Yeah, its fucking absurd. Closest option is probably a fairphone right now. They allow a bunch of degoglified options of android and a few linux options too.
My mobile OS of choice is currently Lineageos for Microg. Makes all my apps work and protects me from google as good as possible.
You don't need to log in to google for any of what you listed to work with google play services.
I spent months coding this shit into our programs and it still has issues. It makes it impossible to handle time without ambiguities.
I use a ROM with microg and it actually works for all the things I need.
You do know that Firefox is essentially Netscape rebooted, right?
Also I don't really know what you are trying to say here. Netscape was definitely a better option than Internet Explorer.
Some custom keycaps and a custom layout definition and that should be doable. The numpad has 16 keys.