this post was submitted on 29 Jan 2025
468 points (98.0% liked)

Greentext

5001 readers
1021 users here now

This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
 
top 42 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] Kusimulkku@lemm.ee 1 points 5 days ago (2 children)

I wonder what country this is that has conscription, speaks English and uses meters.

[–] jmastajay@lemmy.world 1 points 5 days ago
[–] MacNCheezus@lemmy.today 1 points 5 days ago (1 children)

It might come as a surprise to you, but quite a lot of people in the world learn English as a second language, and terminally online 4chan anons tend to get quite good at it, so this doesn't narrow it down much.

[–] Kusimulkku@lemm.ee 2 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago) (1 children)

Yes that's why the drill instructor yells in English too. Come on now friend.

[–] MacNCheezus@lemmy.today 1 points 5 days ago (1 children)

Hmm, that's a good point.

Alright, which country would you suspect then? Because outside of the US, every other English speaking country uses the metric system (but I'm not sure if any of them still have mandatory conscription).

[–] Kusimulkku@lemm.ee 2 points 5 days ago (1 children)

I think anon just made up a funny story.

[–] MacNCheezus@lemmy.today 1 points 5 days ago (1 children)

Well, it wouldn't be the first time, would it.

[–] Kusimulkku@lemm.ee 1 points 5 days ago

Hah, no. I just enjoy finding this sort of mistakes in the stories.

[–] Wutchilli@feddit.org 88 points 1 week ago (2 children)

I want to belive that this is true (and gay)

[–] AI_toothbrush@lemmy.zip 78 points 1 week ago (2 children)

Anon is attending the guys wedding bc theyre the ones getting married.

[–] jaybone@lemmy.world 7 points 1 week ago

Directed by JJ Abrams.

Nah... He's marrying the drill sergeant.

[–] ImplyingImplications@lemmy.ca 17 points 1 week ago (5 children)

It would be great but OP would be from a country that doesnt speak English and the theme song probably wouldn't be English either. I've watched Bob l'éponge and the song is French.

[–] tetris11@lemmy.ml 2 points 5 days ago

Wer wohnt in ein Ananas ganz tief im Meer? (SpongeBob Schwammkopf)

[–] Lyre@lemmy.ca 19 points 1 week ago (2 children)

I learned today that Singapore has mandatory military service and a majority English speaking population... So there's a chance

[–] KiwiTheFlightless@lemmy.world 4 points 1 week ago

Negligence discharge will make you wish you were dead though

[–] Yondoza@sh.itjust.works 3 points 1 week ago

Switzerland has it too, and while English isn't the official language almost everyone speaks it.

[–] b0gl@sh.itjust.works 6 points 1 week ago (2 children)

Vem bor i en ananas djupt i det blå? Svampbob Fyrkant!

[–] tostiman@sh.itjust.works 5 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

Hij woont in een ananas diep in de zee! Spongebob Squarepants!

[–] tostiman@sh.itjust.works 3 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Wait, so blåhaj means sea shark? I thought it was blue shark

[–] b0gl@sh.itjust.works 5 points 1 week ago

Blå means Blue and it's kind of a slang word for sea

[–] Yorick@sh.itjust.works 3 points 1 week ago

Reading this I'm pretty sure that's the kind of goofing you end up in at the Swiss army.

Tho having a 300m target distance on your first rifle shooting test seems far to me.

[–] Maalus@lemmy.world 2 points 1 week ago

Russian army is big on spongebob songs.

[–] Diplomjodler3@lemmy.world 45 points 1 week ago (2 children)

Generals totally watch new recruits shoot for the first time.

[–] ochi_chernye@startrek.website 42 points 1 week ago (3 children)

I mean, occasionally they do. Always popping up where you least expect (or want) them, in my experience.

[–] stoy@lemmy.zip 19 points 1 week ago (2 children)

Would you say that it happens in...

...general?

[–] Jumi@lemmy.world 9 points 1 week ago (2 children)

What happens in the general stays in the general

[–] dohpaz42@lemmy.world 7 points 1 week ago

Aye aye Captain!

[–] stebo02@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 points 1 week ago

not sure, but i know where the general keeps his armies...

[–] jaybone@lemmy.world 4 points 1 week ago

It happens in private.

[–] JustAnotherKay@lemmy.world 12 points 1 week ago

@Diplomjodler3@lemmy.world

Yeah, had a navy friend who met 2 different admirals during boot camp and 2 more at their first training command. Some times the sharks like to swim in the ponds

[–] Korhaka@sopuli.xyz 9 points 1 week ago

I have heard in eastern countries its a bit more common to see them compared to western ones

[–] DaddleDew@lemmy.world 1 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

And completely neglects the chain of command to directly berate a drill sergeant. That's like the CEO of McDonald's going to a franchise to berate the guy making fries.

And the recruits shoot for their first time at 300 meters.

[–] Akasazh@feddit.nl 38 points 1 week ago (1 children)

My dad had a similar story. When he got recalled they had to shoot a bunch of nearly depleted ammo for 155 mm arty.

They sit in the field waiting for the command to fire. Guy that has the pull cord had been smoking some weed and was sitting behind the gun drumming.

One of his beats is with the hand in which he has the cord, it was slightly to strong. The gun fires and he gets the recoiling breech block in his face.

My dad jumps on him and keeps his tongue from sliding back in the guys throat. Shouts at the commanding officer to get a medic, finally the guy gets wheeled out by an ambulance. Nothing heard from the guy.

Years later, in a bar he hears some drumming he recognizes. It's the same guy, he got small fracture at the base of his skull and got an army pension for life. Buys the beers for my dad the rest of the evening.

[–] ArbitraryValue@sh.itjust.works 22 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (1 children)

he gets the recoiling breech block in his face

I expected to respond to this with the sad crab meme captioned "this kills the recruit". That guy must have an amazingly thick skull.

[–] Akasazh@feddit.nl 17 points 1 week ago

He was incredibly relaxed, which might have saved him. You see this with drunk drivers too.

[–] GNUmer@sopuli.xyz 36 points 1 week ago (4 children)

Unless Anon served in the Russian army, accidentally shooting a rock 10m away would be quite a serious safety breach leading to a good amount of investigations.

[–] OwlPaste@lemmy.world 1 points 6 days ago

In soviet Russia the pension will get you for life... Jokes aside he won't get any pension or medical in russian army, just get sent to Ukraine. Cheaper

[–] JasonDJ@lemmy.zip 23 points 1 week ago

Anon is on 4chan and mentioned mandatory service...so yeah, probably Russia or a former Soviet state.

[–] Kolanaki@yiffit.net 18 points 1 week ago

That's why anon is going to that guy's wedding next week; both were kicked out of army.

[–] jaybone@lemmy.world 10 points 1 week ago

In Russian army, rock shoots you.

[–] bstix@feddit.dk 2 points 1 week ago