this post was submitted on 24 Nov 2024
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Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

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[–] SkaveRat@discuss.tchncs.de 122 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

fake: anon is athletic. gay: doesn't go out on a date with a girl

[–] RecluseRamble@lemmy.dbzer0.com 74 points 4 weeks ago

Well, obviously gay. He preferred impressing the boys over the girls.

[–] BenFranklinsDick@lemmy.world 90 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

Real and straight.

Anon didn't have sex.

[–] babybus@sh.itjust.works 28 points 4 weeks ago

Straight? Anon didn't miss because he didn't want to have sex with a woman.

[–] kittenzrulz123@lemmy.blahaj.zone 54 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

Fake: Anon is attracted to girls and any girl is attracted to Annon

Gay: Anon is very gay

[–] Flax_vert@feddit.uk 9 points 4 weeks ago (3 children)

Circular reasoning fallacy

[–] answersplease77@lemmy.world 12 points 4 weeks ago

circular nut sucking is gay thus anon is gay

[–] r_thndr@lemmy.dbzer0.com 4 points 3 weeks ago

I will appeal to the authority of deez nuts

[–] nehal3m@sh.itjust.works 49 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

Why would those girls set him up to fail? Flip the bet; date if you score.

[–] porous_grey_matter@lemmy.ml 73 points 4 weeks ago* (last edited 4 weeks ago) (1 children)

Because she actually wants to go on the date and it's easier to miss on purpose than guarantee for sure getting it? Idk, it's awkward af but kids are awkward and there's all kinds of dumb gender stuff tied up in girls asking boys out directly so it's forgivable imo. Also, giving him an opportunity to be jokey and fun, "oh noooo, how could I have missed wink", show that he doesn't take himself too seriously and can play around. Which he failed lmao. (Yes yes I know it's fake)

[–] green_copper@kbin.earth 5 points 4 weeks ago

I agree with you. Still in this hypothetical situation a part of me would have troubles holding back asking the girl whats wrong with her friend when she uses her as a kind of punishment.

[–] AdamBomb@lemmy.sdf.org 40 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

This is the kind of clueless shit I would’ve done back in college. I can’t dunk, but I was just as good as anon at being completely oblivious.

[–] mynameisigglepiggle@lemmy.world 7 points 3 weeks ago

It would have been the first dunk Ive made all day and I would be chuffed as fuck I made it. Only 10 years later j would have realised I fucked up

[–] oce@jlai.lu 33 points 4 weeks ago

Anon is strong and independent, he doesn't need to appear clumsy to attract sympathy.

[–] Sergio@slrpnk.net 27 points 4 weeks ago (4 children)

OK, I put a lot of thought into this, and here's what I've concluded.

When the girls came up to anon and suggested the bet, he should have said: "Sorry, ladies, I can't take that bet. See, whenever I do something, I give it 100%. So when I'm on the court, I'm being true and faithful to the sport of basketball. And the one thing I can't do..." (he locks eyes with the girl he likes) "...the ONE thing I can't do is be unfaithful." (he gives his best boyish grin, then goes and makes the dunk.)

[–] Atlas_@lemmy.world 37 points 3 weeks ago

That's way too wordy.

Go make the dunk. Give her a moment of disappointment, then come back and say. "I don't miss dunks, or dates. How about [local restaurant] at 6?"

Then you 1. Don't miss a dunk in front of the boys and show your principles. 2. Get the date. 3. Let her save face - you're not going on a date with her because you lost a bet, but rather because you like her.

[–] x00z@lemmy.world 19 points 3 weeks ago

You forgot the "tips fedora" part.

[–] stinky@redlemmy.com 15 points 3 weeks ago

It's equally as likely as the original greentext story

[–] Gullible@sh.itjust.works 21 points 4 weeks ago

:::spoiler spoiler Your partner should be happy to see you succeed. Subjecting yourself to failure in order to please someone, particularly a trifling-ass rando, is denial and devaluation of the self. Tell her to miss a dunk and see how she handles it. Worst case scenario, she dunks so hard that you end up pregnant. Is it worth the gamble? Not for me to answer, that’s between you and god.

[–] TheKMAP@lemmynsfw.com 14 points 4 weeks ago

Anon avoids double embarrassment of missing a dunk and having the girls go "SIKE"

[–] sbv@sh.itjust.works 14 points 4 weeks ago
[–] Sergio@slrpnk.net 12 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

He should have refused to elaborate.

[–] Agent641@lemmy.world 7 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago)

Dunk

Maintain eye contact

High-five the boys

Walk away

[–] tryagain@lemmy.ml 4 points 4 weeks ago

This one made me wince

[–] unknown1234_5@kbin.earth 2 points 2 weeks ago

fumbled because of excess swag