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Extreme Misogyny in Incels Probably Not Caused by Sexual Frustration
(researchinenglish.com)
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this post was submitted on 29 Sep 2023
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Sometimes people mix up the order of things and thus the cause and effect. For instance, with some medical issues, doctors have thought things like "oh, you went on this extreme diet, then you lost weight and had gastric issues". No, I lost weight and had gastric issues, so I went on an extreme diet. In this case, i think the misogyny precedes lack of success at finding a partner. It can also be a situation of giving up too soon. For me, middle school and high school were so horrible in various ways that i assumed I was 100% doomed - I didn't realize that life after 20 is very different. It still has high school social aspects, but it's a lot better in many ways.
That's not what this link says
Yeah, i drink wine all day and can't actually read.
Probably not the best thing to do if you have gastric issues.
Yeah, I don't think it's recommended in general.
Please teach me how to make the best out of my 20s!
Be more accepting of yourself and follow those passions. Nobody cares in your 20s what you do in your spare time, as long as it is something. There is nothing more boring than a person who has no passions and just exists.
If I was to redo my 20s. What worked was going to university in my mid 20s. I was able to finish it much quicker and made some close friends during by that time as well as set my career path going. What I wish I had done was move away from the city I grew up in. I only did it in my late 20s and I regret not doing it sooner.
Have lots of social interactions. It’s valuable. Set yourself up career wise. Always check to know you haven’t hit a ceiling where you’re working. Exercise and travel lots would be my key takeaways.
Great advice, thanks!
Disagree. Sometimes its perfectly fine to hit a ceiling if you are comfortable where you are and are withing comfortable means. This always look for better is exhausting, and 100% guarantees you will never like your job.
To be clear, I am NOT advocating that people should stay in dead end job they hate. Do not under any circumstance willingly stay at a job you hate. you only get one life, dont make it about work or money.
I think it’s important in your 20s to push yourself and know where your ambitions and priorities lie. Checking if your work is a dead end can also signify wherever you’re growing in your skill sets too. What you don’t want is suddenly needing to push yourself later in life having to compete with people younger and hungrier than you. Try young and try hard will help minimise regret later.
Eh I'd say experiment if you want, but be responsible about it. Don't let it consume your life or have priority over family, friends, work, etc. If you're going to party, best to get it out of your system when you're young, when consequences are less impactful.
And if you do, do the fun stuff like weed, cocaine, shrooms, LSD, stuff like that. Don't fuck with the dangerous stuff like heroin, fentanyl, meth, or pills like xanax or other benzos. Also alcohol can be dangerous too.
Unless you are not in a mentally healthy place, or know you are susceptible to addiction. Then don't even try.
Coke belongs in your second list.
Yeah, way too much sugar.
"Cain't spell diabeetus without "Die.""
Doing drugs was good for me, but more than doing drugs was being selective about it. I smoked pot sparingly and dropped acid a few times when I was pretty sure I was in a good place mentally.
How did going to uni in your 20s instead of straight out of high school affect your ability to socialize? Did it introduce any sort of unique struggles or problems, and if so, how did you deal with them?
I feel like going straight after high school allows you to naturally join all the parties and clubs. Which will definitely help with socialising. But I’m not a party guy so I might’ve felt left out and alone anyway.
Going later I made friends with mostly people in their mid 20s too. Which was good because we were more focused on graduating so it was more productive. The friendships I made felt tight and not a flash in a pan or party based. But that really depends on the people you meet.
I think it’s still worth going to uni straight after high school unless you have a good reason not to. What I can say is deciding to go later for career prospects is also great and not too late at all.
One tip, say yes more than you say no.
Of course, there are exceptions, but try to say yes more than you’d initially want. If coworkers are going out for drinks after work, but you’d rather go home and stream/game/etc, go out. Same for other social activities.
Get fit by finding something you enjoy that gets your heart going, track your spending, learn cook healthy meals, listen well and develop empathy. Good things will come.
Find exercise that's fun, that you will continue to do for the rest of your life. Exercise regularly. You don't need to get swole, but it staves off mental health better than anything.
Compare beers to sodas. If you would feel odd drinking 5 sodas in a row, you should feel odd drinking 5 beers in a row. Don't be the last guy at the bar/party.
Just build healthy daily habits.
A good beer tastes much nicer than most soft drinks though, and in some cases may well be healthier.
Don't have kids until your 30s.
And don't feel the need to have kids in your 30s either.
Then enjoy your fourties while the parents get ground down by the unreasonable burdens of raising kids.
Let go of the small things and just be. It's not exactly "don't give a fuck," but it's close. Aim for meeting people and going out to do things, not necessarily specific people or popular things, just good people and things that are fun for you outside of the house. Realize you will grow and change a lot in your 20s, and so will everyone around you; so if you have a huge crush on someone your age that doesn't like you back that way, then tell yourself you might really dislike them in 5 years so it's not a big loss if they don't like you now. It's also OK to let friends go if you have an attraction to them that isn't returned, because you have to protect your mental health. It's OK to not drink or do drugs, but it's also OK to drink and do drugs... just don't do either to extremes and don't be extreme about not doing drugs/alcohol. Try joining clubs for different things, even things you've never done. Realize most people don't have things figured out in their 20s and that you can make mistakes. Make mistakes. Be well-rounded. It's cool to play video games and DnD, but don't JUST do that (especially if you want to meet women). Get clothes that fit properly, not necessarily expensive or cool clothes. A completely plain t-shirt that fits well (go to Target and buy every color of their Goodfellow everywhere V-neck T for $8 each) plus a pair of jeans that aren't baggy and some Adidas shoes is an outfit you can wear everyday that will look good and is so comfortable.
really depends on the drug imo... It is like playing the lottery... I know people who have permanent health issues (ie - halucinations) now as a result of cannabis and my father died of an OD and got started on hard drugs via a laced joint. I'm not going to be an asshole about it but I really wouldn't recommend doing drugs.
And that's totally your choice, but if you judge or avoid others because of their choices then you will be limiting who will be comfortable hanging out with you.
On the other hand, I know plenty of people who get high daily and hold down jobs, families, etc without issue. We've all got andecdotes, they mean nothing compared to actual hard data.
Take care of yourself, dress in a way that makes you look your best, and pursue what you want. Also be fun to be around. Moderately attractive and fun beats out hot and miserable nearly every time