I'm a 30 year old man and I couldn't imagine chasing 18 year olds. I teach college students, I speak to 18 year olds regularly. They're not for me.
this post was submitted on 04 Feb 2024
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When I was a teen I wonder if I'm older if I would still be attracted to teens. I was training a coworker a few years ago, and she's fresh out of highschool. As soon as we diviated from work conversations I can feel any miniscule amount of attraction I had drain out from my body.
I experience this too, what happened in that conversation that drained you?
For me it's social media. I'm old enough that I don't do social media. But 95% of teenagers' lives revolve around it. I can't relate and have no desire to.
I’m old enough that I don’t do social media.
-@Cryophilia@lemmy.world on social media Lemmy
Edit: Or perhaps I am wrong
Social media is defined as a website or application that enables us to create and share content. A social network is alternatively a website or application that enables us to communicate with one another by posting information, comments, and messages.
So I guess Lemmy would be considered social network instead. I didn't even know there was a difference.
Edit 2: OK, it seems most people consider Reddit a social media, but others debate it. And Lemmy is fairly similar.
I guess I made a comment only to bamboozle myself.
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There is a big difference between sex and a relationship.
If I werent married I'd absolutely screw a woman half my age, but dating one... I see complications.
But that's... not the issue here? Men are much more attractive when they are 20 compared to 40 as well.
That doesn't make me creep around university trying to get into their pants. It also doesn't inspire me to write sexist stuff online, etc.
Im saying that its biologically healthy to look at a young attractive person (of your preferred gender) and go "Yep, I would really like to do things with that person" It is however societaly problematic to be a perv in trying to make it happen and does raise some awkward questions about what a guy is really looking for if he wants to be with someone half his age.
As for the sexist stuff online. You ever seen some womens wishlists on dating sites? Now I aint saying shes a gold digger... but you know the rest of it.
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It's definitely more of a combination of disgust and secondhand embarrassment. When I was 18, my mid-30s manager was clearly into me and I definitely thought he was creepy and old and everyone made fun of him behind his back. Now that I'm on the other side, it doesn't look any less pathetic. 18 year olds look like children because I'm old enough to be their parent, and the only thing I've ever felt for one is vaguely maternal affection. The idea of dating them is super gross.
OK I'll be the one to go against the grain in these comments. I am a nearly 40 year old man and I would bang a hot college girl in an instant. I can't help that.
Theres also a YAWNING FUCKING CHASM between "Yes, If I were single I would really like to have a woman almost half my age find me sexually attractive enough to fuck me" and going out of your way to try and make it happen.
Also, like none of those 35yo women ever went and flicked the bean after watching the 20yo who mows their lawn go shirtless in summer.
Oh for sure. I wouldn't want to be a creepy guy to a young person. But the other comments were all like "I'm not even attracted to young beautiful women"
I'm not even attracted to young beautiful women
Depends entirely on how old the person saying it is which is will vary wildly from commenter to commenter.
No because 18-year-olds are kids. I'm not even close to 40 and I think 18-year-olds are kids (especially from an emotional maturity perspective). 20s would be like the absolute youngest.
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I'm a guy and when I was 18 I got a lot of interest from women in their 40s. Sexual attraction is just natural.
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There's a lot you can help here, though.
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Don't be a creep.
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Don't lie to your partner about this.
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Don't spin some weird sexist or misogynistic bs theories out of your attraction.
That's it. Doesn't seem too hard but you'd be surprised how many are struggling with these simple rules of decency and respect.
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I'm 46 and married, but if I was single, I absolutely wouldn't want someone almost 30 years younger than me. We'd have so little in common! I suppose if you just look at women as objects to stick your dick into...
I’m dating someone 8 years younger than me and the only way I think it works is that she likes me enough to learn all the references I make she doesn’t understand.
My wife is only 2ish years younger than me, and she already doesn't get some references purely through upbringing. Only a couple things have been "before her time"
However, her best friend recently turned 24, married to someone who just hit 21. It feels like talking to children.
And since between the 2 of us we have 12 nieces and nephews under 15 and I speak to them whenever we're visiting I feel like I can say with a little certainty, it reeeeally feels like talking to children sometimes.
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Normal dudes think those guys are creeps too. I'm in my 40s, and have several guy friends my age who date, and it's always with women their age.
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There’s enough illegal shit for me to be disgusted with, I don’t have time to be bothered by any relationship between two consenting adults regardless of how little sense that relationship might make to me.
Not to mention, as a 30+ year old, looking at 18 year olds feels…gross. They look like children.
After 40, the “child age” jumped to like 25 for me. As in those under 25 look like children.
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The flip side of that is so wild. Remember being like 12 and an 18 year old seemed so grown up? Now I see an 18 year old and...yeah that's a child, bro
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I'm an older dude, I can't hardly stand being near a fucking teenager, much less want to have sex with one, they're annoying as hell. What the fuck is wrong with some people.
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A friend of mine with daughters told me that he couldn't see the appeal in teen girls, because "I have two; they don't even know how to wipe properly."
Reminded of:
Note, the last woman (Eden):
reportedly shouldn’t be on the graph. Ol’ Leo’s single apparently.
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Ironic. I'm in to 30-something women and even 40-something women, but the catch is they have to not be mentally ill
That goes for any relationship. Men and women. It is harder the older as so many more are paired, and the single ones have a higher likelihood of having… reasons.
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When I was in my late 20s, I went to a local con with an 18-19 year old coworker and her friend about the same age. Nothing funky, just hey if you're going we're going come roll with us.
Love them to death but jeez Louise I could never date one of them. They weren't even particularly immature or anything but theres nothing to relate on or talk about etc etc.
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I have always found this argument to be hilarious in a deeply sexist way.
Why? Because it takes two to tango.
If young women really did find older men repulsive and creepy, why do so many of them date older men? Why do a fair number of them marry older men, especially in this era of unprecedented economic opportunities for women?
The fact is, such attitudes against a very historically normal pairing is shaming two people who are functional adults for their very adult choices and decisions.
Or do you somehow disagree that an 18-yo woman isn’t a “functional adult”? Because I see that attitude of infantilizing and bubble-wrapping women against the consequences of their own choices and decisions as deeply sexist, and a prime example of misogyny.
Meanwhile, men of that exact same age can be forcibly conscripted to fight and die in some foreign oil-war that they never had an opportunity to vote against. How are we adult enough at that age to die without any choice in the matter, but women aren’t adult enough to choose whom to be with?
Gotta love that gender bigotry.
People are probably not functional adults until 23-25. But it's harder to mold a 25yo to die in a war for you than a 18yo.
I do agree with your general point - it takes two to tango. And a lot of the older women complaining have themselves dated across the chasm when they were younger.
It always felt odd to me and still does though - I feel that the larger the gap the more it reveals deeper issues for both sides.
What I also find deeply hypocritical is how many of these women treat a gender chasm in the first place:
- Young woman with older man? That pervert! He’s a pedophile!!
- Older woman with a young guy? You go, girl! Ride him like a cowgirl!
And yes, that age gap can be identical in both examples.
And yet plenty of women also shame older women that are preying on much younger men too. That's not making a point it's trying to make an excuse.
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It's been scientifically proven that 18 year olds' brains aren't fully developed. Biologically, no you are not an adult at 18. Arguing that it's all good because both parties are ostensibly consenting adults is besides the point. The older party, no matter what gender, shouldn't be chasing people well outside their peer group. There's obviously a layer of manipulation when 2 people of wildly different ages get together.
18 year olds aren't really adults.
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I keep getting older, but they all stay the same age.
Jesus Christ, this. And the men rarely even realize/acknowledge how predatory they're being.
I'd be flattered if an 18yo girl found me attractive, but holy hell I wouldn't have wanted to date somebody with the social-intellectual maturity of most 18 yo's even when I was a lot closer to that age myself.
The ones that do want that, I'd say they're either stuck in the mentality of that age being their own glory-days or wanting somebody they can easily dominate/control, quite likely both.
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Yeah, I don't get it. I'm 38m and don't find college-age girls attractive anymore. Even in terms of physical attraction, I'm more attracted to women my age. 18 just looks like a kid to me.
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Attractive, Intelligent, Sane
At 18 you can pick 3 but always focus on one. You're looking for "true love", but your crotch isn't.
At 25 you can pick 2, but you still don't know which one is most important. You're looking for "Mr/Miss/Ms Right", but are starting to feel like you're Mr/Miss/Ms Leftover" because a lot of people pair up before you.
At 30+ you can pick one, but you're mostly looking for someone who matches you "child-free" status. You've realised a relationship is something you make, not something you find. This is the age to be wary of "gold diggers" looking for a bankroll.
When you're 35+ it turns from a structured partner hunt into "fuck it, we ride". At this point, you just want to enjoy life, because there isn't much free time!
Just gonna drop this…
https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0005789405800395
(It's also on https://sci-hub.se if anyone needs it entirely)
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