this post was submitted on 03 Sep 2024
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Lemmy Shitpost

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Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

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[–] ivanafterall@lemmy.world 61 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Stop pretending like you don't fart when you pee, there's no shame in it. That's typically the time to moan, if you're going to do it.

[–] SatansMaggotyCumFart@lemmy.world 36 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

All while you’re looking your urinal neighbor straight in the eye.

[–] Mercury@lemmy.world 7 points 2 weeks ago

Relevant username

[–] stoicmaverick@lemmy.world 49 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

Do it again, but include sneezing this time.

[–] scytale@lemm.ee 39 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

If you fart and sneeze at the same time, your body takes a screenshot.

[–] Blackmist@feddit.uk 15 points 2 weeks ago

But there's a small chance of it making a printout on your underpants.

[–] wabafee@lemmy.world 8 points 2 weeks ago

Core memory

[–] jballs@sh.itjust.works 10 points 2 weeks ago

Then add cumming

[–] MossyFeathers@pawb.social 38 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

Personally, I'd find it very concerning if I went to piss and farts started coming out instead.

[–] WalrusDragonOnABike@lemmy.today 33 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

If you hold farts in till you go to the restroom, its a natural time they'll come out as you relax while peeing.

[–] MossyFeathers@pawb.social 12 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)

But farts aren't supposed to come out of your pee hole.

...Right?

[–] 0x0@lemmy.dbzer0.com 9 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)

Urethrarts are dangerous, consult a doctor

[–] HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 6 points 2 weeks ago

What am I supposed to say, "Doctor, I pee carbonated."

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[–] DJDarren@thelemmy.club 4 points 2 weeks ago

Not with that attitude.

[–] WalrusDragonOnABike@lemmy.today 2 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

What does pee holes have to do with it. It's just about relaxing the muscles in the area that were holding the farts and pee so the farts come out too.

[–] MossyFeathers@pawb.social 2 points 1 week ago

I said that I'd be very concerned if I pissed and farts started coming out instead. Like, I went to pee but farts came out of my urethra.

[–] PineRune@lemmy.world 6 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

Wouldn't the fart bubbles make the pee go everywhere? Like air bubbles in a garden hose when you first turn it on.

[–] JoeyHarrington@lemmy.ca 8 points 2 weeks ago

No the farts actually assist with urine release from the urethra. It's healthy.

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[–] DJDarren@thelemmy.club 33 points 2 weeks ago

checks community

Yep, we're in the right place, boys.

[–] lowleveldata@programming.dev 25 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)

Where is the case where I'm being efficient and do everything in 1 go?

[–] justme@lemmy.dbzer0.com 12 points 2 weeks ago

That is the entire second row about

[–] Venat0r@lemmy.world 3 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)
[–] FozzyOsbourne@lemm.ee 5 points 2 weeks ago

This man's parts send his sharts off the charts

[–] Sparky@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 points 2 weeks ago

What like brushing your teeth or showering?

[–] HappyFrog@lemmy.blahaj.zone 21 points 1 week ago (3 children)

Reading this was very confusing until i realized some people don't sit down to piss.

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[–] Lime66@lemmy.world 20 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)

So pissing while farting sucks but farting while pissing is OK?

[–] Eccitaze@yiffit.net 22 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

Do you drop trou and stand in front of a toilet every time you need to toot the flesh whistle?

[–] Amir@lemmy.ml 13 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (1 children)

Yeah the top one is accidental so if you're farting you're probably still wearing your pants

[–] cheddar@programming.dev 10 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

I always put down my pants when I fart.

[–] DJDarren@thelemmy.club 6 points 2 weeks ago

Farting in the office must be doubly awkward.

[–] HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 4 points 2 weeks ago

and aim at the ceiling. we call that room "pollock's corner"

Same for shitting/pissing.

[–] robocall@lemmy.world 17 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)
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[–] needthosepylons@lemmy.world 16 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (2 children)

Ah yes, I often shit while I shit.

[–] sag@lemm.ee 4 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)
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[–] Agent641@lemmy.world 3 points 1 week ago

Sometimes you think youre done and as you go to wipe, guts are like "but wait, theres more!"

[–] Sam_Bass@lemmy.world 15 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Tis better to be pissed off than pissed on

[–] WhiskyTangoFoxtrot@lemmy.world 5 points 2 weeks ago

That's a matter of opinion.

[–] Bruncvik@lemmy.world 13 points 2 weeks ago

The picture doesn't do justice to the evil that is sharting. Especially in the middle of a long run.

[–] twinnie@feddit.uk 11 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

I honestly think I’d rather shit myself while farting than piss myself. If you shit yourself you can hide it and clean up. If you piss yourself everyone can see.

[–] ajoebyanyothername@lemmy.world 34 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

I feel like you're overestimating your ability to subtly shit yourself.

[–] wreckedcarzz@lemmy.world 8 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

And the smell. And the potential liquid.

[–] jballs@sh.itjust.works 8 points 2 weeks ago

Yeah, sharts aren't exactly known for being a solid log.

[–] Blackmist@feddit.uk 6 points 2 weeks ago

Nobody shits themselves with a solid.

[–] rimmedalpha@lemmynsfw.com 9 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

Center bottom is all wrong. Should be this:

[–] HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 9 points 2 weeks ago

I haven't stopped shitting for the last... checks watch twenty two years. Any combo is nice. The triple is a beaut

[–] BilboBargains@lemmy.world 4 points 2 weeks ago

Shitting turns out to be the most hazardous activity of the trifecta.

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