this post was submitted on 26 Nov 2024
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I literally cannot think of a better punchline

Edit: See it for yourself

top 50 comments
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[–] NegativeLookBehind@lemmy.world 302 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

The most open ports

The most open CVEs

The most open complaint threads

Windows 🥇

[–] spankmonkey@lemmy.world 44 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Open to malicious actors, because of all the bugs.

[–] Goun@lemmy.ml 15 points 3 weeks ago

because of all the opens.

ftfy

[–] OsrsNeedsF2P@lemmy.ml 12 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

Linux has way more CVEs: https://lore.kernel.org/linux-cve-announce/

(Partially because they don't respect CVEs and assign CVEs to everything)

[–] CosmicTurtle0@lemmy.dbzer0.com 22 points 3 weeks ago

Measuring number of CVEs is not a great metric anyway.

Linux is open source, so people can find more things wrong with it and fix it.

It just means that Linux users and developers are more diligent in finding and removing vulnerabilities.

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[–] originalucifer@moist.catsweat.com 146 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

unfucking believable... they are saying the quiet part out lout now

the least private operating system

[–] timewarp@lemmy.world 25 points 3 weeks ago (3 children)

Embrace, extend, and extinguish. They literally documented it as being their strategy. Now the justice department is chasing Google who despite being bad, at least provides enough source code where people have created privacy-focused derivatives of Android. I'd much rather see them go after Microsoft first but the government relies on Microsoft, and Microsoft relies on our tax dollars going to the government so they can get them.

[–] rottingleaf@lemmy.world 13 points 3 weeks ago (8 children)

Kill Google, kill Apple, kill Meta, kill Amazon. I'm not sure whether killing Apple is necessary - despite their problems, they at least have an honest business model (of profiting off a cult). I think yes, split them too.

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[–] asteriskeverything@lemmy.world 114 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Bitch I can't even find basic settings cuz they are so hidden in sub menus

I'm no programmer or UX designer but I can imagine what a mess things are on the dev side

[–] superkret@feddit.org 99 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (4 children)

As an admin it gets so much worse. Twice a year your admin portal gets renamed, redesigned, merged with and/or split from another one, or removed, and all those changes are done halfway.
Which means some settings are only on the old version and others only on the new. Then the old one is discontinued even though the new one doesn't have all its functions, yet.
So you completely rely on Powershell. But wait, there's 2 incompatible versions of it now.

I'm currently thinking about a career change, after reading in Microsoft's official documentation that you need to install the new version of Powershell, import the beta version of several commandlets and then run a long script provided by them, only to keep every user on your org from creating their own Teams teams.
And their newest feature is allowing every user to put in their credit card info and buy MS products on the company domain without running it by IT. It's called "self service", enabled by default, and you have to click on a slider to disable it individually for every. single. product. Microsoft. offers.

[–] themoonisacheese@sh.itjust.works 35 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

Jesus Christ.

I've been doing linux admin and honestly I haven't been looking back. My breaking point was Microsoft pushing a kb that rebooted domain controllers for no reason.

[–] superkret@feddit.org 27 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (5 children)

I still remember the update that sent domain controllers into a bootloop.
That was fun!

And the one that bluescreened all Windows servers.
No, the other one!

Oh, and the one that did an in-place-upgrade by itself, then locked your server cause it wasn't licensed for the new OS version.

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[–] Laser@feddit.org 15 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

And their newest feature is allowing every user to put in their credit card info and buy MS products on the company domain without running it by IT. It’s called “self service”, enabled by default, and you have to click on a slider to disable it individually for every. single. product. Microsoft. offers.

LMAO that is a special kind of pathetic

[–] superkret@feddit.org 12 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago)

It's maddening, cause it's so blindingly obvious what went on in their minds when they implemented it that way.
"If just 0.1% of the users do that, it'll make us $XX million. Can you design a popup for it that we can show all users when they open Teams?"

It tells me as an admin that the software I manage as my career isn't designed to be useful anymore. It's only designed to extract the maximum amount of money.
It also tells me it's time to get off this ride, cause Microsoft is evidently pushing towards a future where they administer the system, not me.

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[–] superkret@feddit.org 88 points 3 weeks ago
[–] aeronmelon@lemmy.world 85 points 3 weeks ago

When one backdoor closes, three more open.

[–] FoxyGrandpa@lemmy.world 71 points 3 weeks ago (8 children)

The goatse OS, if you will

[–] Hobbes_Dent@lemmy.world 17 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago)

Shit, I came here to say the same.

Your computer: a yawning maw

We: watch

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[–] iAvicenna@lemmy.world 62 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

most open to user privacy violations?

[–] LordWiggle@lemmy.world 23 points 3 weeks ago (10 children)

Most open for frustration. Most open for ads. Most open for taking away control from the user.

Trust me, in a few years windows will be a monthly subscription, still filled with ads and no control over your own pc. Windows 10 will turn to a yearly subscription already. 30 dollars per year per pc for security updates. Office is already subscription based. Companies smell money, want to turn everything to a subscription.

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[–] MonkderVierte@lemmy.ml 54 points 3 weeks ago (5 children)

Didn't they call it "the most secure" a while ago?

Why are they allowed to openly lie?

[–] GhiLA@sh.itjust.works 20 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (1 children)

In the case of marketing, it's just considered an opinion, mostly because if anything like that is ever put forth to a Judge, there's 900 odd ways to loophole it.

"We meant our assholes, your honor; as open as they come."

"We meant uhm... accepting."

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[–] deaf_fish@lemm.ee 16 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

A probably a bit political for this topic, but most companies are allowed to lie about most things. Only a few things that they're not allowed to lie about.

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[–] bitwolf@sh.itjust.works 49 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Open? Sure, definitely open.... To vulnerabilities

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[–] octopus_ink@lemmy.ml 49 points 3 weeks ago
[–] Milk_Sheikh@lemm.ee 46 points 3 weeks ago (12 children)

Open to what exactly..?

OPEN TO WHAT!?

[–] LifeLemons@lemmy.ml 40 points 3 weeks ago

Open to advertisers

[–] Reygle@lemmy.world 20 points 3 weeks ago

Infection, zero days, and data collection. TOTALLY open to those.

[–] Sabata11792@ani.social 15 points 3 weeks ago

Everyone but the user.

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[–] Asafum@feddit.nl 38 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

All users activity open for us to scrape! Recall™

The most open operating system!

Microsoft: Fuck your privacy!©

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[–] stinky@redlemmy.com 37 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

Sometimes the elites poke fun at us with obviously untrue, absurd statements. It's the equivalent of grabbing someone's fist, pushing it in their face, and saying "stop punching yourself".

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[–] rc__buggy@sh.itjust.works 35 points 3 weeks ago (3 children)

most open to what? mostopentowhat?!

[–] billiam0202@lemmy.world 31 points 3 weeks ago

Most open to "enhancing your operating system experience with special offers and promotional materials"!

[–] transientpunk@sh.itjust.works 18 points 3 weeks ago

Viruses? Malware? Hackers?

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[–] akilou@sh.itjust.works 32 points 3 weeks ago

[Citation needed]

[–] GoofSchmoofer@lemmy.world 30 points 3 weeks ago (3 children)

Most open to making money at the expense of security.

"“What they were telling me was counterintuitive to everything I’d heard at Microsoft about ‘customer first,’” Harris said. “Now they’re telling me it’s not ‘customer first,’ it’s actually ‘business first.’”

DiCola, Harris’ then-supervisor, told ProPublica the race to dominate the market for new and high-growth areas like the cloud drove the decisions of Microsoft’s product teams. “That is always like, ‘Do whatever it frickin’ takes to win because you have to win.’ Because if you don’t win, it’s much harder to win it back in the future. Customers tend to buy that product forever.”

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[–] badbytes@lemmy.world 28 points 3 weeks ago

Without walls, you wouldn't need windows.

[–] kubica@fedia.io 27 points 3 weeks ago (11 children)

So when does the false advertisement lawsuit start?

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[–] Underwaterbob@lemm.ee 27 points 3 weeks ago (27 children)

I had just hit the button on a recording session last night, and a fucking full page "ARE YOU PREPARED FOR THE EOL OF WINDOWS 10!!" (paraphrased) popped up over my DAW. Yeah, I'm prepared alright Microsoft. I've got a flash drive with Linux ready to install if you keep pulling shit like this. It's going to suck because a lot of audio software developers are garbage with Linux support, but if Windows is just as garbage, there's no reason not to migrate.

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[–] daniskarma@lemmy.dbzer0.com 22 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

This just reinforced my will to continue with the linux evangelization.

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[–] mariusafa@lemmy.sdf.org 22 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)
[–] NONE_dc@lemmy.world 11 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (1 children)
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[–] cypherpunks@lemmy.ml 22 points 3 weeks ago
[–] phoenixz@lemmy.ca 21 points 3 weeks ago

What happens when you favor marketing over anything else?

You just lie, lie, lie, so many times that you actually believe your own shit

[–] sin_free_for_00_days@sopuli.xyz 16 points 3 weeks ago

We, at least in the US, are living in a "post factual" world. So this makes perfect sense. Like when my kid was small and everytime he thought he "lost" at something he would declare it Opposite Day. Fuck it, why not? M$ being the most open OS makes no sense, so it makes total sense. War is Peace^tm^

[–] hungryphrog@lemmy.blahaj.zone 16 points 3 weeks ago

Windows, now without curtains!

[–] 1984@lemmy.today 12 points 3 weeks ago

Well Microsoft spies on every user so sure, it's completely open to Microsoft what they do and who they are.

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