this post was submitted on 12 Feb 2025
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[–] atomicorange@lemmy.world 7 points 58 minutes ago* (last edited 53 minutes ago) (1 children)

Wendigo

It’s an Algonquin cryptid / monster with an insatiable hunger for human flesh and a love of murder. Generally greedy and evil. Also known to smell bad.

Honors our native heritage and says something about our beloved country’s strength of character.

"It's just a prank, Han!"

[–] MyFriendGodzilla@lemmy.world 3 points 40 minutes ago

The United States of Whatever

[–] Camzing@lemmy.world 1 points 22 minutes ago
[–] Monument@lemmy.sdf.org 3 points 56 minutes ago

Formally: Jeb! Informally: Jebland Dialectical variant of English: Jeblish Collective name for the people of Jebland: Jebanese

I’m kidding of course. We all know the process to rename the U.S. would be taken over by the wealthy and we’d wind up named HCH (Human Capital Holdings), LLC, a shell corporation/nation that is jointly owned by Blackrock, Vanguard, and State Street.

[–] Rajtinka@lemmy.world 6 points 2 hours ago (1 children)

The United States Inc. since that's all we are anyway....

[–] geneva_convenience@lemmy.ml 3 points 1 hour ago

United Corp.

[–] Tugboater203@lemmy.world 13 points 3 hours ago (1 children)

Whatever the Cherokee word for "stolen land" is.

[–] ICastFist@programming.dev 2 points 2 hours ago (1 children)

Truly the English specialty: stealing stuff from other people.

[–] Bdtrngl@lemmy.world 3 points 1 hour ago (1 children)

What's the only reason the pyramids are still in Egypt? They're too big to fit in the British museum.

[–] ICastFist@programming.dev 2 points 1 hour ago

Too big to fit English ships you mean ;)

[–] callouscomic@lemm.ee 4 points 2 hours ago

TwatWaffle McDunceland

Rename it to Mexico. Then the whole gulf of mexico situation is fixed.

[–] DankOfAmerica@reddthat.com 5 points 3 hours ago (1 children)

United States of Native America

[–] w3dd1e@lemm.ee 3 points 37 minutes ago

United Tribes of America

[–] evilcultist@sh.itjust.works 6 points 4 hours ago

Muskland. Quickly so we can start a fight.

[–] Akasazh@feddit.nl 8 points 5 hours ago (1 children)

As Amerigo is the Italianized version of the German 'Emmerich', is call it like that.

Bonus is that there is a very unassuming German border town called thusly.

[–] fmtx@lemmy.blahaj.zone 19 points 6 hours ago* (last edited 3 hours ago)

OK hear me out: It should be named after the first European explorer to discover it and popularize the European expansion: Christopher Columbus.

  • Like its namesake, the nation too is racist, cruel and genocidal. Even the Spanish Inquisition era Catholics were like, damn Christopher!
  • Like the largest exporter of cocaíne in South America, it too is full of drugs, and its elections are the plaything of big money cartels and foreign powers.
  • It was mostly settled by white people from England.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give to you your new nation: British Columbia.

[–] VinesNFluff@pawb.social 2 points 3 hours ago

Eagleland

I played far too much Earthbound.

[–] Tum@lemmy.world 10 points 6 hours ago (1 children)

Hank D. Hamburgers Electric Freedom Gun-Republic

[–] GrumpyDuckling@sh.itjust.works 2 points 4 hours ago

~~Republuc~~ llc

[–] MiltownClowns@lemmy.world 15 points 8 hours ago

The Adjacent States of Denial

[–] Etterra@discuss.online 42 points 10 hours ago (3 children)

Stolidus

  • It sounds strong and powerful
  • It's Latin, and therefore properly awesome.
  • It's definition is: foolish, absurd, dumb, forceless, powerless
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[–] No_Money_Just_Change@feddit.org 13 points 9 hours ago

The Land of the Flee while you still can

[–] MissJinx@lemmy.world 16 points 10 hours ago (1 children)
[–] JohnnyCanuck@lemmy.ca 7 points 8 hours ago

Oooh a contest to name the country, most votes wins!

I'll set up the 1-900 number, just $10 to submit your vote.

[–] zipzoopaboop@lemmynsfw.com 4 points 7 hours ago

United mcstatesface

[–] ininewcrow@lemmy.ca 58 points 13 hours ago* (last edited 13 hours ago) (2 children)
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[–] Stamets@lemmy.world 14 points 10 hours ago

Listen. I know you said no wrong answers but unfortunately due to the past few decades of the American Political system, pretty much anything is now effectively accurate. Even such things as:

  • The Divided States of America
  • McMilitary Industrial Complex
  • The Paycheck-to-Paycheck Republic
  • Red vs Blue
  • Gilded Ruins
  • AmeriKKKa
  • Walmartistan
  • Gunlandia
  • Yeehaw Reich
  • Methlehem
  • Debtlandia
  • Live, Laugh, Lawsuit
[–] PineRune@lemmy.world 17 points 11 hours ago* (last edited 8 hours ago) (4 children)

Serious answer: the Viking settlers named the land "Vinland" long before Columbus was even born. That name is of Germanic origin, same as the English language, and would be appropriate for settlers of Germanic origin (England, Germany, etc.)

Alternatively, a name in ~~the~~ a Native American language would be most appropriate given that they were the original inhabitants of the land.

[–] Tar_alcaran@sh.itjust.works 14 points 10 hours ago (1 children)

A name in the Native American language

There is no single native American language. There are over 200 of them, and used to be around 300-400, in 57 different families and over two dozen completely isolated languages (which might not be, but it's hard to find out). And they'd likely be at the very least somewhat mutually culturally insensitive.

So that might be even more difficult than using English, which at least has the benefit of being popular now.

[–] Skua@kbin.earth 3 points 6 hours ago

Vinland is Newfoundland, I'm afraid! It's not generally thought that the Norse made it as far south in the Americas as the modern day contiguous USA

[–] corsicanguppy@lemmy.ca 3 points 7 hours ago (1 children)

they were the original inhabitants of the land.

Nope. Third, apparently, and counting.

The pirates of yore were based on an old fraternity from the 1300s and before, that called this land - no lie - Merica.

[–] Num10ck@lemmy.world 2 points 3 hours ago

what in gods name are you blathering about?

[–] Karcinogen@discuss.tchncs.de 11 points 10 hours ago (1 children)

"OKLAHOMA", but in all caps because it's big now.

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[–] Mk23simp@lemmy.blahaj.zone 49 points 13 hours ago (5 children)

Trade names with the Gulf and become the United States of Mexico.

[–] ytg@sopuli.xyz 5 points 7 hours ago

That’s just Mexico’s actual name

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[–] shittydwarf@lemmy.dbzer0.com 20 points 12 hours ago

South Canada

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