eupraxia

There's no direct one-size-fits-all solution because mental illness is complex and very personal. Anecdotally, depression can be more of a symptom than the underlying root cause in a lot of cases, especially if trauma is involved. A good therapist and support from peers is invaluable for identifying deeper causes and patterns. On a day-to-day level, depressed people may need gentle encouragement from someone in their proximity, something to break their routine in a positive way, support if they're frustrated with what little they're able to accomplish, and help breaking down big tasks into small pieces that they can more easily summon the energy for.

Medication can certainly help, as well as exercise and diet - but if someone's not there yet, simply pointing to those and treating someone like they're just not putting the effort in is extremely damaging. It reinforces the catastrophization that can occur and makes people feel like they'll never be able to take control of their lives and it's their fault. And if deeper causes are involved, they may not be able to explore those around someone telling them to just exercise more.

that an offer, or...?

wait wait wait, but I'm on the internet! :o

This is an emotionally difficult subject that stems from deeply held personal beliefs about the meaning of life, parental relationships, and the responsibilities associated with them. Castigating blanket judgements and reading evil intent into people's choices helps no one.

I'm truly happy you have a good relationship with your mom and have a desire to take care of her when she gets older. I once planned to do the same, and still mourn not being able to have that kind of relationship with mine. She did sacrifice a lot to raise me and gave it her best effort and honestly did great in a lot of ways.

Unfortunately, at some point this idea of "gratitude" became a way to exert control over my life. At some point, it became less about respecting the gift of life, and more about holding me accountable for a debt I never asked for and guilting me into following a path she felt would reflect well on her. I'm sad to say, but there's absolutely no way this would work out if I tried to take care of her later in life. Expecting direct control over my life due to the debt from just existing would not lead to a stable environment and she is therefore much better off with professionals.

This is not an unempathetic or easy decision, but it's the best one. Because sometimes relationships are hard and painful and don't work out like how "family values" tell you they're supposed to go and all the gratitude in the world can't fix toxic relationships. People are more complicated than that.

I needed to read this, thank you!! Been healing from some related fallout with my birth family, and figuring out what that means for me and my life going forward. I now recognize the damage one can potentially do by finding their life's meaning through their kids. Not only does it make the child emotionally responsible for the parent, it also leads to inevitable blowout when expectations aren't met.

I have no desire to repeat that damage and can't conceive anyway so kids no longer factor into my life. It's opened a number of other wonderful and fulfilling opportunities, but the FOMO and fear of isolation when I get older definitely gets to me sometimes. I'm the youngest person I know by a lot... gonna need to fix that in the next 40 years or so or life's going to get real depressing. I want to, in some small way, help build the world that comes after me, and rescinding parenthood means figuring out what the hell that even means now, and that's terrifying. Maybe I'll teach someday, or something.

In the US at least, it really depends on adopting infants vs. foster care. Most adopt infants, and there's generally more prospective parents than infants. Foster care tends to be more challenging, so there's less parents willing to adopt them.

It always depends but tbh I hope you feel free to use whatever terminology you find useful to describe yourself! and I think there's no valor that can be stolen, identity is what you make for yourself. It's always a joy to learn someone I know is queer in any form. Lots of us have had times where we've doubted how we describe ourselves too and gatekeeping labels doesn't tend to help anyone. You will come across people who do here and there, I did myself, but in my super objective opinion they're annoying, smell bad, and stifle people just trying to figure themselves out. Labels are just tools for further conversation and more people using queer labels is a good thing.

"As a child, I once considered such unknowns sinister. Now, though, I understand they bear no ill will. The universe is, and we are." - Solanum, Outer Wilds

+1 to this for sure. Applies for gender identity too. Speaking just for myself, the longer it's been since I transitioned the less my actual labeled identity has mattered, to the point that these days I just say "nonbinary" and move on. It's what makes a lot of the "what is a woman" rhetoric baffling, given the label and definition matters so little in day to day life.

My bf comes off pretty much straight, but he describes himself as pansexual and attracted to feminine people. It's cool to see him engage with the queer community despite being more or less able to "pass" as cishet if he wanted to, and his nebulous labeling was really helpful in settling my nerves as a newly-out trans woman. Less worrying about whether or not I was woman enough, more just hearing him say he likes me and that's that.

Was just about to post IDLES here myself. It goes and it goes and it goes

But I want red-red, not orange-red! It's not the same thing!!

Yep absolutely!

For me, it felt like my life was quickly progressing away from a youth I was not ready to leave for inexplicable reasons. In the end I ended up taking a nuclear option once I realized how uncomfortable I was with my future, and while it's not been easy it's been absolutely worth it.

Even though you may be stuck in the same habits and mistakes, they can be rewritten and you'll be surprised how quickly life changes once you find what makes you authentically happy. A lot can happen in 3 years and I guarantee you'll still be young at 24. You can still be young at twice that. There's a lot of life ahead of you, especially once you take calculated risks to improve your future and make the most of the youth you still have. You may not know what exactly will make you happy, but trust in yourself and your judgement to find it as you go.