this post was submitted on 22 Dec 2024
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[–] Rooty@lemmy.world 2 points 2 hours ago

"Stop trauma dumping on me, do I look like a licensed therapist?"

[–] MystikIncarnate@lemmy.ca 4 points 2 hours ago

That sucks.

[–] don@lemm.ee 4 points 2 hours ago (1 children)

“I can’t say I would’ve known what to do, had I been in your position.”

“I can only imagine what that must have been like for you, which understandably likely isn’t of much consolation to you.”

“It would be disingenuous of me to presume to know what it was like for you to have experienced what you endured, but I am happy to listen to what you have to say, if you wish to tell me.”

[–] somedev@aussie.zone 1 points 2 hours ago

"Cool story, bro"

[–] asret@lemmy.zip 3 points 2 hours ago

I can't tell whether this is supposed to be advice on what to do or not. I can certainly see people getting upset at all of them for putting your feelings and perspective at the forefront however.

[–] Fizz@lemmy.nz 9 points 4 hours ago

"Its not that bad stop being a pussy" Works 30% of the time everytime.

[–] bruhduh@lemmy.world 2 points 3 hours ago (2 children)

Tell a related story is best choice because it shows that you really feel what that person is coming through since you've came through similar situation yourself

[–] shneancy@lemmy.world 3 points 1 hour ago

that's what neurodivergent people do to show sympathy - very often unknowingly. folks sometimes think we do that to get the attention for ourselves, but it's just a long winded way of saying "i understand what you feel, you're not alone in your pain"

[–] aoidenpa@lemmy.world 4 points 3 hours ago (1 children)

But then you are making this about yourself. Stealing the show. Reaping all the sympathy.

[–] bruhduh@lemmy.world 1 points 2 hours ago

When is only you and your friend in evening near the grill, then i don't know which sympathy i stole, i mean men truly open up very rarely and often in very small circle or even only to one person, so you have to show some compassion in these moments

[–] Agent641@lemmy.world 3 points 5 hours ago

4: "I can help you hide the body if you want."

[–] IDKWhatUsernametoPutHereLolol@lemmy.dbzer0.com 4 points 6 hours ago (1 children)

Lol that's basically a therapist, minus the second option.

[–] asret@lemmy.zip 3 points 2 hours ago

You might need to try a different therapist.

[–] Septimaeus@infosec.pub 98 points 13 hours ago* (last edited 2 hours ago) (5 children)

And then what happened?
That must be really hard for you.
Wow. You don’t deserve that.
How do you feel about it now?
Ugh. That sounds awful.
You’re handling this better than I would.
How do you even respond to that?
Tell me about it.
What can I do to help?
You’ve got this, but I’m here.

Edit: I wrote the above to illustrate how many options there are in the parlance of active listening. The formula is simple: imagine how they feel and join their side or, if you can’t yet imagine, ask questions until you can. That’s it.

[–] diffusive@lemmy.world 3 points 5 hours ago* (last edited 5 hours ago) (1 children)

Awesome list! Much better than a list I would make 🙂

I would just change slightly the “What can I do to help?” (That is a call for a “nothing”) to “How can I help?” (That shows much more enthusiasm in wanting to help)

[–] Septimaeus@infosec.pub 1 points 2 hours ago

Hey thanks! I like that phrasing better. Less perfunctory, more sincere.

[–] Zwiebel@feddit.org 12 points 9 hours ago (1 children)

Look at mister "I leave the basement twice a week" over here

[–] HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 4 points 4 hours ago

In the land of the ~~blind~~ awkward the ~~one eyed~~ I dunno less awkward I guess man is king

[–] bradd@lemmy.world 18 points 10 hours ago* (last edited 10 hours ago)

Thanks, man. I needed that.

[–] ivanafterall@lemmy.world 44 points 12 hours ago (3 children)

"Frankly, you brought this all on yourself" usually resolves it quickly, in my experience.

[–] Fizz@lemmy.nz 4 points 4 hours ago

Ah drawing aggro like a true tank.

[–] wreckedcarzz@lemmy.world 9 points 8 hours ago

Hello, we'd like to offer you a position as police chief in a neighborhood that will statistically have a school shooting soon.

[–] Klear@lemmy.world 11 points 11 hours ago

That sucks.

[–] UncleStewart@sh.itjust.works 50 points 14 hours ago (4 children)
[–] ivanafterall@lemmy.world 20 points 12 hours ago (3 children)

This is slowly being replaced by 👍ing or ❤️‍ing the message. No actual words needed.

[–] Aurenkin@sh.itjust.works 7 points 7 hours ago (1 children)
[–] Agent641@lemmy.world 3 points 5 hours ago (1 children)
[–] HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 1 points 4 hours ago* (last edited 4 hours ago)
[–] MagnyusG@lemmy.world 4 points 7 hours ago* (last edited 7 hours ago)

I find that the variety of emotes people have available on discord say more than I probably would half-ass with words. At least with memes, if I'm having a conversation I will not be using emotes.

[–] bradd@lemmy.world 8 points 10 hours ago
[–] rigatti@lemmy.world 19 points 14 hours ago (1 children)
[–] WanakaTree@lemm.ee 2 points 6 hours ago
[–] Catoblepas@lemmy.blahaj.zone 7 points 14 hours ago

Haha so true!

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[–] troglodytis@lemmy.world 50 points 15 hours ago (2 children)

That sucks. Definitely push the last one. This happened to me one time in band camp

[–] recursive_recursion@lemmy.ca 12 points 15 hours ago

That sucks but this reminds me of...

...and that's how I became king of the pirates, well anyways you should invest into my NFT cryptoAI trust me bro this gonna go to the moon!

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[–] fckreddit@lemmy.ml 28 points 15 hours ago (2 children)

"That's rough, buddy" is my goto.

[–] veroxii@aussie.zone 15 points 11 hours ago

"my first girlfriend turned into the moon"

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[–] YarHarSuperstar@lemmy.world 11 points 14 hours ago (2 children)

Or maybe ask what they need from you? Just a thought.

[–] PhobosAnomaly@feddit.uk 15 points 14 hours ago (1 children)

It works spectacularly well with people you're close to or on very good terms with.

If my other half is kicking off about something, a quick "hey listen, are you wanting help to fix this or are you wanting to vent like fuck to feel a bit better?"

It's rarely the former, though I'd be more than happy to help if it was. At least then I can let her rage out and decompress without throwing in unwanted suggestions.

Probably comes across as a bit blunt to people you don't know well though.

[–] MrVilliam@lemm.ee 3 points 11 hours ago (1 children)

Glad my wife and I aren't the only ones. It's frustrating to explain why proposed solutions won't work while already worked up over stressful bullshit. Sometimes there just aren't real solutions. Sometimes you just need to open a pressure relief valve for a minute so you can have a little reset and be better equipped to tackle the mountain of bullshit.

[–] PhobosAnomaly@feddit.uk 1 points 10 hours ago* (last edited 10 hours ago)

Yeah, it works both ways at the end of the day.

I know fine well when I need to take some holiday days - I work with a team of fantastic guys and girls in a very bureaucratic environment, so any deviation from the norm in certain projects come with a raft of paperwork (an unnecessary volume in some cases), before the issue can really be put to bed.

Everyone makes fuckups. I've made fuckups and caused by line manager paperwork when I was at the coalface, and I'll continue to make fuckups and learn from them in the future. I know my spuds will drop a bollock every now and then, and that's cool.

There are times when someone has made a royal arse of something and it's stacked another load of paperwork on top of me, and I get a bit angry about it. It's not rational, it's not fair to rag on the poor dude or dudette or dudethey who made an error, and I'll let my partner know that I'm not after solutions - I'm just needing a bit of extra time to calm down and refocus. Solutions to those problems mean overhauling a heavy and entrenched system of work, and it's not something that can be done at home - I could have married Kofi Annan, but unless he's familiar with the system of work, there's fuck all he could actually do.

At that point, it's time to book a week or two off, and think about anything - everything - but work.

e: clarity

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[–] Kolanaki@yiffit.net 9 points 14 hours ago* (last edited 14 hours ago) (3 children)

There is a secret fourth option that requires the player to cancel the dialogue and just perform an action:

Give hug

Sadly, nobody does that.

Its the best option.

[–] GreyEyedGhost@lemmy.ca 3 points 11 hours ago

That sucks.

[–] xeekei@lemm.ee 3 points 14 hours ago (1 children)
[–] HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 1 points 4 hours ago

I prefer the renegade Slap!

[–] candyman337@sh.itjust.works 11 points 15 hours ago

Empathize, "I can imagine how much that must have hurt, I'm sorry you had to deal with that"

[–] edgemaster72@lemmy.world 4 points 14 hours ago

"that's crazy"

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