this post was submitted on 27 Jul 2023
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The fact that no matter how much I improve, no matter how much I "work on myself", that people will always assert that I'm not "good enough" based on their own inherent narcissism. People will always be trying to bury a hatchet into my neck simply because something about me proves their very identity wrong.
Some people. People worth staying away from, imho.
All people - which is exactly what there's no "away". That inherent narcissism is what makes people human, and the fact that repeated near-death experiences traumatized it out of me is exactly why people refuse to accept my humanity.
My best friend used to have a saying, "we can only try our best, no more and no less". This is one of the ones I live by. If this describes you, I for one can't see myself judging you.
Everyone else would jump at the chance to judge me - and has so far. They see me as only a slave to serve their needs; any moment I am failing to do so makes me worthy of death in their eyes.
I never understood that either. I am judged a lot but then I see someone who others consider judgeworthy and I don't think I've ever not asked "why am I to judge this person again". By definition, I cannot blame those who try their best.
They're all narcissists. Every human being who has not been traumatized is a narcissist; only trauma can drive out narcissism. Trauma rubs people's faces into their own mortality; only knowing their own mortality can humble them enough to get over themselves.
Is that to say innocence doesn't exist?