Normalize not demanding explanations, and start accepting 'I just couldn't' as a valid answer. Don't let normie neurotypicals define what is "Normal'.

[–] feedum_sneedson@lemmy.world 19 points 7 months ago (2 children)

I'd like to be competent, though.

[–] Caradoc879@lemmy.world 14 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Competent at what specifically? Basic daily life like chores and dishes? External motivators are way better than internal. I never clean "for myself". I clean because my wife needs it for her emotional well-being, and I clean because it would be embarrassing for guest or maintenance to see it.

Other potential options are therapy and medication, but I acknowledge the privelage of having them and that many people dont have that as an option. And obviously I'm just some dude so take it all as anecdotal evidence.

But for me it comes down to I will rarely do things for myself, so mentally framing them as for other people makes it easier

[–] feedum_sneedson@lemmy.world 8 points 7 months ago

You're very right, I'm very good at doing stuff for other people. Weird isn't it. It's probably the only method that's ever worked.

[–] fossilesque@mander.xyz 4 points 7 months ago

https://web.archive.org/web/20231201192236/https://www.nytimes.com/2019/03/25/smarter-living/why-you-procrastinate-it-has-nothing-to-do-with-self-control.html

[–] Kepabar@startrek.website 10 points 7 months ago (1 children)

That's not really an answer.

The things that make people feel/act this way are typically the really important stuff that has to get done or else there are consequences.

We can't just accept 'i just couldn't' in many of these situations.

[–] Caradoc879@lemmy.world 7 points 7 months ago (1 children)

But sometimes "I just couldn't ' is the answer. You dont mad that a fish can't climb a tree. First you ask why the fish needs to be in the tree. And then if it really does, you help the fish get into the tree. Standing behind it shouting words of encouragement or tgreats mean nothing when a fish can't climb. Far too often people get caught up so much on blaming and shaming people for mistakes or failures that it turns relationships sour and the original problem still doesn't get solved.