No Stupid Questions

Tons of people here are going to say yes and that your dad is a pos. This is a question with life long implications, that you're asking strangers. Do you want validation for cutting your dad out of your life? Cause that's all youll get here. Only you know the answer to this question

No. It's the right thing to do

Something I'm seeing a lot is the statement "I'm not distancing myself because of political differences, I'm distancing myself because of moral differences"

Anyone who is happy at the expense of others losing rights, is not different from you politically, they're different from humanity, as far as basic ethics.

You're not selfish. You're strong. Stronger than me and I'm proud of you for trying to fight to help your dad, but please don't do it at your own expensive. I'm pan and non-monagamous but buried further in the closet than a cable that "definitely will be useful in the future" because my family would turn on me in a heartbeat.

If you're capable of sustaining yourself then it would be wrong to maintain contact with that person.

We've experienced the Trump admin before, we've seen the news about what he is doing, anybody who still supports that asshole is beyond lost: they're the enemy.

I should not be involved with people who turn a blind eye to fascism.

Full stop.

I'm sorry to say that you already know what you have to do. There's no easy way to do it other than to just do it. If it makes the process easier, you don't have to pose it as "it's me or them" because you already know what his answer will be. If he was going to change, he's had plenty of opportunities already.

Don't wait for him anymore. Live YOUR life.

“Dad, I can’t do this anymore. You do you and I’ll do me and let’s touch base again in 4 years.”

My parents are nowhere near as deep in the rabbit hole, but I’m essentially dark on communications with them at this point. Once they have convinced me that they are fighting against the current state of things, I’ll re-engage. Currently they are unaware of this fact, but it won’t be too much longer until they realize that I have no time or desire to interact with them anymore. They will have to choose and I’m at peace with either outcome at this point.

It sounds like your life will be immeasurably improved by cutting him off. But it's such an intense, personal decision that I'm not sure any internet stranger could honestly say one way or the other.

Its necessary. Do it.

I believe that if someone is supporting policies that are directly impacting your quality of life/well being you're well within your rights of cutting that person out and telling them to fuck off.

This goes beyond "politics". What kind of garbage person puts the well being of 2 handfuls of rich failsons ahead of their own children? Well, my parents for one, and your dad for another it seems.

Before cutting them out, I recommend putting it in terms similar to this. Emphasize how they have failed at the basic premise of being a parent by putting their own children's wellbeing behind that of about a handful of the wealthiest families on the planet with more resources than god. Literally subsidizing these strangers failsons at the expense of their own children.

Nope, I almost did it, but he stopped pressing my buttons. He thought "grab em by the pussy" was funny, kept talking about trump. Told him the exact same thing I told the ex friend I did cut from my life: I don't associate with Trump supporters, either cut that shit out or lose my number.

They have a right to believe what they want, I have a right to distance myself and not speak to them. Their morals are fucked, I will have no part of it.

Nope. Do it. I did. It's rough at first, but it gets better over time.

You won't miss him. You'll miss the idea of who he was, but then you'll realize he was never the person you grew up believing in/admiring.

Sometimes you grow up and your dad stays your hero. Other times, you learn he's a narcissist misogynistic selfish small minded person.

Cut people like this out of your life.

Obviously, your mental health and well-being and that of your partner are the first consideration. Please do whatever the two of you need to survive the times.

That said, when I read, "it's either me or these beliefs/trump," I wondered how you would have reacted if your dad had said you have to choose between him and being gay/your partner. I assume you might have shut the door in his face, felt good about it, and never looked back.

I doubt he'll feel any different about it.

No. I ended my relationship with my mother for voting for him a second time. She saw the harm he caused. She knew the harm he would cause to people I love. She is willfully blind to his faults. I can't tolerate that anymore. Neither should you. Cut the cancer out and don't look back.

Lol, these comments saying it's selfish.

Selfish would be pushing that trump hate in your sons face.

Just like cheerleading the federal job massacre when both of your kids are feds should get you ghosted.

I would only spend any amount of time around him that you feel you want to, as someone who feels that way, you owe them none of your energy.

You don't get to always be in someones life. That's not a constant. If you act like an asshole, that person may simply decide for their mental health to get rid of you completely. And that's on you.

When people make mistakes, they apologize. But when someone is just telling you who they are, listen.

While you could try to deradicalize him, you absolutely don't owe anything to someone who not only has failed his duty as a parent to support you, but also actively opposes your rights.

(also, reminder that there is no such thing as a 'Roman' salute)

Your mental health must come first. You can't fix others if you're broken.

No, it's not selfish, although I'm sure that's what he would want you to think. You should do what is best for you.

Speaking as someone who did similar:

You will never be able to make him understand why you're cutting off contact. You may not see that now. Spork knows, I didn't for a few years. But it's true, if you try to explain he will simply try to debate or he'll push you off as immature.

To save your own sanity, all you can do is cut ties completely.

Other people here may offer differing advice. Some of them haven't been through this situation, so they can't know the torment you're going through.

I can only speak from my experience.

Cutting them off was the best thing I did for my mental health. Cutting them off was not easy. I still think of them sometimes, of what might have been. But I'm comfortable with my decision, I'm confident I made the right one. Through plenty of evidence-based psychology, I now understand the reasons.

Getting back to your first question: sometimes, it's good to be selfish for the right reasons. Maintaining your own health and well-being? That's the right reason.

Your father's desire to hurt people is far more selfish than making him discuss something. But if you make him discuss it, he will only act threatened and refuse to see your point of view.

You will only begin to heal once you cut him out of your life. I don't say that lightly.

Again, if someone hasn't lived through a situation like this (and hasn't had to make the same hard decisions), they can't understand. So don't be afraid of the naysayers.

is it wrong to cut yourself away from nazis?

When I found out my mom voted for Trump the first time, I didn't speak to her for a year. I only did then because she reached out to say she was wrong (a first for her).

When I explained (more like yelled) why I wasn't going to have anything to do with her, I told her in detail how she was betraying everything she raised me to be. She used to sponsor the LGBT club at the school where she worked and I told her she was betraying all those kids she said she cared about.

It isn't a choice between you and Trump. It is a choice between your dad being the type of man he raised you to be, or not.

a nazi supporter is also a nazi. your dad is a nazi, therefore please for the love of anything good get yourself out of that situation. you can’t negotiate with crazy and evil people.

There is never any change without pain. You are in the right.

You want him to realize he's in the wrong? It takes pain, like the pain of "Why don't my kids visit anymore?"

If this is cruel, remember they've been doing this to you first.

My best friend at work is a dyed-in-the-wool conservative. He will never not be - and I rush to profess that he is not an asshole...he just thinks conservitave/republican is the side he needs to support probably because that's what daddy did, dunno. We see eye-eye on most other things.

We do not agree on anything political except that everyone is way too heated up over everything. We are still friends, regardless.

My point in responding is that his gay daughter disconnected from him after Trump v.1 - would not take a call or interact in any way. This is painful for my friend and he has been confused by it but does not realize why his daughter won't engage. I think she is offended that his political choice doesn't allow for her right to exist and, frankly I agree with her.

I think my friend has lost his daughter forever because he is a stubborn man. I hope your dad can open his heart to accept you.

Do whatever you can live with. That said, you have other options besides all or nothing. You can tell him that it's taxing to be around him and ask for specific behavioral changes you'd like to see to make things more tolerable. Whether or not he agrees to them is up to him, but you're at least trying for a workable relationship.

I emphasize behavioral change because he can't just flip a switch on his beliefs. No one can. Our beliefs are a conclusion based a number of factors including our experiences, the information we are exposed to, our emotions, etc. He couldn't switch his off and on any more than you could.

If you really want to affect his beliefs he will have to feel like you hear and understand them first. Be curious without expressing judgement. If he feels heard he might be more open to reciprocating that feeling and hear you out.

But you're not obligated to do that. If you can't take it then be honest with yourself and take care of you. Just don't get stuck in black and white thinking

Do what you want, God is fake.

no. the entire personality of a trump supporter is donald trump. cutting yourself off from them at this point is not about politics as far as I'm concerned. it's about morals. these people have shown, as many as two times, that they are cool and support every thing he does and says. that's a moral issue. and cutting out the people who have the same morality as trump is not a you problem.

I wouldn't know what's "wrong" or "right" in these kind of matters.

You should do whatever is better for your mental health.

Are you better without having contact with your father or having contact with him?

It's the only question here.

You should be aware that you would not change his mind with this or make him question his beliefs. If something his beliefs would probably grow stronger after something like that.

You also should be aware that that action would have zero impact on the far right campaign.

So if you do this is for your own mental benefit, nothing else. Don't let any kind of pressure on any direction force you to do anything that's not the best for your mental health.

I would also consider just lowering the amount of contact and see how it goes instead of completely cut ties (an action that would have life lasting consequences)

To be true, for what I read, if I was in your situation I wouldn't cut ties. You said that he supports you, and for me that's the important thing in a father. I personally have no issues having personal relationships with people with vastly different political ideologies. My mental health does not suffer from that. But every person is different, so you do what's best for you.

you can't demand people to change, it has to come from within. you can only talk to them and try to change their point of view. that certainly may not work in this case. your issue is not about if your father can live without you, but if you can live without him. if the answer is yes, then spending less time with him may be better for your mental health. also, you don't need to cut ties immediately completely. you can do that gradually to see if it is the right decision for you.

It's always right to survive.

I don't think it's selfish. At all.

If you let him know you'll be there for him whenever he decides to leave the cult, you're pretty much being generous. You don't owe him forgiveness, but offering it up front might also make it easier for him to one day get out. And it might make it easier on you as well.

By definition it is selfish I'd say. BUT! Huge "but" here, like you wouldn't believe - sometimes it is alright to be selfish. Sometimes you just need to put yourself first. This is most definitely one of those times.

Not selfish at all.

I've cut so many people from my life. I have a rule. If you exist in my life, and all you do is make me angry, there better be a REASON you're making me angry. Like when I was TRYING to get my dad to accept help from the government a few years back. His roof is failing. It's only getting worse. Our city has a roof replacement program for seniors. Totally free roof. His house is rotting. When it rains outside, it rains inside.

So yeah, I fought him for 2 years trying to get him to take the roof.

Yeah I made him angry, but it's because I care about him. And the fight is about getting him to take care of himself.

Unlike my sister, who will call, just to argue, and fight, with no real reason. I don't answer her calls.

And when I've had "friends" that only care about you when they need something, fuck off. I'm a generous person, who people think they can take advantage of. And I guess they can to a certain extent. I don't mind helping those in need. But there comes a point when you realize "I only see this guy every few months, and only when he has some sob story, and needs something".

THATS when I stop talking to friends. OR when I realize that I'm ALWAYS the one who has to innitiate contact. Like if I just stayed silent, the friendship would just be over. Ok then. Guess you never think about me if I'm not already in your presense. I don't need those people in my life.

No. Fuck Trump supporters. Their toxic hate is a detractor worthy of being cut off. If he can’t see how toxic he is, put him in that position and make him choose. Help him understand the truth of project 2025 and then let him decide if being “a man” is more important than being a father.

I pretty much did the same when my dad kept trying to push his politics on me during the last trump presidency. It sucks, but at the end of the day I’m a happier person. Hope they get their shit figured out.

Hope you find the same.

❤️