Though PHP is literally the problem had me lol.

[–] deathmetal27@lemmy.world 17 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Java:

Problem -> NullPointerException.

[–] bleistift2@feddit.de 33 points 1 year ago (4 children)

More like

Problem → new ProblemSolverFactory().createProblemSolver().solveProblem();

[–] MajorHavoc@programming.dev 18 points 1 year ago (3 children)

Exactly. And configured by 5000 lines of brittle XML.

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