this post was submitted on 22 Nov 2023
509 points (98.3% liked)

internet funeral

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[–] dojan@lemmy.world 100 points 10 months ago (2 children)

The U.S. has such shitty work conditions that I'm only about 90% sure this is a joke, and that's worrying.

[–] HonkTonkWoman@lemm.ee 35 points 10 months ago

Thank you for signing up for CVS Extra Care Text Message Super Alerts® for a fee of $15.99/month. We will send you text message alerts every thirty six seconds to alert you when you are not in a CVS, in the drive thru a line at a CVS, in the bathroom of a CVS, in a locally owned competitor, in a nationally owned competitor, or when you have just left a CVS. Your $15.99/month subscription entitles you to 11% discounts on open food items, cosmetics opened by other customers, toys that don’t work, candy currently under a mandatory manufacturer’s recall, medication that has been returned and probably tampered with, and black and white wallet sized prints; but only on Tuesdays between the hours of 2:30pm & 2:36pm. Additionally, your subscription entitles you to a 13% wage garnishment to pay for the pot hole in the parking lot that damaged your power steering line after hitting it while attempting to avoid a shopping cart shoved in front of your vehicle by Dale; who will also block your vehicle as he unloads the truck carrying the medication needed to fulfill the prescription that you came to pick up because we informed you it was filled by way of 6 emails, 11 phone calls & 8 text messages that you did not ask for. Also you have to pay every employee who manages to wear pants a $3 gratuity. Oh… and we’re out of that stuff you really needed too. Thank you for signing up for CVS Super Extra Double Care Super Text Message Super Alerts®

[–] otp@sh.itjust.works 10 points 9 months ago

It's to make sure that employees don't have their phones on them when they're in uniform!

[–] ryan@the.coolest.zone 39 points 10 months ago (1 children)

This program was sadly retired in 2020 during the pandemic, as the hosing rooms generally didn't allow for 6 feet of space. Most hosing rooms have since been converted into receipt paper overflow storage spaces. :(

[–] FullOfBallooons@leminal.space 14 points 10 months ago

My local CVS tried a system where you get to pull a string in one room and a big bucket of water dumps onto an employee in another room, but it just wasn't the same. It was missing that personal touch you only get with a one-on-one hose down.

[–] rifugee@lemmy.world 35 points 10 months ago

This is obviously fake. Just look at! It's only like 10 inches long. Everyone knows a real CVS receipt is 3ft minimum.

[–] NaoPb@eviltoast.org 26 points 9 months ago

It's always fun when you get your own receipt printer.

[–] giantfloppycock@lemm.ee 19 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Wait, damn, I thought I was getting the hose-down.

[–] NotSpez@lemm.ee 4 points 9 months ago

Get in line and apply for a job at CVS like the rest of us.

[–] Guy_Fieris_Hair@lemmy.world 16 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

I'll wait for the HOT cashier. You know the one.. the one that's still wet from the last hose down.

[–] DavidGarcia@feddit.nl 11 points 10 months ago
[–] Tau@sopuli.xyz 10 points 10 months ago (4 children)

I'm reading the comments and in all seriousness... is this true?

[–] registrert@lemmy.sambands.net 16 points 10 months ago

I used to be a region hose down emergency worker, we're the people you call if employees refuses to be hosed down. AMA.

[–] Destraight@lemm.ee 9 points 9 months ago

No, it is not true. Everyone is lying to you. The receipt in this picture is fake and was custom made. I'm sorry that you are inconvenienced by these trolls throwing misinformation answers at you, and I hope your lemmy experience gets better

[–] Zoot@reddthat.com 0 points 9 months ago

You don't want to know...

[–] w2tpmf@kbin.social 3 points 10 months ago

Damn, it's expired! 😞

[–] Mac@mander.xyz 2 points 9 months ago

Call the number.

[–] Send_me_nude_girls@feddit.de 1 points 10 months ago

I can only imagine CVS is some sadomaso store?