this post was submitted on 10 Dec 2023
71 points (93.8% liked)

Asklemmy

42609 readers
748 users here now

A loosely moderated place to ask open-ended questions

Search asklemmy πŸ”

If your post meets the following criteria, it's welcome here!

  1. Open-ended question
  2. Not offensive: at this point, we do not have the bandwidth to moderate overtly political discussions. Assume best intent and be excellent to each other.
  3. Not regarding using or support for Lemmy: context, see the list of support communities and tools for finding communities below
  4. Not ad nauseam inducing: please make sure it is a question that would be new to most members
  5. An actual topic of discussion

Looking for support?

Looking for a community?

~Icon~ ~by~ ~@Double_A@discuss.tchncs.de~

founded 5 years ago
MODERATORS
 

Think about how you have treated both strangers and people you know to answer this question accurately. e.g.: If you say you like people but constantly avoid talking or doing any activity with other people do you actually like people?

top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] mdhughes@lemmy.ml 51 points 7 months ago

I mean, have you met themβ€½

[–] halykthered@lemmy.ml 38 points 7 months ago

This quote from Men In Black sums it up for me: "A person is smart. People are dumb, panicky dangerous animals and you know it."

[–] Drusas@kbin.social 35 points 7 months ago (1 children)

I dislike them as a group / species but give each individual the benefit of the doubt.

I do believe that, in general but not exclusively, humans are selfish, short-sighted, and greedy. But I still treat individuals with kindness.

[–] GFGJewbacca@lemm.ee 7 points 7 months ago

That always makes me think of this great moment from "Men In Black."

[–] livus@kbin.social 21 points 7 months ago (2 children)

Flawed premise. I mean I like polar bears but I avoid doing any activity with them.

[–] AndrasKrigare@beehaw.org 2 points 7 months ago (1 children)
[–] livus@kbin.social 2 points 7 months ago

@AndrasKrigare I wish I could upvote this twice!

[–] AnneBonny@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 points 7 months ago (1 children)

You like the idea of polar bears.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] DirigibleProtein@aussie.zone 18 points 7 months ago

β€œYou wouldn’t know it, from some of the things I’ve said over the years, but I like people. I do. I like people, but I like them in short bursts. I don’t like people for extended periods of time. I’m ok with them for a short period of time, but once you get up past around a minute, minute and a half, I gotta get the fuck out of there. And my reason for this is one that you may share, possibly β€” I have a low tolerance level for stupid bullshit.” - George Carlin

[–] OmenAtom@lemmy.world 12 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Ive been hurt too many times to trust basically anyone. I treat people how i wish theyd treat me, but i dont like them

[–] spedswir@lemmy.world 7 points 7 months ago

This exactly my feelings too. Keep treating people nicely, but you see enough shit every day to make you not like people in general

[–] JIMMERZ@lemm.ee 9 points 7 months ago (1 children)

People as a whole I dislike, however some individuals are great.

[–] CrabAndBroom@lemmy.ml 2 points 7 months ago

Yeah I've got like 5-10 people I like, everyone else can get fucked lol

[–] Chobbes@lemmy.world 9 points 7 months ago (2 children)

I feel like your example is pretty judgemental. You can absolutely like people but rather do your own thing most of the time, or not want to bother people. Or maybe you’re not much of a talker or whatever. I think it’s best not to prescribe how people should behave, it can be super alienating.

[–] centof@lemm.ee 2 points 7 months ago

Maybe you're right. I'm certainly not an expert by any means.

The point I was trying to make is that we have a tendency to see ourselves in a biased way. We lie to ourselves all the time about who we are and what we want.

If you can step out of your own head and judge yourself based upon your actions instead of based on how you think of yourself you can hopefully see yourself in a more accurate way.

I don't believe I prescribed any behavior. I gave the example to encourage thinking about how you value people based on your actions.

[–] southsamurai@sh.itjust.works 8 points 7 months ago

People in general are idiots. People in large groups are even bigger idiots. Most organized groups of people are assholes.

However, individuals can be quite lovely. Or they can be like the above listing; idiots and/or assholes. Individually, I don't mind the risk of running into the unpleasant ones too much. There's always the chance that I'll run into the pleasant ones, so I don't automatically avoid individuals.

But groups? Fuck that shit, not without multiple weapons on me and a clear escape route. Even online, once got get groups going, the tide shifts to idiotic assholery at quantum speeds. It takes effort to not do it, and most people are too damn lazy to be decent online.

What's funny? People irl fucking like me. I'm chill on the surface, I'm friendly and polite. I'm outright fucking charming. But that comes along with the assholes and idiots (or idiotic assholes) thinking that I'm the same kind of person they are, and showing their real self.

And that's even with the fact that I don't shake hands, and enforce a personal space of about four feet, just beyond arm's reach unless I have no other choice. Assertively enforced at that. I'll calmly and politely state that I prefer strangers stay far enough away that they can't touch me, nor I them. And they fucking like that! The few that take it as a joke and decide to press it get stopped gently, and told that I'll have to assume they mean me harm if they don't stop. And they like that!

It's fucking crazy.

I'm not saying everyone always likes me, but it's a rare thing when I don't end up listening to people I just met, often until I have to assert the fact that I need to leave because my body can't handle it.

I don't mind that, it just always surprises me how willing people are to show their ugliest sides so often. Like, the decent people, you expect because people tend to want to be liked. But the casual racism is so fucking common. The political rants that turn into literal spit flying from mouths.

People are fucking idiots and/or assholes. But it is just so damn rewarding when you find the ones that aren't, or at least try not to be. When you find those people, you fucking cherish it.

So, in general, I don't like people, no.

[–] zib@kbin.social 8 points 7 months ago

When I have no choice but to interact with people, I do my best to treat them with respect. However, I would say I'm generally ambivalent toward people overall and do my best to avoid them. I'm just not a social person and I never will be. Being forced into social settings is exceptionally stressful to me.

[–] sholomo@lemmy.ml 8 points 7 months ago

I think my thoughts on people are like a quote by Dennis e Taylor "I like people on the abstract but not in the concrete"

[–] ArbitraryValue@sh.itjust.works 8 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago) (1 children)

I don't like being physically close to almost anyone, and especially not to strangers. It's ok when each person has his own assigned space and everything is orderly and quiet, like on a plane or in a movie theater, but being in a crowd is both kind of disgusting and also upsetting in some other way which I don't know how to put into words - I just want to leave and I can't really express why. I can go into crowded places if I need to without freaking out, but afterwards I'm going to be in a bad mood for a while both because of the experience of being in a crowd and because of anger at the unfairness of the fact that for various reasons I live in a big city and I have to deal with all these... humans whenever I need to go outdoors.

So yeah, I guess you can say that I don't like people.

[–] pugsnroses77@sh.itjust.works 3 points 7 months ago

sounds like you dont hate the humans themselves but just the overwhelm of the crowds. i dont think thats abnormal.

[–] Rocky60@lemm.ee 7 points 7 months ago

I dislike people in general. It’s almost like there’s peer pressure to be hateful. When being kind is seen as a weakness, something is horribly wrong

[–] Nonameuser678@aussie.zone 6 points 7 months ago

I don't dislike people. They just confuse and overwhelm me and this is incredibly exhausting.

[–] qooqie@lemmy.world 6 points 7 months ago

I like people in general. I think once you get past any awkward beginnings most people are just that, people. There are people I dislike m, but definitely enjoy chatting with most people out there

[–] 1984@lemmy.today 6 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago) (1 children)

People are generelly superficial, fueled by their egos, and interested mostly in sexual activities.

I think in the western world, this is also promoted through Hollywood as normal behavior for a human being.

So what is there to like about human beings like that? I guess I'm more attracted to people with some kind of spiritual guidance, because at least they are working on who they are and trying to be a positive influence on the world.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] Damaskox@kbin.social 5 points 7 months ago

I have had way more positive interactions with people than negative ones.
Even strangers.

I also need people around for my well-being.

[–] Illuminostro@lemmy.world 5 points 7 months ago (1 children)

I love people. I talk to everyone, every chance I get.

[–] Drusas@kbin.social 4 points 7 months ago

And you are here, on the internet?! What a rare species. We must observe you.

[–] Kwakigra@beehaw.org 5 points 7 months ago

This is kind of like asking if I generally like or dislike all alligators. I'm fine with them and know enough about them not to enter the area where I know their instincts will tell them to prey on me. As long as I don't do that we get along fine. I have some very good friends and family and can capably manage everyone else. I'll even help someone who needs it while still being careful not to trigger those predatory instincts.

[–] jasep@lemmy.world 5 points 7 months ago (2 children)

"People are the worst"

-me

/s

[–] Drusas@kbin.social 3 points 7 months ago

Me with only half sarcasm. Or maybe 20% sarcasm. They are kind of objectively the worst.

[–] d3Xt3r@lemmy.nz 2 points 7 months ago (1 children)
[–] PipedLinkBot@feddit.rocks 1 points 7 months ago

Here is an alternative Piped link(s):

"People, what a bunch of bastards"

Piped is a privacy-respecting open-source alternative frontend to YouTube.

I'm open-source; check me out at GitHub.

[–] AlpineSteakHouse@hexbear.net 4 points 7 months ago

I hate their unconscious brains but I think their consciousness is okay.

Humans are driven more by unconscious monkey brain then they care to admit. The people they like, hate, and pay attention to are largely unconscious behaviors. In this way, a human in a social setting is pure animal. The personality and ego are mere tools used by the human organism to navigate these social situations.

The human organism is a unconscious, cruel thing that should be abandoned as soon as possible. The egos created from it are okay. But asking them to separate themselves is hard for the trained let alone the layman.

[–] ulkesh@beehaw.org 4 points 7 months ago

Generally speaking, people are selfish assholes. But on occasion, a person will surprise me by being genuinely nice and it really lightens my day.

An example just from today…

Driving to Best Buy, I had to watch as someone swerved in and out of a lane, with zero regard to their surroundings, as if they didn’t know where to go, just for them to go to the Best Buy.

I went to park, and no less than three cars were over the lines making it difficult to park next to them.

Then in Best Buy, I had to dodge numerous people walking down the aisles with their head down staring at their phones instead of watching where they were going.

At the end of the experience, we were checked out by an amazingly nice and cheerful person who paid attention and interacted with respect and interest. While I understand it’s part of their job to be nice, I feel this person went above and beyond and just spoke to us like a cool human being.

So now my day feels good simply because of that one person. It’s sad that so many are the complete opposite. And to be fair, I’m a grouch a lot, so I am being hypocritical in what I say here. It’s so tough for me to be bright and cheerful when surrounded by such immense hostility, obliviousness, and rudeness.

[–] Locuralacura@lemm.ee 4 points 7 months ago

People are awesome and exhausting at the same time. Socializing is like exercising. If I don't do it I feel horrible. If I do it too much without a break I feel horrible. If I do it just enough, then stop doing it and rest, it's nice. Moderation.

[–] Jonny@kbin.social 4 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago)

Going out and actually meeting people, I generally like them. You find most of the time they're also just trying to get through their lives and managing the best they can. There is a lot more love than hate out there, if you just but look.

Dealing with people in politics or other identity based topics. I would say strong dislike. You find people will hear what they want to hear and try and make your opinions fit in a pre labelled box. Strong beliefs also cause folks to turn a blind eye to evils in their own group. I just wish people were devoted to making these groups worthy of their unyielding support. The world may be a far, far better place.

I try to apply that last paragraph to myself as much as I can. My only exception is sports. I feel that is a safe space to let my inner tribalism have some freedom. But outside of that, I try to be most critical of my institutions and ideologies. In hopes I don't become the person I hate.

Sorry, I went on a bit of a ramble there.

[–] WittyProfileName2@hexbear.net 4 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago)

I operate on the assumption that the overwhelming majority of people are nice, though I've run into more than my fair share of strangers that are complete dickheads. It feels like I've run into way more people who treat me kindly than cruelly (but that just be my own biases affecting my recollection).

Problem is, interacting with other people is tiring and after a long day I just want to curl up and stop existing but people waiting for the bus want to chat and strangers stop me in the street to make small talk.

[–] the_q@lemmy.world 4 points 7 months ago

I genuinely don't care for people.

[–] jeena@jemmy.jeena.net 3 points 7 months ago

I like the people I already know. I don't like the people I don't know yet.

[–] showmustgo@hexbear.net 3 points 7 months ago

People are great until you put them in a car.

[–] agitatedpotato@lemmy.world 3 points 7 months ago

I try to remember that a lot of people are the way they are because of the conditions surrounding their existence, but that just depersonalizes my dislike for them in most cases, doesn't really make you like someone who you wouldn't otherwise.

[–] fubarx@lemmy.ml 3 points 7 months ago

Like, until proven otherwise.

[–] zeusbottom@sh.itjust.works 2 points 7 months ago

People are fine. I hope they all find happiness. I've never gotten the hang of the societal protocols, so I try to keep conversation professional and short.

[–] Monster96@lemmy.world 2 points 7 months ago

I don't really like nor do I dislike people. Having social anxiety as long as I have has taught me to have no strong opinions on people. I won't go out of my way to talk to people not because I don't like people but because I'm scared I'm going to say something stupid. So, I guess in a way I like people but my stupid brain makes it seem like I don't like people.

[–] The_Grinch@hexbear.net 2 points 7 months ago

I used to think I generally liked most people but it feels like covid made people go feral or something, the vibes are definitely off somehow. Just walking through the grocery store or anything in public feels much more tense than it used to and people are generally much more hostile.

[–] FartsWithAnAccent@lemmy.world 2 points 7 months ago

A little of column A, a little of column B: People are a mixed bag lol

[–] centof@lemm.ee 1 points 7 months ago

Based upon my actions, I tend to avoid people probably from a fear of judgement, and maybe partly because I think I am better than them because I like to think I'm more informed than them usually. I also like to think and tell myself that I like people even when I don't necessarily live up to that in reality. In general, I try to assume that people are good, while keeping in mind that they are inherently selfish.

Even if people say and have a lot of naive or ignorant viewpoints, I try to remind myself they may partly hold those viewpoints to feel better about themselves. Everyone wants to feel like they are important, and some people do that by tearing other people down. If the only way someone can feel better about themself is by telling themselves at least they aren't black, gay, trans, a lib, a commie, a repub, poor, etc. then they must have a pretty sad life.

[–] orgrinrt@lemmy.world 1 points 7 months ago

In general, I adore and like people. Capable of such beautiful things!

I like seeing people smile and interacting with them in order to absorb that light and shine it back. And if none seem to be there, I like to try and get one going.

But I get anxious where there are masses of people present. City streets. Malls. Campuses.

It’s not that I suddenly dislike people. I just get overwhelmed with my adhd and base quirks, too much stimuli and too much of everything going on everywhere.

I love people as individuals for the most part, i.e unless they specifically give a reason not to. Many do give that reason, unfortunately. But the vast majority never do, in my (privileged?) experience, which is amazing and exciting to me.

But I tend to avoid masses of people. Not because I dislike them, but because I dislike the anxiety I gain.

load more comments
view more: next β€Ί