"Seriously, who farted?"
this post was submitted on 29 Apr 2025
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"Here comes the show "
What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I'm the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, kiddo.
The trick is to press the button just as you start talking. With good timing, you can get stuck in the speaking animation long enough to make it through the fadeout and cutscene. Your character should then emerge unscathed on the other side of the barrier.
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"What does THIS button do?"
My first thought too.
I would get nervous, fuck it up. Then try to save it; making it more cringe. Then detonate the bomb just to end the awkwardness.
... Sorry, you failed your perception check as well.
As you pull out the 'bomb'...
You are startled to discover it is actually two ramen noodle packs, each of which has slightly torn packaging, out of which a bit of crumbled dehydrated noodle bits leak.
"Remember me as... as a guy... but like a really humble guy.... because even though what I'm doing is great and makes me better than you... I am not...."
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I’ve hidden a treasure somewhere on this planet.
Big Bada Boom
"OOOH! What does this button dooo!?"
If I have a companion, they are obligated to shout "DEEDEE, NOOOOO!"
My name isn't Deedee, but those who get it will get it.
If that isn't acceptable, then watch Space Ghost: Coast to Coast, pick a random quote that you feel is appropriate, and just go with it!
Otherwise, "OXFORD COMMAS FOR LIFE!"
Don’t close my tabs, they’re all important
"Pull my finger."
Smoke me a kipper, I'll be back for breakfast!
There shall be light.
Fuck. Now I will never know how that book ends
Oh crap, I should've thought of a cool quote before pressing the but
BONZAI!
Would work best if we're in an aircraft and there's a tiny plant nearby, though.
Be sure to drink your ovaltine
"Pizza's done"
It isn't like the enemy is going to be alive to ponder whatever I say and whoever recounts the tale will make up something more memorable anyway.
This will really hurt tommorrow, I guess.