this post was submitted on 07 Jan 2024
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How do people deal with getting older when the hottest girls are out of your age range.
I was hoping as I get older women I'm most attracted to would get older. Seems my standards are just lowering but a 20 year is still banging.
Disclaimer: I'm old and retired. My wife is 7 years younger than me and we've been married 37 years.
You will always stop and look at and admire a pretty young lady. You might even think to yourself, "If I was 40 years younger!" And then immediately think to yourself "But any way".
As you get older you will become more attracted to older women. Not because you think they are prettier than younger women, that's biology for you. But, you will find the personality and cultural reference points of age far more compelling than plain beauty in your relationships. Turns out, shared life experiences and culture means more in the long run than the smell of bubble gum and all the drama of youth.
Eh. I want to fuck a 20 year old. I want to have a relationship with a 40 year old. I've been in two different casual relationships with women younger than me (33/23, and 35/26) and they were exhausting. Not having any common cultural touchstones was a much bigger bummer than I thought it would be. So I wanted to spend an hour or two with them, but I find myself perfectly content spending an entire day with my current (39/35) fiance.
You're still gonna be attracted to 20yos physically. There's over 100k years of evolution that wants you to mate with the fittest, most attractive mate that you can. But is that a person you actually want to spend time with outside of the bedroom? So, yeah, your standards in regards to physical attractiveness are gonna drop as you age, but your other standards will likely change too.
They don't. Go and reread what I wrote, then come back here and quote the part of my comment where I said that.
And I again refer you back to what I previously wrote, your priorities change as you age. Mine did. I'm far more likely to have sex with a partner who's company I enjoy than someone who's company I don't enjoy. That aside, I didn't say you're gonna just start solely having sex with only people you have good company with. I didn't even say that you'd stop trying to have sex with people you were physically attracted to. I said your standards will change. Which insinuated that maybe you might not have slept with someone when you were 18yo cos they didn't meet your criteria of being attractive back then, but you might now cos your standards have changed.
I'm 46. I'm married, but if I was single, I find women near my age more attractive than much younger women. The sophistication and poise that can come with age is more attractive to me. I'm not saying I would kick either of the above women out of my bed, but I'd much rather be with someone in their 40s.
There are sophisticated 20 year olds and there boorish 60 year olds.
The dichotomy you describe isn't real, it's projected onto these women.
Hence the word 'can.'
Poise and sophistication is something that often comes with age regardless of gender.
Relative poise and sophistication. Nobody exists in a vacuum, and while yes I do agree that people generally progress and refine themselves as they age, there are hundreds of other factors that I would argue are vastly more relevant than age. It's not hard to find a 20 year old from a nurturing environment or conversely a 20 year old who survived difficult and grounding circumstances either of which may display vastly more sophistication and poise than a spoiled 60 year old raised in comfort and wealth who never had to challenge any of their expectations.
While some trend might exist between the two things, a) I think it's wildly overblown, b) it's nowhere near absolute enough to establish rules based upon it, and c) regardless it's an aside from what you claim to be after anyway. If you want a partner with sophistication and poise, then seek one with those qualities, don't just project them onto him/her/them because you assume they should have them based on age. If you've got a craving for apple you shouldn't pick up a pomegranate just because you know the food you like is colored red.
This is the second time you have accused me of projecting. Where is your evidence that I am projecting anything onto anyone?
To be honest I thought we were sort of discussing in generalities rather than intending any of it to read as directed at you personally. I apologize, I wasn't attempting to accuse you specifically of anything. I meant we, as a society, project these ideas, and to go further I'll admit it's sloppy word choice as what I mean is I guess more closely "presume to have" rather than "project." Again, I did not mean any specific insult or accusation to be directed at you and apologize for presenting my point in a way that could be read as such.
Okay, fair enough.
There are certain qualities a man needs to consistently attract hot women. Age does not matter as much as one would think. It certainly doesn't matter in a way that is fair to women.
So as the hottest girls leave my age range, I don't much think about it. I'm turning 40 this year, and I'm worrying about how old I'll be at my kids' graduations not what any 20-somethings think about old man me.
You pivot from being attracted to physical attributes towards being attracted to personality.
That, and people who see you with all the warts, scars and more... And see it as just part of you.
One aspect: I feel once you start thinking about having a family (and not being a farting old decrepid mess by the time your children are 20yo) you really start looking for someone who can be committed and would be interested in starting one, and that really doesn't include hot 20yo girls.
Another: People who age gracefully show they can take care of themselves and look amazing any age. That is powerful. Combined with the fact 25+ have a much better sense of style and manners, and understand the world so much more in a nuanced way.
IDK hot women are hot not based on age, if the have good common sense and intelligence, already above 7. I'd rather date an 18 year old who can think critically and not believe dumb nonsense on Facebook than a 40 year old who talks like a spoiled elementary schooler believing in essential oils and qanon shit. Plus no random kids from Father's they don't know💀
Is that even a serious question? It's literally biology. Humans are in their prime between like 18 and 24 years old (just made that range up so could be +/- few years but likely close). Same concept as why a fucking tomato will look worse 4 days after you bring it home from the store. We are organic beings. Organic materials degrade. Just accept it ;-). There is more to a relationship than looks.
You may wanna bang a 20 year old when you're 40, but would you want to date/marry a 20 year old? I certainly fucking wouldn't.