saltnotsugar

My wife will just slowly scoot over to me while she’s in blanket cocoon mode and then lean on me.

You guys said no mustaches! Oh come on!

Hungry with itchy eyes? Deep fried chicken with the sensational flavor of Allegra is here for you.

My cat does this too. I like to walk around and loudly wonder where she has gone off to. Then she’ll happily wiggle her tail moving the curtains back and forth.

The Denny’s waitress rolled her eyes when I asked which wine pairs best with the chicken strips.

Anal is now first base.

You know who we should use as a Jesus model? Jeff in accounting.

I think the problem is we don’t have huge ol crickets that are lobster sized. Otherwise you’d have Red Locust and all you can eat grasshopper legs.

Is this the dog that looks through windows desperately at their ex?

Did you know you can just buy these in the store? Like you don’t need a realtor or anything!

AI, you’ve always been the caretaker of the Overlook hotel.

One will gently clean, and the other will turbo scrub.