sprigatito_bread

joined 4 months ago
 

I'm interested in egalitarian heterosexual romances where it feels like the partners are best buddies. They don't care about societal expectations and will often do gender non-conforming things just out of happenstance. There's a vibe of casual playfulness and spontaneity, with neither partner taking themselves too seriously. They have a lot in common and feel like equals, not dominant/submissive. Both partners initiate and receive affection and feel intense love and passion for one another.

I don't want to see the same old tired gender expressions; I want to see guys who are super warm and bubbly and women who are playful and tomboyish, guys who are shy and sensitive and women who are outgoing and assertive, and all kinds of other variations that don't get so much representation. I like the idea of buddies who have a natural chemistry instead of a "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus" dichotomy. Both partners can be sweet, both partners can be silly goofballs, and both partners can share many of the same personality traits in differing amounts and contexts.

I've seen communities like "gentle femdom" and "role reversal," and while there is certainly some overlap with what I'm talking about, they feature a gender dichotomy and power dynamics, which don't appeal to me. Do I want permission as a man to be soft and cute and pampered by my partner? Of course! Does that mean I want to adopt inverted gender roles and become her subordinate? No, not at all.

I'm attracted to the idea of mutual relationships where partners are free to embrace nonconformity, but in a way that rejects prescribed social roles and hierarchy entirely instead of boxing people into new ones. Both partners respect and care for one another, and acts are done explicitly to please the other in a mutual give and take. Both partners have complex emotions and personality traits that do not fall along arbitrary gendered lines.

The ideal is a relationship that feels so authentic and natural that gender expectations fade away in favor of two people complementing one another in their own special way.

Does anyone know any books, media, or online spaces that fit the bill? Personally, as a gentle sensitive sweetheart kind of guy, I'd appreciate material that I feel represented in, but even just nonconforming straight couples in general would be super based. Thanks!

[–] sprigatito_bread@lemmy.world 3 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

I could definitely see them screwing it up and censoring too much. Like for example, if criticizing corporations or corporate greed was censored, I think there could be right-wing backlash too. Complaining about getting ripped off or screwed over is just a part of life, regardless of whether or not people ask deeper questions about the system.

My entire immediate family is far-right, which, aside from being terrifying, allows me to get an idea of how some of these people think. It turns out, they DO have some anti-corporate sentiment, but only for those who fall outside of the perceived right-wing populist umbrella. Apparently, only those billionaires are the evil greedy ones and theirs are the good ones. Nonetheless, that could be a potential hazard for corporations who find themselves on the wrong side of popular support, where they are no longer protected by an anti-establishment perception.

 

I've been thinking of potential measures that corporate-controlled authoritarian governments could use against any kind of left-wing information or organizing, and it seems like an obvious one is a sudden, widespread crackdown on left-wing content. In practice, social media companies would collude with the government to:

  • Wipe out all left-wing social media profiles and ban left-wing rhetoric under the justification that it is "terrorism-related content".
  • Block access to thousands of left-wing sites at once and de-list them from search engines
  • Update content moderation algorithms to prevent more of this content from being published or recommended
  • Do all of these on the same day to cause the most disorientation and fear
  • Continually go after the hosts of the niche left-wing news and communication channels that still remain, such as small websites, fediverse instances, and encrypted communication channels. Throw their operators in prison and make examples out of them

In effect, due to the centralized nature of social media and news, the online left could instantly be scattered through the collusion of just a few large corporations.

It would:

  • Galvanize the populist right-wing base
  • Stoke feelings of fear, isolation, and hopelessness among the opposition, deterring action
  • Weaken the left's ability to organize
  • Make it harder for people to learn about real left-wing ideas and stances

Why wouldn't they take that opportunity?

The bulk of online left-wing activity could instantly be wiped out in a single day. Why am I not hearing more people talking about that? Why do so many left-leaning people think sites like BlueSky will save them? Do they really think they are resisting by using centralized social media platforms? The corporatocracy has complete control over all of the infrastructure...

In my opinion, every influencer on the left should be screaming from the rooftops every single day that the most productive thing you can be doing is talking to people, building connections, and organizing in the real world, because our platform on the Internet could vanish instantaneously.

Anyway, I hope I'm wrong, but it feels like something that could easily happen. What are your thoughts?

[–] sprigatito_bread@lemmy.world 5 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (1 children)

Hey, I’ve seen you around before.

Perhaps it’s a bit nosy of me, and of course I don’t fully know what you’re going through, but I know there’s a real person on the other side suffering, and that’s the only thing that matters to me.

So I wanted to say that I’m thinking about you and I care about you. You have intrinsic worth no matter what anyone says. Even if you can’t find anyone to talk to in real life. Even if you get a bazillion downvotes and hateful comments on the Internet. It doesn’t change that fact one bit.

I remember years ago when I was in a really painful headspace, I would project my internal cynicism and attract negative attention on purpose in order to make other people affirm my self-hatred and belief that I deserved to suffer.

But I was hyperfocused on the negativity. I ignored the caring people who were concerned about me because it didn’t support my internal narrative that everyone hated me and therefore I should hate myself too. I found comfort in hopelessness because it meant that I didn’t have to be vulnerable anymore. I told myself that a bad outcome was guaranteed and therefore it’s never worth opening up or reaching out.

Most people who feel for you won’t speak up. That’s one of the reasons I believed nobody cared about me: I couldn’t see the evidence. People have to step up and be part of the evidence, so I might as well be one of them. Real life evidence is worth a lot more than Internet comments, but if my words have even a chance of helping you in some way, then writing this all out was completely worth it.

The single most healing moment in my life is when someone in real life offered to be that person for me, and she told me all of the things that she genuinely liked about me. I was an emotional wreck; I avoided talking to anyone, was woefully insecure, and felt like nobody could ever like me. She knew all of these things and chose to talk to me anyway. Her compliments canceled out all of the insults and rejections I had ever received and made me confident in myself for the first time. I have hope you can meet someone like that too. Mine showed up when I least expected it!

So maybe it’s none of my business, and maybe many of the things I said don’t apply to your situation, but I want to make it absolutely clear that, whoever you are, I care about you, and many other people do too. You deserve love, healing, and support. And I truly wish the best for you.

Hugs~

[–] sprigatito_bread@lemmy.world 11 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

Codswallop, dingus… these are abstract terms. You cannot argue with them. They cannot hate you.

Disagreements on the Internet happen when you argue with people (not abstractions).

(Sorry, I couldn't resist)

[–] sprigatito_bread@lemmy.world 3 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Recently I've been getting into making digital art and reading books. Though I haven't done much of either yet. These are new hobbies that I just discovered my enjoyment of and I'm just getting into them for the first time.

[–] sprigatito_bread@lemmy.world 5 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

The closest I had to this actually was my old workplace, but power dynamics, workplace stress, and a lack of shared purpose were my biggest problems.

Having your behavior controlled by management, friendly coworkers who suddenly become cold-hearted backstabbers if they find out they can gain financially from it, etc

Stressful days where we were overworked also brought out the worst in everyone, including me at the time, which was also not fun...

Depending on the job, there could also just be a lot of people who don't want to be there other than for the money, and in those cases, there isn't really a uniting greater purpose that everyone believes in.

I think it might work for some people, but the conditions have to be right. For me personally, the corrosive and anti-social influence of money makes me wary of really trusting or connecting with people on a genuine level in work environments.

[–] sprigatito_bread@lemmy.world 15 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

Well then, I guess if I were to rephrase the question, I'd ask:

Where are some places or contexts where you can find a group of 5-30 people who meet regularly, generally feel connected to one another, and won't spend the whole time staring at their phones?

 

Preferably in real life and without religion or alcohol.

[–] sprigatito_bread@lemmy.world 5 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

Nah, they just haven't realized that they actually CAN if they're willing to band together and fight anyone who tries to stop them

I just didn't have to deal with homophobes before middle school lol

Nobody can stop your cuddle party if you've got the bigger army >:3

[–] sprigatito_bread@lemmy.world 5 points 2 weeks ago

Rural Ohio... I don't recommend it

[–] sprigatito_bread@lemmy.world 10 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (5 children)

The last day I hugged my best friend in elementary school, because it was the final time two male friends could openly love one another without being questioned or ostracized... sigh.

EDIT: The last time in the region I grew up in, which seems to be more on the conservative hellhole side of things