Let's start with Vodka. What a fucking waste. Vodka, at it's best, is supposed to be flavourless. So you're already off to a terrible start. If you're asking for a Vodka Martini you're asking for Strong Vermouth.

So let's get that out of the way. You need the standard gin. Gin is delicious. There are many different Gins to choose from. Gin has actual flavor. I like Hendricks, but try and figure out which Gun you like best. Beefeater is great for a gin & tonic, might not work as well in a Martini. Try a few different options.

Now we've got Gin and vermouth. Those two work together beautifully.

Now I like a good olive. I say make that fucker dirty. Extra dirty. OLIVE ME THE FUCK UP! That's what I want. You want it straight up? Fine. I think it's packing but it's the traditional way and I won't complain. You want a cocktail onion? That's called a Gibson and I ain't complaining.

But GIN THAT FUCKER UP. Fuck off with your weak ass Vodka Martini. I don't care if it's Grey Goose or some other "fancy" shit. That ain't no Martini.

James Bond was an alcoholic, with good reason. He didn't drink vodka martinis for the taste, he drank them to dull the pain and horrors of his job. As much as he drank, he probably didn't really taste the booze anymore.

The original James Bond from the novels was a dark and brooding high-functioning alcoholic, who operated at his best with a drink or two in him at all times. He was pretty useless without the drink. A vodka martini would quickly get him in the right headspace to accomplish his latest mission.

The movie Bond was reinvented to be this dashing, handsome womanizer who drank and smoked socially and was charming as hell. Basically, a 1950s ideal male fantasy. This Bond probably could've used a classier drink than straight vodka, but that's one aspect of the books they kept pretty loyal.

That's because they're watered down weak martinis. The whole reason you don't shake a martini and you should stir it is because when you shake it it chips the ice and makes it melt faster. By shaking it he's making it weaker.

(Though he’s probably responsible for an equal amount of wasted bourbon and whiskey)

I read that while the martini was his signature drink, he actually is depicted drinking champagne more frequently in the films. So just drink champagne!