Microblog Memes

I have watched a frankly absurd amount of youtube survival videos. I am reasonably certain i could survive long enough to die of starvation since the foraging aspect of survival never really interested me enough

I have the ability to provide constant unyielding optimism as long as no one ever asks me how I'm doing

most of the people listing their skills here are skills that require a functioning civilization in order to use.

I can brew beer, bake bread, make wine, kill animals, preserve meat without a refrigerator, make sausages.

I'm really snarky. What everyone really craves in trying times is a relentless stream of inane criticism.

I'm a first-waver and I'm fine with that. The world is shit enough as it is, and I'm tired. Apocalypse? Not interested. Have at it.

I was an electrical engineering student a long time ago, pretty handy with most tools and electronics. I'm also least likely to kill or rape people. Well, maybe not the least likely, but very low on the list of suspects.

I could probably get working communications up and running for communities in like a couple of weeks plus travel. I probably won't eat you.

I also have experience in demolition, reclamation, and construction. I can outrun the vast majority of people. How fast can you run?

Unfortunately, I'm a rifle and pistol skills trainer, handy enough with both power and non-power tools to barricade/build a functional shelter, a decent cook with barbones equipment, athletic enough to carry all that and still put in a days ruck, and multilingual enough that we won't have to kill everyone we come across right away...

Fortunately, my body regularly tries to kill me and I'll probably be in a coma before the month is out - so peace suckers.

Whacky sleep schedule, I can always cover for someone who might need to rest

I can sleep through anything.

Wake me up when they reestablish the society.

My special apocalypse skill is culture and entertainment.

I have a hundred TV series, a thousand curated movies, thousands of E books, and thousands of songs on a private server with 2 run drives in case that happens, encrypted of course, and with a laptop have the ability to play them for others or plug into anything with hdmi or even rgb as I carry an adapter.

Even at the end, there will be communities with solar grids that will want entertainment. I even have children's series for the kids.

If things are so bad that the prospect of a community movie night between farming and defense watches isn't an enticement, being shot would probably be a mercy. Plus, given time to scrounge and loot the before-fore times, it'd be pretty easy to offer copies of that entertainment to others in trade to other survivor communities without giving much up.

How much would an old laptop with 100 movies be worth to a community that's been telling eachother blurry recollections of old fiction around the fire for entertainment for years?

Brewing alcohol and maybe making drugs. Very essential stuff ;)

All my skills are computer related. I'd be useless as heck.

I'm not particularly good at any one thing. I have a PhD, but not in a subject that's "practical" in the post apocalypse. I'm physically fit enough, but I'm not a paragon of strength or agility. Relatedly, I'm in my mid30s, so not old, but not spry either. I'm handy enough to fix things with instruction and some light jury-rigging, but I'm hardly a Macguyver-type. I've never fired a gun before, but I can probably learn to use one.

Assuming I'm not killed instantaneously, or shortly thereafter, I'm an extra set of hands or an additional mouth to feed, depending on your perspective. Charitably, I'm analytically-minded and useful enough in the field, low to middle management type; less charitably, I'm an NPC type that happens to have some amusing dialog.

In a movie or tv show following a group in the post apocalypse, I think I'd be like the 4th to die; dignified enough to have established a minor story arch, but certainly not enough to be a main character. Also not so unimportant that I'm killed off screen (or worse yet, ret-conned).

I'm tasty.

I'm a handyman and a weed farmer lmfao I can't wait for the apocalypse

Nice try skynet.

Mine would be being a good watch; startled easily, don't get bored, don't get tired.

I'm a mechanical engineer who's done a lot of hands-on metalworking. Welding, cutting, grinding... you name it. The spikes on your vehicle and the diesel fuel powering it need to come from somewhere. You'll need lots of guns and ammo too.

And yes I've got it all in print for when the power is out. My Machinery's Handbook will be passed down for generations.

Who Will Be Eaten First?

I have an infinite amount of patience, diplomacy and faith in the importance of solidarity

Honestly, assuming I can keep getting the stimulants I need to function I would be pretty valuable. I'm good at fixing damn near everything, I'm good with a rifle, and I am an eagle scout with all the survival training that entailed. Of course without my drugs you might as well call me "emergency rations" for all the good I would do.

Gardening, food preservation, baking, and backyard chickens. I'll trade zucchini and eggs for everything and if I can't I'll give them away

Seriously an undervalued skill in a zombie apocalypse

Can grow weed and am purple belt in bjj. Could teach wrestling and grappling and get you high. Worked as an electrical apprentice for some time. Can wire up all sorts of basic shit. Insulated a couple thousand home in my time, I can keep a place warm.

Define the level of apocalypse..

Do you mean like evil acts of others? I wear personal self defense, fingers crossed I never need to use it.

Or like a flood or volcano eruption or something? Welp, guess I'm fucked too, I can't swim in water or lava. ☹️💀

There really isn't anything that I can't do well enough. I'm somewhat of a Renaissance Man. Shooting, hunting, fighting, farming, construction, fishing, mechanics, electronics, radio communication, soldering, flying, whatever, I've done it.

Being naturally avoidant of other people. It's always other people who pose the greatest danger in these situations.

That I'm actually somewhat prepaired for it and when others go fist fighting for fuel and toilet paper I'll just hunker down in my house waiting for the worst chaos to subside.