this post was submitted on 09 Mar 2025
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Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

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[–] RememberTheApollo_@lemmy.world 7 points 2 hours ago

I dunno how exhausted or drunk you’d have to be to pass out with one of those things inserted. Seems like it’d feel like a turd half out and your body would prefer you deal with that and not fall asleep.

[–] echodot@feddit.uk 44 points 12 hours ago

It's another carbon monoxide poisoning poisoning

[–] finitebanjo@lemmy.world 30 points 12 hours ago

Anon will need a plumber because he got up in a daze to use the bathroom.

[–] Ilovethebomb@lemm.ee 9 points 11 hours ago

It's under the bed.

[–] daggermoon@lemmy.world 38 points 15 hours ago (7 children)

Do people actually do this?

[–] Imgonnatrythis@sh.itjust.works 49 points 13 hours ago (1 children)

People aren't buying all those butt plugs for decoration. People fall asleep. I don't imagine many people sleep with them on purpose, but certaintly possible to pass out with a butt plug in place.

[–] daggermoon@lemmy.world 7 points 7 hours ago (1 children)

Sorry, I thought the implication was that someone intentionally slept with one in. I don't know how you'd sleep like that.

[–] shneancy@lemmy.world 12 points 5 hours ago

falling asleep is the easy part, the hard part is waking up with a sore asshole knowing you need to make it worse to make it better

[–] MrJameGumb@lemmy.world 41 points 15 hours ago (4 children)

Maybe? This came from 4Chan so it's very possible it could be entirely made up lol

[–] Raiderkev@lemmy.world 8 points 9 hours ago (1 children)
[–] Feathercrown@lemmy.world 10 points 8 hours ago (1 children)

Attracted to the same gender

[–] Majorllama@lemmy.world 17 points 12 hours ago (1 children)

"The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood. Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact."

Literally on 4chan as a header.

[–] licheas@sh.itjust.works 2 points 6 hours ago

also, a statement by Fox News lawyers. (though maybe they used the word "entertainment" instead.)

[–] Early_To_Risa@sh.itjust.works 12 points 12 hours ago

4chan makes me believe it more in this case

[–] padge@lemmy.zip 11 points 13 hours ago

Anything on 4chan I assume isn't real, but pretend it is. More fun that way.

[–] trashgirlfriend@lemmy.world 17 points 15 hours ago (3 children)
[–] samteria@lemm.ee 3 points 5 hours ago (1 children)
[–] trashgirlfriend@lemmy.world 3 points 5 hours ago

Women amirite

[–] daggermoon@lemmy.world 2 points 7 hours ago (1 children)

May I ask why? No disrespect intended, just trying to understand.

[–] trashgirlfriend@lemmy.world 7 points 6 hours ago (1 children)
[–] daggermoon@lemmy.world 1 points 5 hours ago (1 children)

That's the thing. I'd be horny all night and wouldn't be able to sleep.

[–] trashgirlfriend@lemmy.world 4 points 5 hours ago

Hard not to fall asleep at 4am after that 10 hour goon sesh.

Mostly joking.

[–] Slovene@feddit.nl 4 points 11 hours ago (1 children)
[–] trashgirlfriend@lemmy.world 8 points 9 hours ago

It's not out of the realm of possibility

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[–] PhilipTheBucket@ponder.cat 160 points 19 hours ago (2 children)

I like how he clarifies that he lives alone.

"Sure, one of my roommates could have come in and poked around in my butthole while I was sleeping. But no one was in a position to do such a thing."

[–] unconsciousvoidling@sh.itjust.works 18 points 14 hours ago (1 children)

Hey I had a roommate that would steal my inserted butt plugs while I was sleeping.

[–] Imgonnatrythis@sh.itjust.works 7 points 13 hours ago (1 children)
[–] prenatal_confusion@feddit.org 31 points 13 hours ago

Subscribe to my only fans to find out more.

[–] Cordyceps@sopuli.xyz 50 points 19 hours ago (1 children)

Occam's razor and all that

[–] Cordyceps_cereal@lemmynsfw.com 20 points 16 hours ago

Occam's buttplug

[–] Evil_Shrubbery@lemm.ee 71 points 17 hours ago (1 children)

Buttplug fairy takes the buttplug and leaves you with a shart.

Know your local mythology.

[–] S_H_K@lemmy.dbzer0.com 12 points 13 hours ago* (last edited 13 hours ago)

Shart Fariy 🧚💩

[–] EndofLife@feddit.org 213 points 20 hours ago (1 children)

It's a riddle. It was made of ice.

[–] ghostrider2112@lemmy.world 58 points 19 hours ago (1 children)
[–] sp3tr4l@lemmy.zip 41 points 18 hours ago (1 children)

... some stay dry, others feel the pain.

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[–] RVGamer06@sh.itjust.works 173 points 20 hours ago (1 children)

Anon needs to go to a hospital soon

[–] Acinonyx@lemmy.sdf.org 133 points 20 hours ago (1 children)

but sadly, Anon is American

[–] DannyBoy@sh.itjust.works 96 points 18 hours ago (1 children)

The worst condition of them all.

[–] miss_demeanour@lemmy.dbzer0.com 26 points 17 hours ago (1 children)
[–] 404@lemmy.zip 26 points 15 hours ago (1 children)
[–] festnt@sh.itjust.works 10 points 13 hours ago

for OOP, yes

[–] 000999@lemmy.dbzer0.com 105 points 20 hours ago (1 children)
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[–] sp3tr4l@lemmy.zip 67 points 19 hours ago* (last edited 19 hours ago) (1 children)

Did it have a flared end?

If yes:

It's in the toilet, he sleep walked and took a shit and doesn't remember.

or

He pooped it out while sleeping and his dog ate it.

If no:

Butt plug goblins.

They can be warded away with a metamucil potion.

[–] MTK@lemmy.world 3 points 8 hours ago

Way worse than your dog eating your homework

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