Ask Lemmy

So no one knows I'm here? I'd head upstairs to a bedroom and sleep for 24 hours without the kids bothering me.

My first thought is that someone else brought the two of us here to kill us. They already got this stranger, and they're coming back to kill me too.

So, I'd quietly gather some survival supplies and sneak out of the house. Once I can hide far enough away from the house, I'd find a phone and call the police.

It doesn't even cross my mind that I could be the killer until someone accuses me of it. I've never met that person, so why would I even lay a finger on them? I'd just tell people what I know as accurately as I can. No, I don't know how I got there, honest!

I would check in any case whether the person is really dead.
I would look around for other people.
Next I would try to find out where I am.
Then probably call the police with the person's phone.

No, I would never assume that I have done a murder.

And yes, our police works differently than the one in Hollywood movies.

"why does this keep happening to me ?"

That sounds like the beginnings of a modern adaptation of the game Zork

Throwaway account: "...asking for a friend."

I am playing GTA V and have just swapped players to Trevor and I will continue playing as such

Immediately close all the windows, lock the doors, and check the body for maggots. Checking the body for maggots will clearly indicate about how long they have been deceased. With the windows and doors blocking out view from the outside, you can then use this information to make the critical decision of whether to have intercourse with the corpse or not.

It is difficult to write exactly what a person would do in such a case, most people can write one thing, but if this really happened to them, it is highly likely that they would act differently. I don't see the point of trying to run away or hide the crime, neither morally nor logically, the only good idea is to call the police, in any case, even if you try to hide the murder, murder is a murder, you know, a crime, and secondly, it may come up in the future and you will have bigger problems.

I was with you with this thought experiment until the teleportation part and knowing that you weren't drugged. In this situation, you couldn't possibly know that at the time and that really changes things from a bizarre but realistic scenario to one involving aliens or some such.

I'm not going to prison, and the police are unlikely to believe me. So I would dispose of the body best I could, scrub my shit down, and start going south until I hit Mexico.

I'd probably remove the knife and plunge it into my own chest. This all feels like way too much work to deal with.

I’d think I’d better start setting up my S.P.E.C.I.A.L. stats and collecting bottle caps.

Delete their browser history

Find a way to call the authorities. I don't trust my brain at the best of times, and for all I know, I'm the murderer despite no recollection. Because of no recollection. That'd be a sign of some kind of mental problem, right? And if I'm otherwise fine and not responsible, there's still a whacking great gap in my memory (for how I came to be there) and there's a murderer on the loose.

I'd also try not to contaminate the scene any more than I had to.

Knowing my luck, the police would pin it on me anyway, but since, as I said, I don't trust my brain, as far as I know, they might well be right and it might be the best thing for everyone if I am put away somewhere.

Oh...definitely pull the knife out. Then throw up on the body. Then leave, while placing very clear handprints on the walls.

"Again? Ok, no more ambian and rum, this time I am serious."

First see if the blood pattern tells me anything of value. Next steps are to find peroxide to clean my clothes of blood and if I am out of luck, improvise. Then I'd see if I can figure anything out about what happened. Wipe off the knife handle, scrub under my nails with bleach, cut the phone lines to the house, break the back door or a window, find anything of value to steal and bury nearby for later retrieval, then do some shots of alcohol, get in the backseat of the car and touch a bunch of stuff in the car, puke, and start walking along the road until I can flag someone down and ask to use their phone to call the cops.

After that is just a matter of knowing nothing besides going to bed after 2 Ambien and a hearty amount of 94 proof rum and waking up in the unfamiliar car and stumbling into the house and finding the stranger dead, didn't have my phone, didn't look for their phone because I wanted to GTFO in case the murderer was still there, went to get help and here we are.

Best case no big problem, worst case I get a few charges that won't stick unless the victim's phone can prove I did it. If it can prove I did it, rip bozo.

Do I remember my whereabouts for say yesterday or my regular life, or am I just brainwashed and woken up next to a corpse? Two very different scenarios

Contact my fiancée, then the cops, then find myself a lawyer and spend the rest of my time absolutely shitting my pants

Fiancée first, because she's my highest priority in all things and the dead guy ain't getting deader. Then the cops, because to contact a lawyer first looks incredibly suspicious and I live in a civilised country where there is almost no police corruption and I wouldn't have cops trying to pin it on me out of convenience. The other reason I'd contact my fiancée first is that she's the smartest person I have ever known, and she would be straight onto organising shit to help

For a probably more sane view, my wife said she would probably call the authorities.

I would use the victim’s laptop to figure out where I was, and their phone to call my wife to have her begin driving in my direction with the intention of meeting her on the way. Then using bleach based cleaning supplies or worst case a wet rag, wipe down any surfaces I might have touched, including the knife. Then use the victim’s car to the nearest interstate observing all traffic laws to meet my wife along the agreed upon route. I remove any cash in the house and gas cans if available.

A few days ago I watched an episode of Death in Paradise with close to this kind of setup. The guy in question assumed he's the murderer because he held the weapon in his hand once he woke up with a concussion. Though he had absolutely no reason to kill the victim, but because of how he woke up he simply assumed he did. He turned himself in.

As for me in your scenario, I think I'd try to figure out first who the victim was. Shouldn't be too difficult if the phone and laptop are unlocked and there's unlimited internet access. Fleeing is probably kind of hard because my DNA might be all over the place. I mean, I already don't know how I got there, so who knows what's happened while I was teleported-sleeping? Where the fuck would I be and flee to anyway? Might as well investigate as much as possible and hope this victim has no nosy neighbours. Contacting my close friends via internet and try to make it clear to them (with pictures!) what's going on.

This all probably after having screamed my lungs out first.

I take a nap.

I'm not investigating those bullet points. First thing I'm doing is trying to get help for myself, and getting "help"/police for the dead person. And also a lawyer for myself.

Getting help for myself includes contacting people at home, confirming the timeline and alibi.