this post was submitted on 30 Dec 2024
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I'm afab nb and had a casual encounter with a straight male without explaining my gender. He was shitty about consent and I do take solace in the fact that I queered him without his knowledge.
So you met someone who was shitty about consent, and decided to also be shitty about consent?
Wow!
You didn't tell your assaulter you are trans while he was assaulting you! You're the real villain here!
They don't imply there was assault. They call the hookup 'casual' with poor consent that's common enough, too many men expect to be able to do as they please
Obviously they were upset enough by it to gain psychic revenge by not telling them they don't identify as a girl, but they don't suggest they weren't up for it
CW assault
Tbh I didn't even think to pause everything to sit him down and explain what it means to be non binary. It became kinda clear from talking that he thought gender=genitals and at that point I kinda wanted out, but he was pushy and persistent and I felt unsafe to tell him about either my gender or wanting to leave. Kinda just froze, idk how else to explain it. And he intentionally stealthed me, too.
I am so sorry that happened to you. You remember the term "fight or flight" response? They have added "freeze" to the mix.
I don't know if you need to hear this, but your reaction was normal and it doesn't mean you deserved it. It sounds like you're trying to reclaim your autonomy in response to something traumatic, and that's ok. Sorry someone tried to make you feel shitty for it.
That sucks. I'm sorry for you. I'm also sorry I prompted you to recall it in more detail
It's a damn shame you have to recount this to a stranger on the Internet who's being a creepy asshole
rapey comment bro