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From my (fortunately) brief experience in software consulting, I can confirm that is an important unwritten rule of the job. It doesn't matter what exactly you sell to customers, as long as they are willing to buy it and come back. It explains why a lot of software is dogshit.
"I can't produce anything, so I'll take money away from other people doing business" ~consultants
All consulting is like this. It’s a way to offload blame for your decisions by not making any in-house.
Our company paid a consulting firm 100k to deliver the same message our internal had been saying for 5 years.
Oh yes. The board member used to work for that consultancy.
Sounds like they still get paid then!
And if you are wondering why the German military is being made fun of so much: it's McKinsey again. But no worries, we took care if it. The minister of defense in charge back then is long gone. Cause she is the president of the European Commission now. Multiple of her children have worked for McKinsey in the past. What a coincidence!
The real skill isn't the advice - it's convincing executives that contradicting your previous $100M recommendation somehow validates hiring you again.
🐱🐱🐱🐱🐱
Consulting services rarely are there to help figure out what to do, they're there to help convince other people that what you want to do is the right move.
Man I wish I knew how to grift rich people like this
This company also advised multiple large opiate manufacturers.
Well, consulting is often used because they need an answer to a question. That may be open-ended like:
"What moves should we make to expand our business?"
But other times they just want confirmation:
"Should we merge with Discovery?" (Sure, I guess. Here are some reasons you could. cha-ching)
"Should we split with Discovery?" (Sure, I guess. Here are some reasons you could. cha-ching)
Other times they just need to pay people to give them excuses to lay off people. McKinsey's always available for that.
When Chipotle got a new CEO (Brian Niccol, who has since become the Starbucks CEO) a few years back, they were headquartered in Denver. But the CEO lived in Newport Beach. So they brought in a consulting management firm to examine where the best place in the country was for them to have their corporate headquarters.
After weeks of analysis - surprise, surprise - they determined that the best place they could possibly have a corporate headquarters was in Newport Beach, where the CEO lived.
So they fired most of their corporate workers and moved the office to be closer to the CEOs house.
“Sorry we don’t do remote work and you’ll have to come into the office.”
“Counterpoint: …”
Other times they just need to pay people to give them excuses to lay off people. McKinsey’s always available for that.
What would you say... you do here?
Consulting services are vital because they improving corporate synergy by utilizing market solutions and relocating potential where it is needed most.
Don’t forget that they also leverage institutional assets to extract value using best practices!
TLC used to be The Learning Channel. Before it was “here’s a bunch of children who are being sexually abused behind the camera,” it was educational outreach. Vocational training. Satellite college courses for people in Alaska and Appalachia.
Then Discovery bought it. Fuck Discovery.
Yep. I thought for ages that it was a spinoff of discovery but no, it was a whole thing that went back to the 80s. After Discovery acquired it blam.
"What's your advice?"
"My advice is to not take my advice. That'll be 63 million dollars, please."
More like "tell me what you already decided to do, and pay me out the ass to create a justification for it so you can pin it on us if it's a giant fuckup after the fact'.
In, fire 30 percent of the workforce, new logo, boom, out.
You are now a fully trained management consultant.
Lean leader certified
I had a friend who did consulting right out of college. Half the time he said it was his job to suggest layoffs so the people in charge could pretend it wasn't their idea.
Is that normal shitposting you're doing?
They've developed a perpetual consulting loop. Genius.