shitposting

First time skiing, friend was desperate to get someone to go so I went. Paid for everything like the meme says except the lessons. "I can teach you! Let's take this lift up to that ridgeline". I don't know any better so up we go. Get there and it's pretty high, oxygen is thin and a blizzard moved in. "Ok, ready?" He says. "What do I do?" I ask. "Just crouch down and twist back and forth to slow yourself. Here we go!" He replied and then off he went.

It started out fine. I'm upright, the snow is powdery so it is helping to slow me down and I kinda got the twisting movement right, for the first 50 feet. Then the ground dropped beneath me and suddenly I'm cruising at what feels like mach speed. There is no twisting anymore, just barrel rolls. I finally stop and my arm is no longer in the socket. I just lay there wondering if I had died and hell really was frozen over. Then a ski guide came up, asked me if I was ok. "Uuuuughhh" I answered him. He then asked me if I could make it down on my own which I answered with a stare of both death and fear. Another dude arrived with a sled. By that time I had regained the ability to talk and popped my arm back in place. At the bottom they offered to call an ambulance but I was largely ok, got the direction to the ski lodge bar instead.

10 hours later my friend finds me. "There you are! I was wondering where you went!" This is a story of the first and last time I went skiing.