this post was submitted on 13 Oct 2024
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Lemmy Shitpost

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[–] Zozano@lemy.lol 39 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (1 children)

il_1588xN.1998833855_27ng-4090175647

That's why I invest in wireless, RFID resistant, anti-flash dick screening devices. Wake up sheeple!

[–] lud@lemm.ee 1 points 2 days ago (1 children)

But does it need to be tamper proof as well?

[–] Zozano@lemy.lol 2 points 1 day ago

Its not just tamper proof, it's future proof!

One day they'll want to manually inspect your cock before getting on a plane.

Well I'm sorry Mr. TSA, my WMD is none of your business.

[–] Makeshift@sh.itjust.works 60 points 3 days ago (4 children)

Genuinely though, it would not surprise anymore. We have subscription based cars selling your info to insurance companies, retroactively ammended purchase experiences everywhere, and every dang app and website harvesting as much info on you as physically possible no matter how mundane.

Dick info reporting toilets would not at all catch me by surprise at this point.

[–] RogueBanana@lemmy.zip 7 points 2 days ago

Dick info reporting seems pointless but they can add an advert screen above the urinal (which is sadly becoming common) and track your eye movement to record engagement rates.

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[–] socialpankakemix@lemmy.blahaj.zone 54 points 3 days ago (4 children)

this is why I exclusively pee in the dumpster being dairy queen

[–] RattlerSix@lemmy.world 24 points 3 days ago (3 children)

A real man would do it in the trash can inside the dairy queen

[–] socialpankakemix@lemmy.blahaj.zone 25 points 3 days ago (1 children)
[–] RattlerSix@lemmy.world 18 points 3 days ago

Sorry, I shouldn't have assumed

[–] Agent641@lemmy.world 4 points 2 days ago (1 children)
[–] HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 1 points 17 hours ago

The dairy queen or the trash can

[–] idunnololz@lemmy.world 2 points 2 days ago

I pee on the dairy queen (with consent of course)

[–] Scubus@sh.itjust.works 5 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Why is the dumpster being dairy queen?

[–] slackassassin@sh.itjust.works 2 points 2 days ago

Dumpster is obviously a dairy king.

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[–] IMNOTCRAZYINSTITUTION@lemmy.world 18 points 2 days ago (1 children)

real shit, these things are mechanical turks. they really are cameras that are live streaming to centers in third world countries. when the poorly paid operator sees you're done, he sends the flush signal to the toilet. if you've ever been in a bathroom where the "sensor is broken" and it seems to flush at random, it's because they just keep flushing it periodically if they can't get a visual. real truth

[–] werefreeatlast@lemmy.world 3 points 2 days ago

We were just training AI flushers this whole time?

[–] mumblerfish@lemmy.world 28 points 3 days ago (2 children)

Damn. They are automating penis inspection day? What are creeps to do now?

[–] BoxOfFeet@lemmy.world 1 points 2 days ago

Automation stealing our jobs again. My grandpa was a penis inspector. He worked long, hard hours to put three kids through school and food on the table.

[–] saruwatarikooji@lemmy.world 3 points 2 days ago

We're suffering... How do you expect me to feed my family when I have to compete with HAL here?

[–] MrGerrit@feddit.nl 25 points 3 days ago (1 children)

"No data collected, subject not big enough to register. "

[–] trumpetmouth@lemmy.world 4 points 2 days ago

glad I'm not alone here.

[–] prole@lemmy.blahaj.zone 5 points 2 days ago

Jokes on them, my dick information is already all over the web!

[–] GreenKnight23@lemmy.world 13 points 2 days ago (1 children)
[–] kamen@lemmy.world 5 points 2 days ago (1 children)

All is fine, but I'm still curious: how many do you have?

[–] GreenKnight23@lemmy.world 2 points 2 days ago

at least one. at most nine.

[–] Avg@lemm.ee 26 points 3 days ago

Good luck, I encrypted my dick data.

[–] chiliedogg@lemmy.world 12 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Jokes on them. They're gonna need a longer lens.

[–] Evil_Shrubbery@lemm.ee 8 points 2 days ago

(awkwardly long zooming noises)

[–] Evil_Shrubbery@lemm.ee 11 points 2 days ago

My pp information is public, Im not hiding anything - what are you people hiding??

[–] tpihkal@lemmy.world 18 points 3 days ago (1 children)

What does matter is length times diameter plus weight over girth divided by angle of the tip squared.

[–] davidagain@lemmy.world 3 points 2 days ago

I have so many questions. Are you measuring angle from the vertical or the horizontal? Whereabouts should I be placing the ruler for that tangent? Are we using metric or imperial units? If metric, is it square centimetres or kilograms per cm, and if it's imperial, is it square inches or ounces per inch per square degree?

[–] MrFloppy@lemmy.world 3 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

"Not looking, not looking at your penis at all. " ... "So sorry about your penis." [Little Britain]

[–] stupidcasey@lemmy.world 11 points 2 days ago (1 children)

How else would we keep the girls out of the mens room? I personally am willing to give up a little privacy if it means protection from A foreign government, besides you don’t have anything to worry about as long as you have a dick, and to those arguing that those of us with smaller than average members might get thrown in prison unjustly I say just grow a bigger slong, Besides are people with small penis really men? I mean yeah technically it’s on there birth certificate but come on.

[–] Agent641@lemmy.world 6 points 2 days ago

Small penises are a lifestyle choice

[–] niktemadur@lemmy.world 18 points 3 days ago

Dick pics or it didn't happen!

[–] Speculater@lemmy.world 10 points 3 days ago

LMAO, jokes on them not going to be able to see mine without a microscope.

[–] Blackout@fedia.io 16 points 3 days ago (3 children)

34x28x16 @ 400 p.s.i. is that enough information for you?

[–] capt_wolf@lemmy.world 12 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago)

Sorry, but no, you forgot duration it took to void, stream color, taste, smell, accuracy, flow consistency, body hair grooming, presence and degree of curvature, and overall hygiene. We've gone ahead and shared your supplied data with our 1869 advertising and heathcare partners. Thank you for opting in! We will continue to collect data at all of our established locations and now through your personal cell phone! Have a nice day!

[–] skulblaka@sh.itjust.works 8 points 3 days ago

400 psi? Damn you could piss the paint off your house with that thing

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[–] Pika@sh.itjust.works 3 points 2 days ago

ooo so that's why they never seem to work, makes so much sense now! /j

[–] Dpof@lemmy.world 1 points 1 day ago

Mines already out in the open

[–] YakTrimmer@lemmy.blahaj.zone 11 points 3 days ago

I care a lot about my prickvacy!

[–] Sam_Bass@lemmy.world 5 points 2 days ago (2 children)

fwiw if it dont autoflush just press the smaller black dot

[–] Agent641@lemmy.world 19 points 2 days ago (2 children)

My dick won't reach that high

[–] Sam_Bass@lemmy.world 3 points 2 days ago (1 children)

sounds like a personal problem

[–] Agent641@lemmy.world 2 points 2 days ago

Skill issue

[–] tpihkal@lemmy.world 4 points 2 days ago

How does no one I work with understand this?

[–] Kolanaki@yiffit.net 6 points 3 days ago

Error: Please make sure your junk fills up the entire target area for accurate data collection.

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