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this post was submitted on 01 Apr 2024
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The only merit that I can see is that some people feel that gender should be nothing more than a description of biological or, at least, physiological sex.
It confuses me to no end that my very girly oldest child identifies male, especially since hearing them talk about it, it seems more a rejection of being seen as a sexual object than any desire to be a man.
If my kid wants to identify male while being born a girl and being super into makeup, dresses, and sparkle, and that helps them deal with their sexual abuse, more power to them. Even if it breaks my old person brain a little.
Nothing excuses hating someone or being angry because they disagree with you about the definition of gender. I mean, if a woman assaults another female person, the punishment should be the same, right? It's not like men can't go into women's bathrooms anyways if their mind is set on it.
Yeah then you start debating the merits of hate crime as a concept and I am not even slightly equipped to deal with that!
I had similar queries around "biological sex" vs gender a while ago and my understanding now is that biological sex is surprisingly hard to define. You can't go by genitalia because sometimes a person creates the "wrong" ones. You can't go by chromosomes because again, sometimes they're different. And you can't go by other physical traits (Adams apple for example) because again sometimes it's there, sometimes it's not, completely unrelated to sex. You can sort of go by hormones but not really (just look at professional sport) so it's all a bit of a mess. It's way easier for me to just accept there's a spectrum and move on, because to me it's way harder to actually define where the line is than to just dismiss the line entirely.
Exceptions don't disprove the rule. I specialized in genetics twenty plus years ago, so most of the stuff people are finding out via the internet is something I've known for a long time.
Of course there's a spectrum, but it's dumbbell shaped. Just getting a bit thicker about the middle, like most of us.
Even psychiatrists don't psychoanalyze their own children.
Maybe instead of hearing your child talk about it, talk to your child about it. Children aren't clay that you stick in a you-shaped mold and expect them to come out no different from you.
Maybe your "very girly" oldest child identifies as male because that's what they consider themselves to be and your definition of "very girly" isn't the same as theirs.
Do you self-identify as male? Do you wear any colors other than grey? Congratulations, you're "very girly" according to the first half of the 20th century.
What makes you think I haven't done such an obvious thing as to talk with my kid about it?
Good grief.
Put down the pitchfork.
Because you said "it seems" which suggests you are guessing but don't actually know.
And also because you think your own biased view of what is "very girly" has something to do with your child's gender identity.
So maybe you have talked to them about it, I don't know, but it doesn't sound like you listened.
I mean this alone-
It should no more break your old person brain any more than it should finding out your child is not heterosexual. If it is breaking your brain, you need to check your prejudices.
I'm glad your wouldn't do anything about a child's self-defined gender, but you still need to look at what you're saying and how you're judging.
Reading comprehension isn't your strong suit is it? Either that, or you're just a bit histrionic. Either way, trying to attack me and call me prejudiced when you've judged me with very little logic or basic understanding is pretty rich.
Move on, cowboy. You can't shame or intimidate me when you grasp so little about my situation. Bullying is not the way to get people to re-examine themselves, even if it is their best path forward.