this post was submitted on 07 May 2025
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Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

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[–] finitebanjo@lemmy.world 21 points 15 hours ago (4 children)

Gorrillas weigh between 219 and 600 lbs

According to Guiness World Records they can lift 1800 lbs.

They have an arm span of over 8 ft.

Feel free to try it but spend some time putting your estate on order, first.

[–] dejected_warp_core@lemmy.world 1 points 1 hour ago* (last edited 16 minutes ago)

they can lift 1800 lbs.

For a real-world comparison, ever try to move someone that's passed out? That's probably in the ballpark of 200lbs.

Now imagine lifting six people at once.

Current world records for a deadlift top out just shy of 1200 lbs.

Feel free to try it but spend some time putting your estate on order, first.

OP is definitely going to need a beefy insurance policy, a last will, and a pre-ordered coffin. Maybe they get ahead of the game and just give someone full power of attorney the day before. Assuming they stay in one piece, it's possible that they could survive, but they're going to need a new skeleton and a few vital organs to pull that off.

[–] Akasazh@feddit.nl 4 points 6 hours ago (1 children)

Assuming Anon has an estate to put in order... smh my head.

[–] Blackmist@feddit.uk 4 points 2 hours ago

Look, Jim-Bob needs to know whether he's getting to contents of that trailer or not.

[–] Jankatarch@lemmy.world 8 points 9 hours ago

Don't forget the bite force. Monkeys bite.

[–] Maiq@lemy.lol 8 points 13 hours ago

An orangutan could grab a man by his feet and head and tear him in half, honestly i kind of doubt that the biggest most well trained man could even take on a chimpanzee and win without a weapon.