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How can I "support" my family from a distance if they don't like the idea of receiving money from me? (lemmy.world)

submitted 6 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago) by whitecold@lemmy.world to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml

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Edit: THANK YOU EVERYONE, there has been so many great ideas, and it was really eye-opening. I've decided to save up money for now in case of an emergency, and surprise them with something this Christmas. Also will make sure to call often, and visit them when possible. I'm seriously grateful to everyone who has shared their opinion!

I've recently moved out, so I can no longer help out with household duties (like cooking, cleaning, gardening, etc), which is what I used to do to help them - mind you they are not elderly, still actively working, so I just wanted to help them have more free time for hobbies and such.

Since I'm no longer there physically, I can obviously not help with these anymore, and they are both very much against the idea of spending money on cleaners, gardeners and such (to be fair, I'm also not really into the idea) - they are also very much against the idea of receiving money from me. The problem is, I don't know how else I could help, if I can't chime in for household expenses.

I'm really curious what others do to support their family from afar without directly sending money being involved?

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[–] skullgiver@popplesburger.hilciferous.nl 9 points 6 days ago* (last edited 6 days ago)

Some people don't like to receive help from others without getting something in return, because it makes them feel pitied. If you think this applies to you and they're refusing help because they don't want to be a burden, ask for a little favour yourself every now and then, even if you don't really need to borrow that lawnmower/hammer/bucket. That way, they don't feel as burdened asking you when they need help.

If you've got money leftover for them, you can't go wrong with keeping some funds reserved in case they need it. It sounds like they're doing fine, so an emergency fund is all the monetary aid they may need. If that doesn't get used, you can always invest it and have it ready for them when they age and run into stuff like healthcare bills.

You could also spend the money another way, like giving nice birthday/Christmas gifts. Save up for holiday vouchers, or get them a roomba or a dishwasher to sneakily help with cleaning.

Also consider that maybe they really are fine, and would be happier seeing you invest your money in yourself and your future. Most likely, they'll appreciate spending time with you much more than the money you may be able to provide.