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submitted 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) by TIN@feddit.uk to c/gaming@beehaw.org

So, hear me out.

I'm a 47 year old guy and I'm not ashamed to say that I enjoy video games. I always have, from playing Head over Heels on a Speccy +2 to ESO and Valorant on my self built PC.

Due to various life circumstances, I'm also on the dating scene and to most women I meet, around my age, video games are anathema. When I say that I like them it's usually meet with an "oh dear" or a "my son would probably love to talk to you about them, I find them really boring"

I have two boys, both teenagers, both play all the time and sometimes we all play together (although they are better as they have more time to apply to games). Their friends are amazed that I will talk about games with them, that I know someone about games and that I play games. None of their parents want to talk with them about what is effectively their main hobby that they do all the time (big sad).

So the question, there must be some sort of cut off age at which video games are no longer an acceptable pastime. Is it absolute age based (nothing after 35) or is it something to do with the progression of games into popular culture and people born after, say, 1986 will not see it as unacceptable?

I don't have an answer, I just think it's an interesting question. Thanks for reading, let me know what you think!

Edit to add: I'm not planning on stopping through peer pressure, just wondering about the phenomenon!

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[-] Xero@infosec.pub 6 points 1 year ago

I'm 55 and I will probably be playing right up until I die. You do whatever makes you feel comfortable, I am too old to give a fuck what other people think.

[-] Silviecat44@vlemmy.net 6 points 1 year ago

There are heaps of old people (60+) who play Elite Dangerous and Stardew Valley. Never stop gaming just because of your age!

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[-] smallaubergine@kbin.social 6 points 1 year ago

So the question, there must be some sort of cut off age at which video games are no longer an acceptable pastime. Is it absolute age based (nothing after 35) or is it something to do with the progression of games into popular culture and people born after, say, 1986 will not see it as unacceptable?

Why do you care what other people/society thinks? Play/watch/read/do whatever you want. As long as you're not hurting anybody and you're enjoying yourself why would it matter

[-] Los@beehaw.org 6 points 1 year ago

There isn’t a cutoff in my experience. I’ve met more over 40 gamers that are chill to hang out with then under 25s.

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[-] Phx333@lemmy.ml 6 points 1 year ago

I’m 62 year old woman I started playing at 38, in 1999. I play a lot and I have no intention on stopping. I have never met a potential partner that saw it as a negative, but I would never impose it on them or not be available for activities because I would prefer gaming.

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[-] MagicShel@programming.dev 6 points 1 year ago

Anyone dating at 47 (assuming they are near your age) should be taking what they deal with. If gaming is a show stopper for them, I'm not sure I'd worry about them saying how shallow they are. Easy for me to say as I'm married, but I'm going to be 50 sooner then I'd like and while I don't game as much as I used to and I know things like WoW which entail a time commitment are not games I can play, but I still game some nights. Sometimes lots of nights.

[-] UziBobuzi@kbin.social 6 points 1 year ago

I'll be 59 this year and have been gaming since Pong. They'll pry my controller from my cold, dead fingers. Also, I'm a woman as is the circle I play with, who are also all older women (45+). We do exist and couldn't give a fuck about what society thinks about it.

Better gaming than just being a potato watching TV every spare minute with no other outlet.

Gaming's been shown to help prevent dementia because it keeps the brain active.

Consider that the women that you've been trying to date that don't appreciate gaming just aren't the right partner for you.

[-] Asenath@kbin.social 4 points 1 year ago

50 year old female, been playing video games since the Atari 2600. With the SO since 1996.

Methinks OP just needs to meet more women. There is no "cut off age at which video games are no longer an acceptable pastime".

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[-] l4sgc@beehaw.org 6 points 1 year ago

My wife and I met 8 years ago playing Dota 2. Now our friend group is all late 20s early 30s, and we mostly play pve games like Darktide a couple times a week, but when we can we also meet up for tabletops. We will definitely continue playing games since we enjoy them. My in-laws just retired and they have gotten really into pokemon go. My mom never really 'got' any game but now she's really into Lego and jigsaw puzzles. One of my friend's parents are also really into tabletops and will sometimes join us. It's super cool that you and your kids have a hobby that you share and bond over, and I hope to have that with my own child someday!

[-] MedicareForSome@lemmy.ml 6 points 1 year ago

I would say it's not really an age thing. I mean age probably plays a role but ultimately it's just a hobby that is relatively common and not very exciting to an outsider.

This is definitely experienced by 20 year olds too. There is definitely a social pressure.

Based on this, 12% of people in your age bracket play video games, it's typically a roughly 50/50 split by gender. Not exactly a small amount. I think it's more that if you date 10 women, one will be a gamer and you've just not met that one.

[-] aedyr@lemmy.ca 6 points 1 year ago

Yeah I think this is more a compatibility filter. If it's an interest of yours and makes you happy, there is no cutoff.

[-] ryanspeck@kbin.social 6 points 1 year ago

It's not age related. It's generational.

You're at the end of Gen X (as am I), meaning most of the women of your age group that you're probably dating didn't really grow up around video games and probably still see them as a wasteful, childish pastime, which was the general, parochial view of our parents' generation about our hobbies. (Sure, endlessly watch people play sports on television but never waste your time doing something you personally enjoy.)

Meanwhile, those even a few years younger than us grew up in a generation where more and more girls grew up with video games, have a more personal relationship with them, and understand the value of the hobby. That's only increased with time.

My own wife, who is at the older end of the Millenials, grew up playing video games with her younger brothers but never had any real affinity for them. She's never particularly cared about my gaming (something I do now with my daughter), though she's never taken interest in playing anything herself.

Ultimately, you'll probably just have to choose a better class of date.

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[-] lazy@lemmy.fmhy.ml 6 points 1 year ago

I am 45, so I understand what you are talking about. The issue is not strictly age. One does not simply age out of video games. I think the issue is just that our particular age group and generation is sort of on the dividing line between two extremes. On one extreme are those that are older than us have never played video games because they didn't exist when they were kids. My older sister is just old enough that she never played video games because as they were created, they were created for kids my age and younger and therefore she had no interest. To her, they will always be kid things even though they are now developed to be appealing for all ages. On the other extreme are those a lot younger than us where basically everyone plays video games. Not very many of the younger generation gives up entirely on video games.

I predict that in 30 years, video games will be popular in nursing homes and retirement homes whereas currently, no one in that age group has much interest at all. By that time, the whole population will have been exposed to video games their whole life and that will make all the difference.

In the current oldest generation there is not much stigma to deal with because none of them had video games growing up, so there is very little interest. And in the youngest generation, there is very little stigma because everyone plays video games. Meanwhile, we will always be part of the generation where only some of us kids played video games - mostly boys, and mostly seen as the nerds if we stuck with it.

[-] liminalDeluge@beehaw.org 5 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

My parents are in their 50s and do not view video games as an unusual hobby. My father regularly plays games with his friends (aged 30s to 50s) on Friday nights and the weekend.

The only person I've met who viewed video games like what you describe was a mid-60s gentleman who struggled to believe that I played video games regularly and had a good GPA in college. His hobbies were golf and walking, though, so he wasn't about to call anyone else's hobby "boring."

There is no age or demographic for whom video games are an unacceptable pastime. There are merely individuals who have their own weird hangups regarding the hobbies of others.

Edit: wanted to add that I love to hear of parents gaming together with their kids! Some of my favorite childhood memories are playing games with my family and we still sometimes get together to play a co-op game.

[-] hellequin67@lemmy.fmhy.ml 5 points 1 year ago

I'm 56 and play Minecraft and PUBG mobile.

As long as you're having fun I don't see why it should have an age limit.

Unless you're playing specifically children's games.

[-] lemillionsocks@beehaw.org 5 points 1 year ago

I think elder millennials are definitely at the cutoff point for it. I'm in my early 30s so I'm a millenial with a capital M. Right in the middle of the generation. I'd also argue that we were the pivoting point for mainstream gaming.

Based on interactions with people my age and older I'd say the cutoff is closer to like 35 maybe 38? Even in my generation I remember growing up in high school and middle school that it wasnt as socially acceptable to play videogames for girls. As a 34 year old I'll say they werent uncommon and I played games with girls growing up and it wasnt hard to find girls my age in hs and college who played games, but it seems like the majority of girls were encouraged to age out of it. If I were to make up a number I'd say maybe 1/4 played video games? maybe half depending on the setting.

Even among guys I'd argue that after a certain age a majority of guys kept to a very specific type of game like sports games and maybe an FPS like halo or Cod.

It was during my late teens and early 20s that geek chic really took hold and it became more and more socially acceptable to like hobbies that were previously seen as childish or nerdy and it not be a big deal. I feel like a lot of "closeted" nerds and gamers became more open about the silly things they liked, and those who stopped because they were embarrassed as teens were willing to pick up a controller again.

The cultural shift happened right in the thick of things though so the closer you are to gen X the more likely you were expected to outgrow things and the closer you were to gen z the more you're allowed to just have fun.

[-] 018118055@sopuli.xyz 5 points 1 year ago

No plans to ever stop gaming. Started at 7, now 48.

[-] Pasdude@kbin.social 5 points 1 year ago

Who’s making the micro-transaction gig profitable? 9 year olds? I’m willing to bet Epic games has netted about 1k from me since it’s initial release. I figure if I go out with friends I’m dropping 100.00 easily. If I stay in one night and spend 60.00 on vbucks I’m still saving 40 and I’m certainly not less entertained.

I’m 53, I’ll be playing games until the arthritis is too bad or I go blind.

[-] Gazelli@lemmy.one 5 points 1 year ago

I've got 20 years on you and I don't see an end to my gaming days anytime soon.

[-] ladydascalie@beehaw.org 5 points 1 year ago

I work in the games industry. So it would be pretty surprising if there were a "social cutoff" in my circle.

I've met people who think playing games is weird for an adult, but then they don't question watching TV or YouTube videos for hours. People who judge you based on where you find your entertainment tend not to be fun to be around.

[-] calhoon2005@aussie.zone 5 points 1 year ago
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[-] Send_me_nude_girls@feddit.de 5 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

I personally think it's only related to birth generation. For currently past 30 years old it was still pretty rare for people to game a lot. Now everyone has a smartphone and gaming is a big business. Also people past a certain age develop a level of "old people grumpiness" and this sticks to them in whatever they do. Some lost interest in hobbies and are seriously envious of people enjoying gaming instead of watching TV all day or gossiping with neighbors. I also believe current younger generstions are much more understanding of other people's life choices, less judging. Not long ago young marriage was the goal number one, for thousands of years. We're live in a fast changing age at the moment.

There's no drop off for gaming.

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[-] BingoBangoBongo@midwest.social 5 points 1 year ago

Its dumb to call video games childish then go home and flip on love is blind or some shit like that.

[-] Saintzillla@beehaw.org 5 points 1 year ago

33M with a daughter that will be learning Rocket League as soon as she shows any interest. 😂

It's definitely skewed by generation, but it's just an ignorance thing.

My dad quit videogames when I chopped him down with a 180 in 1080 Snowboarding on the N64 right before the finish line.

He loves watching Star Trek.

I game about how much he watches TV. One is passive. One is engaged. Both are fine.

He has spent most of my life thinking they're dumb, but has kind of chilled out over time. Just wish he would check out Starfield or whatever when it comes out.

That said, gaming is polarizing. You either come from a place where it's misunderstood to celebrated or you come from a place where it's vilified.

I have an uncle who put down video games my whole life like I was wasting it.

I'm happily married with a house and a kid and my life is totally kickass.

He's got a (thus far) bad investment in a sim space these days. His sons company. He insists it isn't video games.

You know... It's literally the highest end of gaming... Like, wut.

[-] decavolt@kbin.social 5 points 1 year ago

I'm 48. I was dating five years ago, and now I'm married to a woman who doesn't play games at all. So I'll say this: when a date says "oh dear" or some such when you say you play games, that's a red flag. Even if they don't personally play, it's pretty shitty for a partner (or potential partner) to try to make you feel bad about about your hobbies. Absolutely fuck that noise. They don't have to like the same things, but it's a whole other situation for them to tell you it's dumb or wrong for you to like what you like. That goes double when you have kids and you play with them.

I play games, I draw, and I play D&D. Hell, I just bought a Steamdeck and am goingto build an arcade cabinet with my stepson. My wife does none of that, and it's super important to me that I not be shamed about my hobbies. I would never shame her about hers.

There is no age cutoff. The idea that fun things are childish is a stupid concept pushed by boring people on the rest of us because they don't know how to have fun anymore.

[-] Scary_le_Poo@beehaw.org 5 points 1 year ago

I'm 41 and not only do I play games everyday I also develop them. My girlfriend enjoys the fact that I play games. When we aren't together a lot of the time I will stream them and most of the time she's my only viewer lol

She is very supportive and encouraged me to do things that are fun.

Honestly, if the women you are meeting aren't supportive of your hobbies and what you enjoy doing to relax, then trust me when I say you don't want anything to do with them. These women are telling you who they are, believe them and steer clear.

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[-] philpo@feddit.de 5 points 1 year ago

I am a paramedic and used to do some part-time work in nursing homes. In other words: I see a lot of old folks.

There is no age cut-off and anyone telling you there is one is simply gatekeeping/steering up drama.

I have seen an old WW2 fighter pilot who had a kick ass Sim Suite with multiple screen,etc. in his room (was in the early 2000 so still old heavy screens). Every evening an aide rolled him "in" his setup with his wheelchair and he "flew" for hours, either MSFS or various fighter games. (I feel really sorry for him that he died before the wave of really good milsim games came out).

I saw countless people with NES, SNES, PS1,PS2 etc.- just because their body was failing them their mind wasn't. While motor control is an issue we nowadays have much better alternatives for these cases.

And we have overwhelming scientific evidence that gaming does keep your finemotric up to date and decreases some challenges of aging. And online gaming has been proven to reduce loneliness in older people - which is a problem especially older men face.

I know,you are not nearly that old as the people in my examples. But they played since the 80ies.

So why shouldn't you?

[-] autumn@reddthat.com 4 points 1 year ago

I feel like several things are intersecting here:

  1. PC gaming took off in the 90s. I'm not clear on the history of consoles but I'm wondering if they became widespread in the 80s? Having these devices at home probably created a larger generation of gamers.

  2. Gaming was "for boys" until very recently, and tbh the inclusion of women as the default audience for games is still a work in progress. Game protagonists are usually male, romance options usually assume the player is a straight man, even the quests and the way NPCs are written are colored by these assumptions.

  3. Video games have gotten so much more complex in a very short amount of time. The storylines are richer, the writing and visual effects have gotten signifixlcantly better. Someone who has only experienced early arcade games or clicker mobile games wouldn't see gaming in general as a worthy hobby for adults.

[-] Zagaroth@beehaw.org 4 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Meh, my wife and I are 48 and are both playing the same JRPG phone game (Another Eden. It's a Gatcha, but plays more like a traditional single-player JRPG). And she loves to watch me play FFXIV and other story-heavy games that she has trouble playing herself. And we are in a D&D game Saturday nights.

So I wouldn't worry about it too much, you just gotta find the right woman.

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[-] craigers@kbin.social 4 points 1 year ago

37 year old gamer here, time to start dating 20-somethings 😉

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[-] Anomander@kbin.social 4 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

I don't think there "must" be an age cutoff where people are supposed to stop playing - instead, there's an age cutoff for where people didn't grow up with or have access to computers or gaming.

I was born right on the cusp of video games moving from niche nerd shit and becoming relatively mainstream. I can see that there's a clear gap between friends who game and friends who don't that nearly directly ties to whether or not they played games as a kid. A lot of the time for my generation, that's a socioeconomic division more than anything else. Computers were expensive as a kid, so most of my friends who grew up poor found other interests in childhood and grew up to be adults who don't really play games. The kids I grew up around whose families were more well-off have continued gaming as adults. Maybe less, maybe different games; but in many ways it's like asking what age someone is supposed to outgrow "having hobbies".

The older someone is today the less likely it is they had access to games and gaming, and often the more intimidating they find learning about computers and gaming - and the more time they've had to find some other hobby that they find compelling.

There definitely is a thing in the dating market where some people can be particularly judgmental about gaming. Personally, I've found that is loudest and largest for some of the more ... "serial" daters I know, who have found themselves in relationships with lots of different people and have found that gaming, or identifying as a "gamer" tends to correlate with other bigger issues. There's also the side concern when something that's big in your life isn't something they can relate to - a little like the ultra-fan Sports Dudes where all of every game day will always be booked off for watching the games with the boys.

I think in regards to the dating market, it's less that anyone needs to "grow out of" gaming, and more that adults are more expected to have a mature relationship with their hobbies, gaming included. And given that there are negative connotations about degenerate adult gamers not really grown up, that may be something to keep in mind regarding how you present that hobby and how you talk about your relationship with it.

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[-] closure1170@beehaw.org 4 points 1 year ago
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[-] ICastFist@programming.dev 4 points 1 year ago

Games should always be socially acceptable, and my recommendation is for you to look for women who, even if they don't play, would be willing to try something. Start with something that's easy to learn and that you can play together, like Bomberman (the old SNES ones are still great). Coop will always work better at first, it makes a clear message that you're not there "to win", you're there "to teach"

I strongly suspect most women don't play because they see games as something "for boys". Not many ever had the opportunity to play anything when they were younger and most dismiss the games they actually play, like Candy Crush or whatever, as "not really games".

My ex never bothered with games, despite playing some flash stuff back in the late 2000's. To her surprise, she actually enjoyed playing Tekken 6, Torchlight 2 and Kirby Star Allies, all of which I gave her a chance to play. I also presented many other games, but she didn't show any interest, so I didn't push them. Even my mom, who always despised me and my games, plays one of those Hidden Objects games every day (used to only play Solitaire and Freecell).

My nephews don't have a videogame or PC for themselves, but on 2 occasions that I set up something for them to play, they had a blast, once beating each other on Street Fighter 2, the other getting lost and yelling at each other in Super Mario 3D World.

[-] rwhitisissle@beehaw.org 4 points 1 year ago

Posts like this remind me of the Twilight Zone episode Time Enough At Last, in which a man who loves to read gets knocked out and wakes up after the world has been devastated by hydrogen bombs. The entire episode leading up to this had most of the characters chastising the protagonist for being a "reader," who spends all of his time reading "doggerel" such as, wait for it, David Copperfield. Perhaps this was a genuine attitude held, if perhaps not as extremely, by people in the early or middle parts of the 20th century before television was truly ubiquitous, who looked at reading as frivolous or immature entertainment. But my point is that you're facing a cultural attitude that will probably shift more and more in favor of inclusiveness as time goes on. Almost all women in their 30s that I know either play video games themselves or just uncritically accept that other people play video games for fun. I can see why women in their 40s might be less amenable to it. I don't have anything to add other than that you're both ahead of the curve and a victim of the times.

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[-] asclepias@beehaw.org 4 points 1 year ago

I'm over 40 and still game with my husband and kids. It's a normal part of our lives, and it's fairly limited when our kids (all 10 and under) are awake.

However, I have seen many, many posts over the years in various mom spaces about husbands and fathers putting gaming before their families. Coming home from work and going straight to the console 5 days a week. Using their paid time off to no life AAA releases while their wives had to use theirs on sick kids. Spending "his" money upgrading the gaming rig while putting the stay at home spouse or lower earner on a such a strict budget she couldn't afford clothes or haircuts. Exploding at their kids for being interrupted during online game sessions in the middle of the afternoon. These are extreme examples, but I've seen them all more than once. If that's the lived experience of the women you are meeting, I can see why you'd get an unenthusiastic response to the hobby.

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[-] Grant_M@lemmy.ca 4 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

I'm 55 now and plan to continue to casually play video games until I RIP IRL

[-] AChiTenshi@vlemmy.net 4 points 1 year ago

In reality there is no age. It is a hobby as any other and don't let people judge you for enjoying it. They can not partake in the hobby all they want but they don't get to judge you for doing so.

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this post was submitted on 21 Jun 2023
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