Navy SEAL is an acronym. Doesn’t count.

Purple? Did you misspell lavender?

I can’t stress how important this is: babysitting does not, in fact, involve sitting on baby.

For real. Once I retire in a decade or so, I’ll try to live off social security for as log as possible, but once I need to dip into my savings, I’m just tapping my kid’s inheritance. At that point, death is the only financially rational option.

Has Musk ever denied hiding the body of a murdered prostitute in the spacesuit that’s in the car he shot into space?

Yeah, that’s not a danish, that’s an entire cake. It’s 14 ounces.

A lot fewer people could move to Wyoming and give the Dems 2 more senators.

Their idea of a “tech worker” is an angel investor

They probably just need a drink. Offer them a Molotov Cocktail.

Zeno. The name is Zeno.

Keep in mind that “and benefits” is doing so much work here, it should get its own union rep.

I’m trying to picture wearing a sock on one foot, and underwear on the other…