Guys, thank you so much for all the great ideas. Given that everyone made a big effort to help me, I'm a bit embarrassed to report that it looks like it went away? I tried rebooting before and that didn't help. I rebooted a second time for an unrelated reason and that "fixed" it. I have no idea why. I feel like an idiot now. I will report if it comes back, but, for now, I think that was solved.
Thanks!
I wrote this autobiographical essay about some of my difficulties with sensitive online discussions.
I wrote more than 3500 words. That is literally a lot of words, and that is the only thing I interpret from your comment. Because it's true!
You only say that because you never dated me! lol
Just kidding.
But yeah, there are lots of unspoken rules for sure, but to be honest, when a potential partner fixates too much on that kinda thing I lose interest anyway. I don't wanna be with someone just because I tick their mental boxes as if I there was an invisible DnD character sheet for me in their head.
When I notice someone "plays games", I usually decide they're not for me. I call them whenever I feel like it, I send messages whenever I feel like it. I'm not looking at the calendar just to know when to call without looking "needy", because someone who would judge me for being "needy" is not someone I wanna be with. If I like someone, they'll know it.
I've been with women who clearly counted the days and followed rules for this and other stuff. It's exhausting.
When you asked about "dating" I thought you only meant first dates and such, long-term relationships are a different ball game. But I would say that in the stage I am in life, once a relationship starts "securing" the first year is kind of a given. Things tend to get harder after that.
I seem to have posted this twice, but neither is showing on my profile, and they are not visible to me on the "chat" group. It also says "cross-posted to: chat", but I didn't cross-post. I don't know what is going on, nor what will happen if I delete one of them (are they really two posts?). If there's a mod around, can you maybe merge the two posts? Thanks.
Since the days of IRC a lot of my dates and relationships either started on or crossed the digital realm. As young men, it was difficult to distinguish between sexual attraction and emotional connection. I ended up in a lot of weird relationships because of sex. I never counted the number of dates I had with someone before progressing things, I don't do that kind of thing The women I was with didn't count either. I guess we just go by what feels right. Maybe it takes a single day, maybe it takes a month. Whatever works.
How long does it take for you to know if you’re attracted to someone (sexually, romantically, emotionally, shared interests, etc)?
Sexually attractive? Less than 5 seconds. Emotionally invested? Impossible to know, it varies tremendously.
What do you like to do when you date and does it change depending on how many dates you’ve been on or how well you know the person?
The first thing to do would be having sex plenty of times. And that's not just me pushing or anything, women love sex too (of course). A lot of times I would like to take things slow in that area, but it is difficult to resist. Other than that, I love cooking for them and watching TV shows. I guess I'm basic.
Once you start dating someone, how long does it take you to understand whether you want to date the person long-term or whether it’s not going to work out?
I never know if and how things will work out... how can anyone know? Sometimes I have emotional reasons to stick around, I'm charmed, infatuated, or in love... but I don't have a crystal ball!
Do you only date people you meet in real life or do you use dating apps? How do you approach going from stranger to dating them?
I have dated people I met on IRC, Tinder, and a whole slew of old-school or defunct platforms. Probably more people from the real world overall, but not by a huge margin.
I'm pretty good at approaching women, but I do it very rarely. Usually when I already know something about the person and know that it will probably pay off. So it is incredibly rare, but, because I am careful and have ways to check beforehand, my success rate is relatively high.
The way I approach this is through "sensible honesty", so women always know my intentions but I don't throw it at them at inappropriate times and circumstances. And I'm not pushy, I'll back away at any sign of resistance or rejection. And I give them lots of chances to reject me. So I'm super obvious and clear, but never forceful or inconvenient.
What’s most important in deciding whether you want to date someone? Do they need to have an interest in activities you enjoy, shared values, emotional intelligence, a certain kind of humor, or something else?
Physical attributes are where it begins, but I must note that what I consider attractive is not necessarily very mainstream. Starting because, since an early age, I appreciate plus-size women very much. Also, cuteness is way more important to me than conventional "hotness" -- because to me being cute is the same as being hot. When we started dating, my partner used to send me a bunch of nude pictures in stereotypical "I'm so hot" poses, a lot of cleavage, etc. That didn't do it for me. The day she sent a picture in a cute pajama... it drove me insane!
Is there something you don’t understand about dating and want to share your frustration?
Not really. Compared to other human activities, dating is fairly simple. There are clear rules and patterns you follow. It's kinda like a script with some improvisation in between. Most of my socialization troubles happen in highly informal, spontaneous, "unscripted" situations. Dating is not like that. It's a narrative -- it can get complicated, but it still has a beginning, a middle, and an end.
Sorry, I forgot top add a negative. It should read as "I ran a Windows Defender scan and nothing showed up.".
Decades ago I couldn't stop thinking about suicide. It was persistent throughout many months. Then my doctor gave me lithium. I took it in the morning. By late afternoon I no longer wanted to die.
It's not perfect. I had many crisis since then. I have a psychotherapist and a psychiatrist. Nothing I did or took since then was nearly as efficient as an old cheap medicine called lithium. I still take it everyday.
So I guess my answer is "I don't really deal with those thoughts". I don't engage. I treat them. What's the point of arguing with a disease? If I had cancer, would I get chemo or just think about it very hard?
That is my thought as well. We'll continuously change the definition of intelligence in order to preserve the notion that intelligence is inherently human. Until we can't.
I really enjoy reading dense hard science fiction that I don't fully understand. I'm only really capable of reading when my ADHD med kicks in, so this is kind of an issue since there are many other things that require my medicated attention. But reading sci-fi when my brain is properly tuned is a source of great pleasure to me. A lot of what I read is about characters that are somewhat deranged and post human. I imagine that a lot of people find those characters unsettling, but I feel cozy around them since I'm not conventionally human myself.
I'm talking about authors such as Greg Egan, Greg Bear, Peter Watts, and some things by Robert Heinlein, Asimov, and Philip K. Dick.
In my experience pure reasoning doesn't really work in that situation. People seek conspiracy theories to acquire a sense of order, predictability, and self worth. You're special because you're part of the special group that knows the true shape of the world. Ultimately, they seek love and validation, and the most effective intervention must start simply by providing them with those things they lack.
I followed closely a friend with schizophrenia and that helps me understand certain behaviors. Confronting them directly is usually pointless. I only wanted to be a good friend and show my care and affection for him. I did suggest him ways to improve but I backed away at any sign of resistance. You don't wanna counter him at every step, but only when they show an openness to listen. I mean, if you wanted to tear down a wall, you wouldn't start by hitting where it's stronger, right? You would probably look for the weak spots. If and when your friend let their guard down, then you can gently intervene. Other than that, just show them love, and have the patience to understand that they'll only change in their own time. If ever.
I've played Xcloud on a good wired connection. It's impressive but IMHO opinion far from ideal. Input lag is getting better but it's still noticeable. Resolution varies but it's never as good as the real thing. Noticeably worse, actually. Loading a game takes longer than locally. For me? It's not enough. That said, before I was around, my mother-in-law spent years watching everything on the wrong aspect ratio. On a good TV. So I can totally see a lot of people streaming games for years without realizing how much better gaming can be.