News flash, we never did. So STFU blackrock and let me work from home. I dont give one shit about your commercial real estate speculation.
this post was submitted on 28 Jan 2024
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The corporate reeducation camp is more of a trial, as I bet they won't be continuing if they don't meet the "charm" quota.
For more, we turn to the countryside, into a field of green, where cubacles have been placed inside a pen.
The blue-collar employee, lead with a leash by his HR representative, has a fairly nicely trimmed mane, a red tie and nondescript office wear. All around, conforming to the standards of the breed.
The judges check him for discrepancies, feeling his throat to check his pulse, cupping his balls for a testosterone check and asking questions to illicit corporate talking points. The judges confirm that the employee is acceptable.
The employee is let into the pin where the cubicles are situated. The new-age motivational speaker troupe encircles the cubicles, to distract the employee in case the employee becomes feral. Don't worry, they can always hide in their barrels.
As the employee wanders slowly into the cubicle, he is met by the office bull. A rotund man who constantly has a coffee in hand and a quip at the ready. They square off.
Now we see who can bellow the most authentic fake laughter while instinctually performing watercooler banter, a form of peacocking. But wait, the bull dazes the employee with an off-collar mysoginist joke. The employee staggers.
Now it's up to the employee to respond in a way that impresses the bull - and the judges...
The employee responds with a "uhm, yeah... okay" - and the judges press the buzzer.
The HR rep looks very disappointed indeed, as he fetches the employee from the pen. This will have an effect on the rest of the HR rep's season, and indeed, if he gets to continue into the next season. Perhaps the employee is not as breedable as imagined and also needs to seek employment at a glue factory.
Come back next time for the exexutive wrestling tournament. This has been Chet Fizbee, reporting from the Badminton Corporate Trials.
That was beautiful.
Thanks ^^ Appreciated.
but eh, with a few grammar and spelling issues here and there, I'm sort of happy with it. Still sort of developing this "gonzo", satirical writing style in lemmy.world comment sections. That, and some of the dumb things I say sometimes, but that can't be helped (can confirm, am dumb at times).
ngl though, I might write one or two more texts on the Badminton Corporate Trials. Treating people like horses, for races, for fancy prancing (or trisage), the breeding and grooming seems very fitting for how certain companies try to "manage" their employees.
These are people who supposedly took business etiquette classes before they got their MBAs. Charm school isn't going to cure sociopathy.
No one should be unloading on Bridgette. Poor lass, she doesn't need a protein shake. She just needs to know how to clean up.
Reeducation.
... camps.