JavaScript is a foam bat. Easy enough to wield and it'll get the job done, but very inefficiently and it'll be an ugly sight..

still waiting for some of these memes to include haskell...

Definitely ancient since C# has been cross-platform for 4 years with Dotnet Core. If you include Mono, make that 19 years.

Hey now! PHP may be old and a bit clunky, but it gets shit done. I'd say PHP is the Colt repeating rifle, since PHP won the internet and the Colt won the West. Much like the Colt, there are better tools available today, but if you want stuff done reliably and quickly, PHP and the Colt are good choices.

I wonder what Erlang/Elixir would be, some kind of nano-bot hive mind?

Finally, a computer analogy that's not about cars

can confirm. am crazy and dangerous. 🤣

Rust is correct. Mostly ignore as useless, but is the safest and reliable weapon, on a good hands can hit someone hard and kill it.

That hose got me a company and many good jobs, still loving the hose to build.grrwt projects. I love my PHP

Since my father makes anywhere from $400-$1200 an hour coding in COBOL, what's COBOL?

c# is absolutely a laser rifle strapped donkey nothing has ever spoken to me so much b4

Nice seeing Mathematica and Lisp mentioned. I feel like Marvin the Martian after reading.

haha php bad, kill yourself 👌 lolol 💯👌👌😂😂😂

If you're going to make these "If programming languages were X" jokes, at least be a little bit creative with them.

I learned perl to make IRC bots and to customize bulletin boards in the late 90s, early aughts.

I owe a lot to that language as it impressed a woman with my skills in it. I got my first marriage and eldest son out of it.

Way too kind to Java. Otherwise, pretty accurate.

(I just hate Java. Lol. Despite writing it 40 hours a week.)

ADA is an F-22 Raptor. Effective and functional, but you can't have one.