Ask Lemmy

This is going to sound so bad, but I can't look for someone smarter without limiting my options too much, just as I am tall for a lady in my area so can't make taller than me a requirement.

So: smart enough to be funny, to understand the things I talk about? To understand how money works , live in the world easily, not stupid? Competent in some area, different from what I am good at? Required. Smart enough that I think "wow you are smart!" Not a consideration. I do think I assign extra 'points' to intelligence, it makes someone more attractive, but it's not something I need as much as I need kindness and open mindedness, and in myself I value those qualities more too.

I think intelligence/personality are about even for me. I think I would not have rejected my wife if she were average intelligence, but the fact that she has a science background, and the quick way she thinks are part of the package that I fell for. So I will say very important, but not the most important.

It's not incredibly important as long as we agree on the big life stuff.

A previous partner of mine wasn't the sharpest egg in the attic but we got along stellar with the exception that we disagreed on some big choices.

Edit: bulb -> egg because I am a dummy lol

Aside from the issue of age of course, if they're intelligent enough to understand the relationship and what it means, then they can make the list.

For me, capacity and curiosity is more important because it usually means the other person can change based on information rather than thinking they already know. Usually, that means they are somewhat intelligent as a result.

If I were the type to choose a partner, I'd say it's very important for them to be not dumb, but less important to be actually smart. It would still be a positive, but someone who's not a genius but still had many other good qualities can still be fun to hang out with. It's also a mindset thing-- someone with little knowledge but a will to learn is better than someone who knows more, but refuses to learn anything new. (Not that knowledge == intelligence, anyways.)

So so so important. But I'd rather someone be a bit dumb and really nice to me than the hellscape I am living now.

Simplified at the cost of accuracy:

On a scale from 1-10 on attractiveness you get ±1 for being below/above one standard deviation on intelligence.

Other standard deviations: Sad/happy ±2 Mean/kind ±1. Different/same life goals ±5.

Smart enough for her strengths to make up for my weaknesses.

Not much. As long as she's a person with common sense and a bit of intelligence, I'm fine.

Important, but not as important as loyalty.

So this is an interesting question to me and got me thinking... I think the qualities that are important to me in a partner (compassion, empathy, openness, open mindedness, passion, etc.) aren't strictly tied to intelligence? Maybe there's a correlation, I guess? Depends on how you define intelligence.

I probably wouldn't go out of my way to look for particularly intelligent people. In fact I'd probably avoid anyone who puts their IQ in their bio (because... Eww). But based on my interests and personally, I can see myself naturally sharing more in common with "intelligent" people (wow that sounds pretentious).

I do wonder if I'd feel frustrated with a partner who couldn't understand me when explaining complex things though...

I think I would need some kind of example of what we're counting as 'intelligence.'

I just want somebody I can play strategic (in the looser sense) board games with at a level compatible with me tbh.

Pretty important. As well as good emotional regulation.

There is a Chinese expression: "The ugly wife is a treasure at home"

It is possible ugly can be substituted for dull (mentally).

yes.

As long as they're able to go about their life without doing dumb shit that's good enough for me. More important is being ethical and having good emotional intelligence (I suppose this could be lumped in with intelligence but it's not the same as being book smart).

That depends on what you mean by intelligence.