this post was submitted on 21 Jun 2023
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Gaming

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So, hear me out.

I'm a 47 year old guy and I'm not ashamed to say that I enjoy video games. I always have, from playing Head over Heels on a Speccy +2 to ESO and Valorant on my self built PC.

Due to various life circumstances, I'm also on the dating scene and to most women I meet, around my age, video games are anathema. When I say that I like them it's usually meet with an "oh dear" or a "my son would probably love to talk to you about them, I find them really boring"

I have two boys, both teenagers, both play all the time and sometimes we all play together (although they are better as they have more time to apply to games). Their friends are amazed that I will talk about games with them, that I know someone about games and that I play games. None of their parents want to talk with them about what is effectively their main hobby that they do all the time (big sad).

So the question, there must be some sort of cut off age at which video games are no longer an acceptable pastime. Is it absolute age based (nothing after 35) or is it something to do with the progression of games into popular culture and people born after, say, 1986 will not see it as unacceptable?

I don't have an answer, I just think it's an interesting question. Thanks for reading, let me know what you think!

Edit to add: I'm not planning on stopping through peer pressure, just wondering about the phenomenon!

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[–] VoxAdActa@kbin.social 2 points 2 years ago

Don't know what to say that hasn't already been covered in five pages of comments, but don't date people who denigrate your hobbies. There's no "age cutoff" for enjoying the things you enjoy. You don't just stop enjoying things after a certain arbitrary age threshold.

The old view of adulthood as being a time of constant misery, struggle, and hardship, in which every moment of enjoyment you manage to claw from it is a moment stolen from the future, which will be replaced by further misery, is fucking stupid. Do what makes you happy, and ditch the Karens.

[–] pyro@pathfinder.social 2 points 2 years ago

As a few others have mentioned its mainly a generational thing. Video games are still "recent" and you are/were at the point that it was just starting to catch. Keep looking and hopefully you will get someone of the same mind set you are

[–] blackdragoness@kbin.social 2 points 2 years ago

41 year old woman here. I was born with gaming, I will die with gaming. Do not hide your gaming from the get go. Put it in your profile. Its a huge part of my life, so finding that in a partner is a must in my book. There are women out there that share my sentiment, and some that just like games or don't care.

[–] SpaceCadet2000@kbin.social 2 points 2 years ago

I'm about your age (48) and game. I don't think there's a cut-off date as such, but it's a little bit of several things.

There is certainly a generational angle. When we were growing up in the 80s and early 90s, playing computer games was definitely not an activity targeted at adults, and gamers were generally seen as geeks and nerds. This changed of course, but other people who grew up at the same time as us but never got into games may still hang onto that image.

Gender also plays a role, women our age are a lot less likely to have ever been into games. My girlfriend for example has no problems with it but she never gamed herself and doesn't really understand it. If I think of female friends and acquaintances, I know only one woman who games as well, but she's already 8 years younger.

There's also the fact that many men do in fact grow out of gaming as they get older, start to have more responsibilities and less free time and when other interests and hobbies start to compete for that limited free time. I notice that in myself too, it's a lot less important to me now than it was 25 years ago.

Then there's the slightly uncomfortable fact that many women simply find it unattractive when a man lists gaming as a hobby, and see it as a red flag, perhaps because they associate it with certain stereotypes of people who are obsessive about it and whose whole personality revolves around gaming, perhaps because they have previous bad experiences with it, or perhaps because it's something they simply can't relate with. Maybe gamers are to women what "horse girls" are to men? :)

I think the best way to handle it on the dating scene is to show that you're a functioning adult with a well rounded personality and a variety of interests, who just happens to game as well. At the end of the day, you have to have enough common ground to start a relationship with someone.

[–] Biotic@beehaw.org 2 points 2 years ago

I don't think there's one. Still, I find it a bit funny thinking of myself and my partner sitting next to each other, each on our own gaming PC, once we're old (or should I say older, yikes the 90s really were almost 30 years ago...)

[–] EmptyRadar@kbin.social 2 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Back in the ancient Greek era there were people worried that printed books were going to rot peoples' minds because they would just be absorbed in them 24/7.

Do what you wanna do, dude.

[–] Goopadrew@kbin.social 2 points 2 years ago

That's like the main plot of Don Quixote: he read too many books about knights in shining armor saving princesses (essentially the soap operas of their time) that he went crazy and started believing he was one of those galliant heroes

[–] cook_pass_babtridge@beehaw.org 2 points 2 years ago (1 children)

I'm 33/m and also dating. From my experience, women my age vary around attitudes to video games but generally appreciate that it's a valid form of entertainment alongside movies and TV. I don't think it's an age thing as much as a generation thing - nowadays they're part of popular culture whether you're into them or not, so most people up to mid-30s grew up around them.

[–] Roko@lemmy.click 2 points 2 years ago

It's a relatively new form of entertainment. Books, theater, movies and TV all have had more time to develop and become culturally relevant. Video games are young and have had a steep growth curve in terms of innovation, scope, and market share. I feel it will become more and more common for older folks to play games and it will become more and more acceptable and normal. I feel that mobile gaming is legit also and people might not realize that their Candy Crush or Solitaire games are video games! It's a wide and versatile type of entertainment so the people who consume it will be as well.

[–] Hotzilla@sopuli.xyz 2 points 2 years ago

I am almost 40 also, and game alot. One thing to remember that our generation is the first to actually game their whole life, nes etc made gaming popular.

Older generations haven't had mainstream gaming, so it is wierd to think people born in 50-60 to game, because games didn't exist when they were young. We on the other hand have grown with the games.

So I think from ten year on, it will be normal to have LAN parties in your elderly home.

[–] synchrohighway@kbin.social 2 points 2 years ago

I'm not sure. I'm in my 30s and me and almost all my coworkers play something on a regular basis: PS5/XBox/PC/Switch/mobile. Even my like 60 year supervisor is a lady addicted to mobile games.

[–] Alstjbin@kbin.social 2 points 2 years ago (3 children)

I'm in my fourties. I've fought clanwars in MoHAA with my now wife. We've spent an embarrasing amount of time raiding in WoW and by now we've had servers running for Ark, Valheim and Vrising with our daughter. She's more into Roblox though..

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[–] RonniesaurusHex@kbin.social 2 points 2 years ago

Born before 86 and it's one of my main hobbies. A large percentage of my friends are gamers of various kinds. I don't think there's a cut off, just people that get too caught up in defining what adulthood is and not letting fun and individuality be part of it.

[–] klenow@kbin.social 2 points 2 years ago (1 children)

I'm 50. I've been gaming since my Dad won a Pong console at a work thing. I still love gaming, and so do a lot of other older men. Hell, the discussion at the lunch table at work today was about all the shit people are doing in Zelda. This was a group of 4 guys, all well over 30 (except one guy who just turned 30), all very successful..

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[–] super_user_do@feddit.it 2 points 2 years ago

No, if that doesnt affect negatively your life there's nothing wrong about gaming. That can actually be a nice way to bond with your kids

[–] Tashlan@kbin.social 2 points 2 years ago (5 children)

I don't think there's an age cut off, I just think you got into the hobby when it was niche and your peers didn't. I'm an NES-generation video game player and I don't really know anyone my age who doesn't at least have a gamer in their household. On the other end, I don't know a single person who has a cable subscription.

[–] 13zero@kbin.social 2 points 2 years ago

Right. People who grew up with video games as a normal thing (30-35 or younger) think that video games are socially acceptable at any age.

People above that age probably have a “cutoff” of teens or 20s.

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[–] lovesyouandhugsyou@beehaw.org 2 points 2 years ago

I think it's a position that often comes from ignorance. Usually these people have no concept that games can involve high quality character and plot writing like Mass Effect, or teamwork focused gaming situations like MMO raids. They either never had any exposure to games or decided early on (usually in adolescence) that games weren't for them.

Ironically there's often a lot of overlap between game haters and people who spend more hours in front of the TV than most of us do gaming.

[–] Ganbat@lemmynsfw.com 2 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

IMO, physical ability to do so should be the only cutoff. No one should have to stop doing something they love just because society deems them too old.

[–] phi1997@kbin.social 2 points 2 years ago (1 children)

You hit it yesterday. A squad has been dispatched to retrieve your computer. I'm sorry.

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[–] MentalEdge@sopuli.xyz 2 points 2 years ago (2 children)

The hell? There's no age-gate for anything. Except maturity. If you think someone enjoying something is childish, instead of feeling happy for them, then you're the one who has growing up to do.

Books are also a great hobby, which many find boring, but it's never considered an age thing just because the typical adult isn't into reading books. The same goes for games. Not everyone enjoys them, but that's a matter of personal taste, not age. Sure, our tastes can change during our lives, and some people "grow-out" of their childhood interests. But that might be more correlation than causation.

Take my dad, for instance, I remember him gaming on his PC and PS1 during my pre-teens, but he stopped gaming for many years. But recently, he got BACK into gaming, and asked me to build him a modern PC to play on, since it's been so long since he's used non-apple computers. These days, when he finds the right type of game for himself, he is more difficult to get away from it then I am.

Games are a new medium, and new things get adopted first by new generations. So maybe older ones consider them a "kids" thing, but at 26, I see no reason why video games would ever stop being a part of my life.

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[–] Shayeta@feddit.de 2 points 2 years ago (2 children)

Feels like up to 15-17 is normal for everyone, up to around 27 is a bit weird but ok. Above 30 people will see it as a red flag.

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[–] th_in_gs@lemmy.sdf.org 2 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Early forties here. Also grew up with the Spectrum. In my admittedly slightly nerdy friend circle it's completely normal. People always talking about interesting games in just the same way as they would movies. People playing games with their kids. Lots of talk about Tears of the Kingdom at our last gathering. I assume for younger people it's even more normal.

All this is to say, I don't think there's a static absolute age cut-off. I think we're probably the first generation that will see a substantial portion continue to identify as small-g 'gamers' well into retirement. If they're is a (moving, getting older) age cut-off, at 47 now, maybe you're just on the upper side of the tipping point?

[–] TIN@feddit.uk 2 points 2 years ago

I certainly feel like that might be the case, I just don't have enough younger/next gen down friends to check their experiences... Except all the good folks in this community 😁

[–] uxia@beehaw.org 2 points 2 years ago

Hmm I don't think there is a cutoff necessarily but it doesn't surprise me many people currently in their late 40s wouldn't be much into them. I'm a 37/F myself and most of my friends play video games, but then again I'm part of a crowd of childless nerdy types. I guess it all just depends on the type of person you're hanging out with and what their lifestyle is all about. Women who play video games and are currently in their late 40s probably live a more alternative lifestyle in general.

[–] dmickey@lemmy.ca 2 points 2 years ago

I'm mid thirties myself and games are what I grew up with and it's how I like to enjoy my storytelling. I think it's entirely lost on some people how different games are as a media. My SO and I have had chats about it and she understands that it's a whole different experience than a movie or tv and appreciates my enthusiasm for truly great games.

I can totally understand that some people just don't jive with games but I'm so grateful my SO tolerates my gaming even though she doesn't partake much herself.

I feel no pressure to stop so I don't see myself stopping gaming anytime soon. You just need to find the right one, they don't even need to like games, they just need to like you as a person.

[–] xtremeownage@lemmyonline.com 2 points 2 years ago

I am middle-aged. I play every weekend with my uncle who is in his 50s/60s.

My kids, who are single-digit in age, play things.

Times have changed, its not the 1980s/1990s where we have computer-illiterate parents. We all grew up playing games!

[–] BeardyGrumps@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 points 2 years ago

50+ gamer here and my social circle all game. Wife doesn’t like to use the controller but will sit through and give hints with the puzzles. (We tend to play adventure/puzzle games) My father in law who is 84 still games. There is no age limit. Do what you enjoy and find people who enjoy it with you.

[–] SidewaysHighways@beehaw.org 2 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Close to 40 here and game is life.

If I meet someone new and they don't game I'm like "oh." and ask them politely, yet firmly to leave.

[–] TIN@feddit.uk 2 points 2 years ago

Harsh but fair

[–] surrendertogravity@wayfarershaven.eu 2 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago) (1 children)

Interesting question! For me it feels like both a social group and age-based thing. I know of a couple co-workers in their 30s / mid 40s who play video games and we’ll chat about games very occasionally. My ex’s friends were all mid-twenties folks and gaming was one of their multiple hobbies.

But in general, I wouldn’t bring video games up with the majority of my other co-workers, and certainly not during small talk with more-or-less strangers (chiropractor, barbers, etc), whereas every other hobby I’d be cool talking to strangers about. I think I’ve been socialized to feel like gaming is “immature” and only to be talked about with other people “in the know” so I don’t feel judged for enjoying it.

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