this post was submitted on 18 Jun 2024
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[–] jol@discuss.tchncs.de 6 points 6 months ago (1 children)

I have hooked up with several of my friends, we cuddle often, and are not afraid so show affection, but we're all homos so I guess that's less odd. But I have met straight guys who are very confortable being platonically affectionate with us. I feel like society prevents me from being touchy out of fear of being called gay. It's not gay to lay your head on your bro's lap. Those thick tights are comfy af.

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[–] DV8@lemmy.world 6 points 6 months ago (5 children)

I do more than playfully wrestle with my friends. As I do BJJ. I actively try to choke them out or try to break their limbs or try to tear their ligaments apart. It's very fun for all. Though while it's open to anyone I do get most people wouldn't enjoy it. It's personally physical to the extreme since on top of the close physical contact you're also sweating all over each other to the point sweat dripping in your eyes or mouth will statistically happen at least once.

Honestly if you feel like you miss playful fighting with friends, do a trial class of it.

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[–] TheGiantKorean@lemmy.world 5 points 6 months ago (1 children)

In Dubai and India I saw male friends holding hands together while walking down the street, and I thought it was really nice.

I hug my male friends often.

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[–] MudMan@fedia.io 5 points 6 months ago

I don't do that with anybody, normally. People of all genders will sometimes give you a hug here if it's been a while or if they're happy to see you. Cheek kissing is mostly a women thing, though.

[–] vritrahan@lemmy.zip 5 points 6 months ago

Hugging as a hi and bye, yes. It is okay in my country.

Im one of those bookish introvert types and im old so I have learned to handle more interaction but no I don't want more being socially acceptable. Im still ackward when my sisters hug me. Heck even a bit with my wife but its a good ackward.

[–] Aussiemandeus@aussie.zone 5 points 6 months ago
[–] wallmenis@lemmy.one 5 points 6 months ago

I like hugs... I am ok and like a good hug from anyone. I am just scared to initiate. Hate snuggling or wrestling. Feels weird.

[–] noughtnaut@lemmy.world 5 points 6 months ago

The guys I go to tantra classes with are very affectionate, and it's so lovely.

[–] Bronzefish@lemmy.world 5 points 6 months ago

We very much are, hugs and kisses and all. But waaay more important (not everybody is into physical affection on a platonic level) we share our feelings and give each other compliments.

It is very sad to see how many men outside our bubble try to uphold this stupid idea of what it needs to be a man, while struggling with their mental health and the ability to have meaningful relationships.

[–] Hadriscus@lemm.ee 4 points 6 months ago

With some, yea. Most are uncomfortable but I have a handful of dear friends who are okay with it, even find safety in it I believe. That's certainly my takeaway

[–] southsamurai@sh.itjust.works 4 points 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago) (1 children)

Heck yeah. Mind you, I respect other people's contact preferences and don't push a hug on anyone. Made that mistake some in my younger days, but realized it was shitty behavior eventually.

But I hug the hell out of anyone I care about enough to call friend or family. I'm a hugger, that's just how I am.

I got lucky tbh. My dad wasn't particularly huggy, but he always welcomed us kids when we hugged him. And I had one uncle that was never a hugger, and would avoid them when he could. But otherwise, the men in my life growing up were comfortable with demonstrative affection. Hugs, putting an arm around you, pats on the back, gentle pats on the head, just those little touches that say "I love you" in a way that doesn't need words because they're done without thinking, they just reach out and that connection happens.

Oh! And kisses on the top of the head. Big thing on my mom's side for the men to kiss kids on the top of the head.

My dad was more of the sort to put an arm around you when you sat beside him, but he knew the power of a hug when someone is upset and never hesitated to do so, despite not really liking hugs much. And he was definitely a patter lol. Pats on the head, on the back, just affection by touch.

So, by the time I was a teenager, I was without much of a barrier to hugs. Never got indoctrinated with the stiffness and emotional distance that comes with that barrier. My friend group in high school, we hugged every damn day, usually multiple times a day. We'd meet in the library of a morning and as each of us rolles in, a round of hugs would happen. We'd freely express love for each other verbally too. And not even in the forced jocular "love ya bro" way that started being more acceptable back then. But full on "I love you, I'll see you tomorrow" type goodbyes.

Shit, some of us would hug our teachers, when they'd let us. Obviously, most of them would not allow it, but there were a couple that didn't mind. Gods! The principal! Old guy, retired at the end of my senior year. Handing out diplomas at graduation, and shaking hands. Every one of our group just took the diploma and hugged the guy. He was shocked by it, but he knew how we were, and ended up just smiling for the rest of the ceremony. After the first few of us did it, other students not in our group did it too. He was a superb principal, and was sorely missed.

Imo, there is nothing that builds and maintains healthy relationships like regular hugging.

This is already long, but you mentioned other forms of contact. Snuggling depends on the person, but I gladly snuggle with friends if they're down for it. Can't play wrestle what with my age and bad back, but used to.

And I'm down with cheek kisses with friends too. Hell, I don't even object to non sexual lip kisses in theory, though it isn't a thing that happens very often. Only times it ever happened with male friends was in moments of distraction when saying goodbyes in a group that included spouses lol.

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[–] Aceticon@lemmy.world 4 points 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago)

Generally no, probably because many males when they end up in physicality make it some kind of dominance thing (playfully violence that's just a little too much, "higher position" touches like hand on top of shoulder or physically leading other people and even the good old "measuring somebody one the firmeness of their handshake"). It's not casual and friendly when there's measuring and testing of others involved.

Outside close family, the only environment I've been in were things like hugs were normal was the Theatre world.

[–] Nemo@midwest.social 4 points 6 months ago

Sure, if we're close.

[–] match@pawb.social 4 points 6 months ago

buddy I'm a furry I'll hug strangers

[–] zxqwas@lemmy.world 4 points 6 months ago

No, I'm not.

As for social acceptance I like my personal space. Don't care what you do as long as I can opt out.

[–] DeltaTangoLima@reddrefuge.com 4 points 6 months ago

Bloody oath! My brothers and my closest mates all get hugs, and my near 18yo stepson and I still hug goodbye or goodnight too.

[–] card797@champserver.net 4 points 6 months ago

I hug some good friends after a long absence or family members the same. Never snuggling or wrestling, lol.

[–] fmstrat@lemmy.nowsci.com 3 points 6 months ago (1 children)

Depends on the friend group. My hiking friend group (about an even split of male/female) all hug. It started off as a joke, then stuck. Other groups, nope. Though, other groups have all fizzled out for me, mainly due to moving or my poor engagement as life moved on.

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[–] GissaMittJobb@lemmy.ml 3 points 6 months ago

A hug is a standard greeting between well-acquainted men in Sweden, so yeah. I hug my friends and family.

[–] smileyhead@discuss.tchncs.de 3 points 6 months ago

Yes. And yes.

[–] Vej@lemm.ee 3 points 6 months ago (2 children)

I have a few friends that are huggers. I will admit it was odd at first, but I don't mind them.

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[–] DantesFreezer@lemmy.world 3 points 6 months ago

Sorta. I'm a comfortable person expressing affection and my inner emotions with friends. I'm also often the one initiating the sharing asking how they are etc, and the physical touch. It's nearly always me initiating, so I'm kinda uncertain how it is in the other person's head. Obv not bad enough to recoil or ask me to stop, but maybe they're just a bit uncomfortable.

Yes. I want it more. I look at relationships among women where that level of physical affection is part of the connection and reinforces it and I want that. I only really have that with my wife and one close friend, who is a woman.

[–] Melatonin@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 points 6 months ago

Hugging is cool. I'm not wanting beyond that from my male friends.

I am a boomer.

No, I don't usually go physically affectionate with them, male, female, or whatever. I reserve that to close family; unless there is some special situation of course, like loss, or celebration, or something.

And honestly, I don't miss it at all. I get enough affection at home.

[–] HEXN3T@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 points 6 months ago

Yes. Absolutely. I'm the relatively rare hyper-social under-stimulated autistic type, in a friend group of people that aren't into close contact and frequent interaction. It's incredibly frustrating, but I'm distrusting of new people, and, ultimately, they've always been there for me. Despite my :3ness.

I had a smaller group that was into it for a little while, but that time has passed. Very, very passed. We don't talk about that.

[–] intensely_human@lemm.ee 3 points 6 months ago

A little bit more than I was before. These days I will put an arm around or touch a friend on the shoulder or back to show support. I do this with my father too.

My men’s group helped me learn to do this. It’s really nice.

There are men who haven’t touched another human being in years.

[–] Naich@lemmings.world 3 points 6 months ago

An occasional hug if we are drunk enough, and I don't want anything more than that.

[–] HobbitFoot@thelemmy.club 3 points 6 months ago

I will reciprocate hugs.

I don't like snuggling.

Playful wrestling gets really close to other acts to establish dominance that I don't want to do with my friends.

[–] UltraGiGaGigantic@lemm.ee 2 points 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago)

I'm glad yall have good people in your life. Every single person in my life is a liability.

Just another person to fuck you over. Just another obligation to be maintained. Just another human.

[–] Hugh_Jeggs@lemm.ee 2 points 6 months ago

Hugging βœ…

Snuggling - Not really a problem

Playful wrestling - Guaranteed the guy who instigated it is in the closet, same with most people who watch actual wrestling

[–] Th4tGuyII@fedia.io 2 points 6 months ago (1 children)

Hugging and play fighting, sure, but can't say I've snuggled with the lads (or girl friends either for that matter) - feels more intimate, like something you'd do with a loved one (or a pet).

Drunk me might lean a bit more towards leaning or pushing against the lads, but that's always playful and jokesy rather than sincere as your post implies

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