"Fuck hitler's mom"
Yeah that sounds like the setup to a bootstrap paradox in which you were always hitler's dad.
this post was submitted on 17 Jul 2023
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Get a vasectomy, then start the relationship.
Ah, yes, the "release a bunch of infertile male mosquitoes so the females won't have any babies" approach to Hitler-offing.
If that’s the case, trying to kill Hitler would make Hitler what he always has been.
In an alternate timeline:
"Yea who's the fuck is Hitler? Himmler is the fuhrer of our fatherland, the Great German Reich, that spans the entire world!"
What if Hitler was the best case scenario result of time traveler interference? He bungled a lot of decisions someone like Himmler probably wouldn't have. What if WWII is ultimately unavoidable, and every other timeline was way worse?
Maybe Hitler is actually a time traveller that pretends to be a nazi because from his timeline, the german fascist took over the world was way worse so he had to join the nazis to defeat the nazis? Maybe the Holocaust was like 10 times worse in his timeline and he intentionally did stupid decisions to reduce the kill count.
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Germany was only 75 years old in 1941; for all we know it'd be some totally new country that ended up conquering everything. "Hail to Field Marshal Bing Bong Potatoman, ruler of our great glorious Zambonian Empire"
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Literally the start of Command and Conquer Red Alert lol
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Such is the nature of time travel that you go back in time to seduce and fuck Hitler's mom and guess what?
Your son is Adolf Hitler.
No one ever considers that this is the best timeline possible and we got Hitler because someone already time shivved the SUPER NAZIS and SUPER HITLER
Mecha-Hitler wasn’t just some artist’s drawing for Wolfenstein, it’s a remnant of another timeline where there’s fuckin robot Nazis all over
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So the Holocaust is OP's fault?
Hitler was always your son.
Reminds me of that twilight zone episode where she goes back in time and swaps baby Hitler for a kid she found on the street without the parents noticing. Turns out that baby on the street was the Hitler we knew and she caused the holocaust.
Heads up, Hitler's mom died of breast cancer when he was young. If you're going to seduce her, you should be emotionally prepared for the consequences.
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Eva: Adolf, why are you destroying everything? Adolf: My father is a time traveler from the future and he left me. So I make sure he will not exist. Eva: From the future? So he could also be our son? laughs Adolf: takes the gun
That actually went full circle, 12 Monkeys style.
If you think about it, there are on average 30 to 80 million sperm in a typical ejaculation. So I'd find Hitler's dad on the street, bump into him and jiggle his nuts a bit. Surely that'd be enough to change history.
Ye old scrotal quantum shake
Twist his dick!!!
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It's never "give Hitler a good life where he is never taught or led to be a prejudice psychopathic murderer."
I mean I get the whole post isn't super serious but for real, I doubt that getting rid of Hitler-Hitler would have stopped the rise of fascism and nazis. There would have just been another leader who might have caused even greater damage.
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Because it is a thought experiment about punishing people for pre-crime, not people actually planning what to do with a time machine.
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Adopt baby Hitler and raise him in a way that would not give rise to the kinds of feelings and ideologies that could lead him down the path of ethno-nationalsim.
That's when we figure out that this is the path that lead him to flip flop completely hating everything you taught. You went back to stop Hitler only to be the thing that caused his reign of terror. Life would have that kind of irony.
Oh shit my phone doesn’t work back here. I know I’ll send him to art school!
How would you know that this situation including time traveler dad's disappearance doesn't ultimately create him?
In general, all the "use time machine to kill Hitler" ideas (in the rare cases they are not presented as just a joke) assume that it was Hitler the person and not the socioeconomic and historical conditions that resulted in the catastrophe. There were enough little Hitlers to fill that role. If you want to prevent anything beyond small details, you have your hands full of work as a time traveler.
I think this comment really understates just how effective Hitler was as a politician and a leader. He tried to forcibly take over the government and it failed. That part any "little Hitler" could do and also likely fail. What set him apart was his charisma and appeal to the downtrodden, not unlike a certain US politician. He was so well loved and respected that he was able to do heinous acts with near universal support. I don't think there are many people in history that can do that sort of thing as effectively as he did
But just as that certain other US politician, he mostly came to power due to complacency and collaboration by more moderate nationalists and conservatives. And while the mythos of Hitler was immense, his draw not to be underestimated, without people like Goebbels, without the people hungering for just about any populist figure that enabled their own conspiracy theories, he would have been just another charismatic figure.
Let's put it this way: If you went back in time and somehow turned Hitler into a communist would that have led to the KPD being voted into power by the enabling act? I seriously doubt it, he was an exceptionally skilled speaker and decent political tactician, but he was no hand that pulled the strings of fate on his own.
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People always say this but it doesn't ring completely true in my opinion. Maybe the socioeconomic conditions are a huge thing but without Hitler maybe the Weimer barely chugs along as a conservative military ruled "democracy." Maybe it still falls to a massively oppressive regime but that's no guarantee that regime does something like the holocaust maybe they just oppress their own people and maybe take over Austria and then you know stop there. Without Hitler to rally around maybe the socioeconomic dissatisfaction leads to a renewed socialist movement instead. Individuals do matter in the end.
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🎶 Hitler's mom has got it going on 🎶
Plot point: hero person goes back in time to kill Hitler, but finds they have to fight off a bunch of other time travelers from different points in the future bc everyone wants the kill for themselves. Hitler still gets away.
Alternative plot point: The hero/es keep traveling back in time because everytime they kill a potential Nazi leader, someone worse ends up taking its place. We are left with the timeline where Hitler eventually takes that spot because it's considered the "best"/"least destructive" timeline.
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Just finished binging the 12 Monkeys TV show, thats just variations on an oops loop. If you seduce Hitlers mom you'll just end up being the father figure he never met. If you strand him in Nepal then either Hitler or any Austrian who witnesses you doing the timey-wimey dance will just blame an international cabal of time traveling Jews for it.
As a Nepali expat... Why Nepal? Did Indiana Jones not do enough demonization? #KeepHitlerProblemWhite
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And why just Hitler? If we could time travel I'd assume he'd have plenty going after him
Based on what's happening in the US it'd have been a good idea to sink the puritan ships
Hitler’s mother, for those considering it: https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/4/45/Klara_Polz_Hitler.jpg
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