vestmoria

I've been working at my hospital for 2 years already.

I first applied to several wards in the same, huge hospital, most managers didn't bother to answer me, one agreed an interview with me, only to send me the second in charge, who told me about several units were I could work at, but he offered me no position.

There was one manager however who made it easy for me to shadow several nurses in several units. She was my first manager.

Long story short, managers started moving elsewhere, new manager comes in, I don't trust this new manager, applied to be transferred, yesterday my transfer was approved to another ward with a manager who seems to be nice, but everyone is nice 'till they stop being such.

And I wonder if I should, sometime in the future, apply to those wards managed by the same people that 2 years ago rejected and outright ignored me, because it's always good to have a plan b on the back burner and I'm running out of managers within my hospital I haven't interviewed with.

On one side: no, applying again is a waste of time as they made pretty clear what they think of you and people don't change. You are effectively blacklisted.

On the other side... I don't know.

on the one hand this is what I said I wanted. The truth is more nuanced: I'm not quitting the job neither most of my coworkers: I'm quitting my manager and some childish coworkers.

on the other hand, why do I have the one to quit to keep my sanity? It's not fair.

It sucks that the ones who give attention to the manager are the ones in good graces with her and that the quiet one who works when they go smoking and gossiping gets ignored, unrecognized and treated worse because he doesn't want to play office politics.

A rational person would understand the difference between the things I can change and what I cannot change, but a part of me is still screaming for vengeance.

What I said on other posts about being scared still applies.

her mother died 2 weeks ago.

I told her I'm sorry but after thinking about what to say I couldn't come with anything better than repeating sorry again. She then told me and another coworker how she died.

I want to show her that I care but I don't want her mother's death to become the elephant in the room each time we talk.

This is not romantic in any way.

I don't know if I should change the title to 'does unbiased media exist?'

I just found out a Washington Post cartoonist quit after a Bezos satire she draw was rejected.

I was until today a reader of said newspaper, but after this kind of censorship I don't know if I should keep reading it.

Note that I'm not looking for media sources that fabricate outrage either for the left or for the right or news sources whose business model is to editorialize titles to work people up. I'm just looking for unbiased media sources.

Maybe this was a stupid question: everyone is biased, or am I wrong?

people do not quit jobs, they quit managers and I personally would like to quit some coworkers.

Basically the manager says in public that I'm good and passionate about the job but privately she writes the opposite. She never talked to me about what I need to improve, if anything. And then has the gall to tell me to trust her if I want to open up to her. Two faced, not to trust.

I only found out when another manager read to me what she wrote about me.

I was never good at playing office politics. FWIW I don't like the job, I do it because I need money and I'm good at it.

I'm not implying every nurse or doctor does this, but couldn't come up with a better title.

A cognizant patient is above all a free person. A free person is free to accept and to deny care, whatever may come. It's his life, let him live his life as he sees fit. Explain, educate, inform and then ask: do you understand that if we don't do this you may die / lose a limb / lose your liver / fall down and have a stroke and end up bed bound if we're lucky enough to save your life?

I don't understand the logic playing mental gymnastics to make a patient stay at a unit because the nurse or doctor in charge are convinced it's in the patient's best interest to do so, even when after education he wants to leave. I'm the odd one at my unit, as most of my coworkers do vehemently disagree with me, as they expect me to provide care AND to care. They feel they lost if a patient leaves against medical advice.

To me it looks like they don't understand individual freedom and forget that a patient is still a free person. I wouldn't want to be my coworkers' patient.

You cannot stop grown ups from making stupid choices. The cognizant patient gets to decide his answer. Not a nurse or doctor convinced they get to decide for the patient.

Another problem I see: say you force a cognizant patient to stay at your unit because you are convinced you are doing the right thing. Why do you think he's going to be a pleasant patient to work with? People lash out when they feel trapped and they insult and punch personnel. What's the point?

Punched coworkers will call in sick and start looking for jobs elsewhere, some insulted ones too.

Wouldn't it be better to inform, document, let him leave, move on?

I've tried the serenity prayer without god and I'm reading the subtle art of not giving a f*ck, but it's not enough. The book is good though.

There are still moments when people really piss me off and while I'd like that not to affect me, my first instinct is still to feel anger and to hate the jackass making my life or work difficult. Sometimes I'd like to punch him in the face.

It could be the plumber who doesn't come on the agreed day, the technician who 'repaired' a tv set, only to have the same issue the next day, a coworker who keeps yelling when I'm trying to work and even after asking him not to be loud, blatantly ignores me or coworkers who importunate me with stupid questions about my weekend.

A strategy I'm going to use now at the workplace is to ignore every non related job question from these people and only answer when they ask something job related. As for the plumber, the hate usually subsides after 2 days, but I'd like to be more resilient, not to jump to anger and hate so easily.

It's like I'm emotionally very easy to trigger.

I don't know if you agree with this sentence: A person who yells does it because he doesn't have power to modify a situation to his advantage, because he is powerless.

This is how I feel sometimes.

I believe this is something only each of us can answer, because where each person draws the line is always going to be different, or am I wrong?

I don’t know if I’m being reasonable with my red lines:

My parents are conservative Mexican. I was raised with Christian dogmas and clear social roles (men don’t cook or do the laundry, only women do). To my parents and people like them, family, or what they think of as family, comes always first: It is imperative we all meet several times a year, even if you don’t want to, because that’s what we’re supposed to do. I’m expected to attend, to pretend I like my extended family (people I have nothing in common with), to “do it for them” (for my parents, in the past this form of emotional manipulation worked, since 4 months it doesn’t anymore). I hated that as a child and if I ever have children I won’t put them to such BS.

My grandfather was mentally ill and insulted me, my siblings and my mother for most of my childhood until he died, while my father enabled that pos. In Mexico it is expected that families take care of such issues within the family, because asking for help elsewhere means the family loses face. I’ve already told my parents that if they ever become psychologically unstable and start insulting and ranting no stop, I’m not going to take care of them, I’m calling APS. I don’t know if they registered it when I said it.

Maybe because I was raised in such a strict, self censoring and conformist family I now want to defend my independence at any cost. Cue meeting people halfway or being a doormat.

If a woman I’m dating asks me to do “something for her”, my first instinct will be to run no looking back and ghost. If I stay trying to convince her that’s not a good idea explaining why, that means in my book she already manipulated me into listening to her and that she can keep manipulating me. I don’t know if this is self sabotage, but I see it as self defense.

If a woman I’m dating asks me about my parents and the issue of providing for elderly parents is discussed, it wouldn’t make any sense to sugarcoat it, I’d say what I just wrote here. If she accuses me of being a psychopath and starts with “they’re your parents”, as if that was a reason good enough to forgive everything in the past, I’d run and ghost. I don’t know if you see this as self sabotage, but I see it as self defense.

There are other examples I’ve heard at the workplace over couple problems that to me are simply ludicrous and would make me want to run away:

he wanted Chinese, she wanted Mexican and couldn’t agree what restaurant to call. My solution would be to order what I want, telling my partner to order what she wants. Why must we order from the same restaurant? Why so much drama over something so insignificant? Or she can order what she wants and I can cook.

She made weekend plans without telling him beforehand, he wanted to rest, grab a beer, go fishing and do nothing else. She wanted to have lunch with another couple (double date), he said no, because he wanted a quiet weekend and suggested she goes alone with the couple. She started yelling about not doing things together.

But why must couples do everything together? Why is doing things separately not a good idea? He gets his peace and she gets to socialize.

If meeting somebody halfway means doing something I don’t want to do, I don’t want a relationship with this person.

If a person I’m dating feels entitled to try to change me, I don’t see how a relationship would work. Am I a narcissist?

this is a continuation to my post 'where do you draw the line if you ponder quitting a job?'

manager is now 'helping' me find a position elsewhere, but I believe she dislikes me so much she wants me gone asap. Her friends have turned to silent treatment mode. Each day, she asks me if I've interviewed already. It's like she wants me to have a new job lined up before Christmas already.

it's starting to sink in that she doesn't want me, but I'm not so sure I want to quit:

I know it doesn't make any sense. As said, I dislike 30% of my coworkers and if I've already told management with my union representative present that as soon as I find something else I quit, I should be consequent and do that. I dislike getting up at 4:30 to get to work at 06:00, yet this is the kind of life I know, the routines I've grown to be used to, this gives me a feeling of security, even though I come here so often to rant and complain about my job and my coworkers.

Can you believe I'm thinking about politely asking this manager if we can work things out? I must really be bipolar.

I don't understand why I'm so incoherent. I'm the drama queen now.

I feel like a child who postured and lost.

Every crisis is an opportunity, people say, but even though I should think like this and boldly leave, I'm scared that my new position will be as bad or worse than the old one, the same drama, the same backstabbing and playing favorites. It would be really tiring to get out of the frying pan to get into the fire.

And, should I change?

I'm 38 years old, single, not interested in starting a family (my mother was a drama queen and I couldn't live that again with a partner or a child), don't own any property, not really a consumerist person, I max my 401k and save 70% of my net income because most of the stuff society tells me to buy is irrelevant to me (I still own clothes I bought 20 years ago and they still fit me), don't need a car and use a bike or public transportation, I prefer to cook at home because it's cheaper and I can choose what I cook. I stopped drinking alcohol 10 years ago. I'm definitively not an extrovert.

I majored in philosophy because I liked it and I still do, but never found a job with my major. I tried being a high school teacher, but teenagers are way too much for me. Nursing, what I do now, is a versatile and safer job, even if I think it's slowly killing me.

I feel cheated in life.

For 15 years I lived paycheck to paycheck paying off my debt, often having to move due to increased rent so this might be my way of coping with trauma. I still feel I'm way behind most people my age. I feel like a loser because I imagine them knowing better than me what they want in life.

It's true that comparison is the thief of joy, but I cannot stop ruminating about this.

If you read my post history you'll realize I don't really care about my job, but stay because I need a paycheck and I like having a big rainy day fund. If I was a millionaire, I'd stop working. I don't like any job.

It might be true that I'm autistic, because close human connections where never that important to me and most people I work with are not close to me, but as I'm nearing 40 I'm starting to think if my destiny is going to be to live and die alone in a nursing home. Sometimes this scares me, but I always go back to my apathetic, indifferent self, like I'm on some kind of drug that makes me not feel anything, neither good or bad, like my emotional brain is underdeveloped.

What I don't want to be is this desperate loner craving for any kind of human attention turning to post his whole life online hoping a good Samaritan comes and saves me. First because it's pathetic and secondly because that's never a good foundation to build a friendship, I'd be inviting a predator, another crazy loner, a newborn Christian to save me with god, somebody trying to scam me with a MLM scheme or an antivaxer into my life. And I'm not a 20 year old discovering the world, I'm almost 40.

Every woman I've been attracted to has ignored me and every woman that showed an interest in me wasn't good enough to me: she could be eager to make a connection, put an interest, even pretty and genuine but I cannot fake being in love or feeling attraction. I always ended up considering them as friends or acquaintances. I'm too old and too introverted (autistic?) to visit a club and try to impress a woman to go out with me.

I don't think this is depression, depression would be me not going to work not even calling in sick.

It seems clear I need a friend, but I don't know how to make friends anymore. I focused so much on surviving that I stopped caring about anyone else.

I'm very confused about quitting my current position as a nurse. This is not a typical one man job, but you need a team. I'm pondering staying for some members of the team:

I get along with 40% of the staff, 30% of staff are absolute slackers who master the social game and get away doing way less than the rest and go smoking with my manager, who enjoys and needs the attention. I'm indifferent to the other 30%, who also work well.

I know I may not sound like a reliable narrator, it's just that I don't want to get anywhere near this 30% of lazy, childish, gossip staff.

I had a meeting with management with my union representative present. Long story short, I told management as soon as I find a new job within the same hospital system, I'd stop working at my current unit with my manager. She forgives the ones she likes and treats me differently, I'm not likable and being forced to give attention to people I'm indifferent to is very tiring. I'm there to work, she seems to expect I give her attention and stop doing my job to ask about her weekend. Not gonna happen.

Day 1 post meeting: manager and all her friends ignore me, go somewhere else when I enter the room.

Day 3 post meeting: friendly call from manager asking if I can come in on a free day, cause somebody called in sick.

Every other interaction with my manager since day 3 has been friendly, which is something new.

I have no problem working with people who understand they're at a workplace to work, because we all need the money and want to go home afterwards, it's the lazy ones that sit, talk and then expect me to do their job the ones I hate with a burning passion.

Since the meeting I've decided to use my current unit to learn as much as I can before I (possibly?) leave. Not because I suddenly feel this is a calling, but because the more I know about my field, the easier is gonna be to find a new job, either within my system or in a new one. I've also discovered I like explaining patients what happens to their bodies after their operation and how medicines work.

But I don't dislike the whole unit, I just want to keep my manager at a distance and don't work with that 30% of slackers.

It's wearing me down.

Due to reasons I'm a nurse.

Possibly not the best choice for an introvert who wants to work and go home, but it is what it is.

I had a conversation with management and they told me I don't open up, which is fair and true and told me to be more empathetic with my coworkers.

Except that I can't and I don't care about most of them. As said, I just want to work and go home. I consider most of them childish, gossipy and immature. Of course I didn't tell management this.

I told them an extrovert is not who I am, if you force me to open up, I cannot disconnect during my pause and I'm going to work worse. I like doing my pause only when I've done my job whereas my other coworkers do their pause sooner, no matter if patients are cared for, which I don't understand but whatever. Some people including my manager think I do that to avoid them. No, I just want to do my job before I relax. And I relax alone.

They believe this is a choice. When my coworkers talk and talk, they overload me and I just want to work and go home.

I'm constantly misunderstood. My job shouldn't be to give attention to my coworkers or to management, yet here I am.

I'm applying for jobs elsewhere but I'm afraid I'm going to have this problem wherever I go, simply because most people in nursing are gossips and enjoy attention. This is what I fear the most, having to constantly change workplaces due to perceived slights and office theatrics I don't want to play and I'm so not good at playing.

Masking up and creating a workplace bubbly persona would destroy my mental health. Too much overload.

I'm not in a position where I can study something else, cause nothing interests me that much and I need money now.

Ideally I'd find a workplace that respects who I am without incurring a heavy financial penalty, but don't know what nursing option would give me that.

What I also don't want to do is to create a job interview persona, because sooner or later the real me will surface, a person extroverts don't want to work with. I'd like to go to a job interview telling them exactly this, that I'm not there to socialize but to work and go home and that I want to do my job but this doesn't mean I'm letting them exploit me (giving me a bigger workload than to other nurses for example).

I want to come clean to any future employer about this. Should I?