Big Bosses later ask middle managers: "Why is turnover so high? Are you not fostering a fun environment?" The 40 % raise for job hopping is a real mystery.

we cast unionization, using "strike" metamagic to raise the efficiency

A wizard should know better.

"These annual pizza parties are cutting into executive bonuses."

I really like the way my current company handles things. Aside from annual raises that take effect July 1st (currently waiting for approval, but if that happens after July 1st the raises are retroactive to the first), we have open bars (free drinks) every other month, company wide lunch events a few times a month, other general events (had a Juneteenth and Pride event this month). Oh, and all these events are paid time (you still have to hit your KPIs though).

A fairly well stocked kitchen (you could make your own lunch if you wanted to), coffee and espresso machines, sparkling water / flavored water one as well, snacks, the whole deal. Yes it's not perfect but I've been happy so far.