this post was submitted on 25 Oct 2024
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Lemmy Shitpost

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Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

Anything and everything goes. Memes, Jokes, Vents and Banter. Though we still have to comply with lemmy.world instance rules. So behave!


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[–] FeelzGoodMan420@eviltoast.org 73 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago) (7 children)

The fuck is with these influx of censored memes? Is it to avoid some tik tok filter or some shit? I am just assuming since so many of this crap is recycled tik tok memes.

[–] wurstgulasch3000@lemmy.world 28 points 3 days ago

I will down vote each and every one of them, I know it won't do anything but fuck it

[–] ObviouslyNotBanana@lemmy.world 26 points 3 days ago (8 children)

Can't even say dingle anymore without being banned from Insta. Ducks sake.

[–] FeelzGoodMan420@eviltoast.org 7 points 3 days ago (1 children)

i wouldn't know. I've never used instagram in my life lol.

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[–] jaggedrobotpubes@lemmy.world 117 points 4 days ago (4 children)
[–] SpaceNoodle@lemmy.world 46 points 4 days ago

Maybe she should try more quietly.

[–] M137@lemmy.world 28 points 4 days ago (9 children)

It never stops being scary seeing adult and married people unable to do things you expect children to get right.

[–] tee9000@lemmy.world 37 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago) (2 children)

I dont understand how you dont question a jpeg. A child made this meme. It did not happen.

Now if it were a png, thats a good source. Theres a lot more transparency.

[–] rickyrigatoni@lemm.ee 18 points 4 days ago (2 children)

This comment made me remove both my femurs.

[–] fishbone@lemmy.dbzer0.com 8 points 3 days ago

When you hear a real knee slapper and your aim is slightly off.

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[–] expatriado@lemmy.world 137 points 4 days ago (2 children)

my prostate would switch to happy mode and probably wouldn't be able to pee

[–] Im_old@lemmy.world 57 points 4 days ago (2 children)

It's difficult but not impossible

[–] cdf12345@lemm.ee 88 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago) (1 children)
[–] EightLeggedFreak@lemmy.world 49 points 4 days ago (1 children)
[–] rockerface@lemm.ee 21 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago) (1 children)

You woodn't think it's possible

[–] 0ops@lemm.ee 2 points 1 day ago

But urine it to win it

[–] SexualPolytope@lemmy.sdf.org 15 points 4 days ago

You can cheat by doing it right after ejaculation.

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[–] TastyWheat@lemmy.world 12 points 3 days ago

Preschool Memes need to die, you can say 'dick' on the internet for fuck's sake!

[–] nova_ad_vitum@lemmy.ca 90 points 4 days ago (1 children)

Still a better love story than twilight.

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[–] TommySoda@lemmy.world 72 points 4 days ago (4 children)

I like how they censor the "C" in dick so it's just "DIK"

I found that funnier than the whole rest of it lol

[–] Sam_Bass@lemmy.world 18 points 4 days ago (1 children)

dik was an animation studio once upon a time

[–] Hackworth@lemmy.world 25 points 4 days ago

I instantly heard it. DEEK

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[–] BigDanishGuy@sh.itjust.works 37 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Wrong community, this is shitposting, you want pissposting. Maybe even vintagepissposting...

[–] ObviouslyNotBanana@lemmy.world 16 points 3 days ago

You're free to repost to pisspost this shitpost

[–] IMNOTCRAZYINSTITUTION@lemmy.world 55 points 4 days ago (1 children)

pissing all by yourself, handsome?

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[–] Ithorian@lemmy.world 12 points 3 days ago (1 children)
[–] ObviouslyNotBanana@lemmy.world 5 points 3 days ago (1 children)

I don't like giving myself golden showers

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[–] paddirn@lemmy.world 29 points 4 days ago (2 children)

I’d probably try outside if I was going to let a woman try to hold it and aim, otherwise they’re gonna miss from just piss-poor aim or I’d start getting hard and that would make it even harder to aim.

[–] Landless2029@lemmy.world 14 points 3 days ago (2 children)

Yeah the shower is a much easier solution

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[–] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 6 points 3 days ago

I am grateful that, in 24 years of marriage, this has never been an issue that has come up between my wife and I.

[–] SnotFlickerman@lemmy.blahaj.zone 38 points 4 days ago (1 children)

aloud

That's quite the sound

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[–] Duamerthrax@lemmy.world 5 points 3 days ago
[–] ininewcrow@lemmy.ca 29 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago) (1 children)

A great shitpost about pee ... beautifully done ... now I gotta go pee ... by myself ... with no one holding my pee pee .. so they don't do a helicopter while I pee

[–] nifty@lemmy.world 15 points 4 days ago (1 children)

You can hold it and copter yourself

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[–] terminhell@lemmy.world 23 points 4 days ago (1 children)

Tried this once, wife's aim was terrible. Was years ago, may try again at some point XD

[–] allidoislietomyself@lemmy.world 28 points 4 days ago (3 children)

To be fair to your wife, we have been practicing with it since we were toddlers.

[–] howrar@lemmy.ca 12 points 4 days ago (1 children)

And she's only getting half of the controls with no coordination between the two. She doesn't know how strong of a stream you're giving her and you can't adjust it based on where she plans to point your dick.

[–] TriflingToad@lemmy.world 11 points 4 days ago

You're quite the piss scientist I see!

[–] AlligatorBlizzard@sh.itjust.works 11 points 4 days ago (4 children)

Standing to pee is a learned skill. Trans guys who buy a stand to pee device are all recommended to practice in the shower first.

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[–] kindenough@kbin.earth 23 points 4 days ago (2 children)

Reminds me of the almighty Hippopotamus doing the helicopter with his tail while taking a dump. Shit hits the fan. Shits supergreen too. When I see a pond full of algae I am careful, hippo might be closeby...

[–] Lost_My_Mind@lemmy.world 20 points 4 days ago (3 children)

And the funny thing is, as over the top satirical as you're being, it's not actually bad advice. More people die from hippo attacks than sharks or alligators.

Hippos are big dumb assholes, but they are POWERFULL!!!! You don't fuck with hippos, you don't fuck with moose, and you don't fuck with polar bears.

You know that phrase about bears? If it's it's brown, lay down. If it's black, fight back."? Well hippos have a phrase too.

"If it's a hippo, fuck you!"

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[–] bluewing@lemm.ee 7 points 3 days ago (1 children)

My question is-- What did you learn from this?

I'm going for a piss

Oh yeah, want some help with that?

[–] sachamato@lemmy.world 16 points 4 days ago (1 children)

My wife asked for this. Lol

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